Category Archives: Funny parenting stories

Some day, Baby. Some day.

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For reasons unknown to me, family members enjoy offering Baby Joseph food and laughing at his complete disinterest in this strange multi-colored stuff we’re putting in our mouths.

My youngest daughter said to him in her high-pitched little voice, “You want chips and salsa, Joe? You want some beer?” (Please note that she was consuming neither.)

But the goofiness doesn’t end there. My oldest spilled dry Rice Krispies on the floor. Did she sweep them up right away? No. She brought out Read the rest of this entry

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“I can’t wait until I’m a mom.”

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That’s what my youngest daughter said when she saw me spoiling my dinner. In fact, all three girls stopped conversation to stare at me in the kitchen, while dinner cooked.

“Why?” I asked her, innocently.

“Because then I can eat candy whenever I want, too.”

Yep, pays to be the mom.

This morning I found this taped to the girls’ bedroom door. Read the rest of this entry

Monitoring the Monitor

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Through the baby monitor, my husband and I heard Joseph wake up. I went to get him and said, “So, Joseph, what do you think of Daddy? He’s kind of funny looking, huh? But don’t worry. You get to leave when you’re 18. I’m stuck with him for life!”

My husband pushed the talk button on the receiving end Read the rest of this entry

How to bathe a baby boy in 25 easy steps

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Step 1. Get water ready.

Step 2. Change and throw away poopy diaper.

Step 3. Return from depositing poopy diaper in diaper pail five feet away only to discover baby has pooped again ALREADY!

Step 4. Repeat steps 2-4, as needed.

Step 5. Remove baby’s clothing and carry to bathroom.

Step 6. Remove diaper, praying there’s no more poop in it. (If not, continue to step 7. If so, repeat steps 2–4, as needed.)

Step 7. Gently slide baby into bath water and begin bathing.

Step 8. Try not to show irritation as second youngest child enters room to “help.” Read the rest of this entry

I help Daddy!

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My neighbor recently told me the story of when her husband was a boy, he saw his dad waxing his Porsche. Ever the helpful one, he decided to pitch in, only he didn’t grab a soft pad to wax with, he grabbed Read the rest of this entry

That’s my girl.

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Middle Daughter is in 4th grade. A recent math assignment asked her to draw certain dots and make an observation about the pattern. Here’s the answer key:

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4. (a) shows the pattern; (d) shows “Possible observations” that can be made: “Each group of dots can be divided into a square and a right triangle; the difference between the total number of dots in each pair of terms increases as the pattern continues.”

Here’s my daughter’s answer sheet: Read the rest of this entry

Momma kitty

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My youngest loves cats and kittens. A recent visit to the library netted her this book, which became our bedtime “story.”

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Ridiculously cute, am I right?

For kicks and giggles, I was subtly adding words in my “reading voice.”

For instance (not a direct quote from the book): “Cats are fun and playful just like Momma.”

“Cats are beautiful and smart just like Momma.”

Then my husband walks in and says, Read the rest of this entry