Category Archives: Funny parenting stories

The winner of The Great American Bake Off is… Part 3

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(If you missed them, here are parts one and two.)

When you were last with our heroine, I’d just discovered that I had refrozen my pumpkin puree for the pie I was supposed to take to Thanksgiving lunch that day. I had no choice but to grab another bag from the freezer and toss it in a bowl of warm water to hopefully thaw in time.

Recall that I had proudly announced to my husband that there would be no last-minute dash to the grocery store, as I had remembered, for the first time ever, that I needed evaporated milk for this recipe and so had bought it in advance.

While waiting on the puree, I started to make the pumpkin pie crust, by hand this time, when I stopped to put Joe down for a nap. I asked my husband to step in. When I came back, my husband was gone. On the counter was our near-empty tub of Crisco. Read the rest of this entry

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The winner of The Great American Bake Off is… Part 2

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Now that my husband and three daughters are at a Christmas pageant, and I have the wonderful excuse of staying home with a sleeping baby boy, I can give you Part 2! (If you missed part 1, you can find it here.)

Backing up a bit, since my laughing mother kindly reminded me that I forgot this tidbit: The night before Thanksgiving, the girls and I made pumpkin bread to have for breakfast Thanksgiving morning. Baking with the girls is stressful. They are adamant about having an equal amount of tasks to do.

“You crack the egg, then I’ll put it in, and she can break it with the spoon.”

“We need one and half cups of flour, so how about we each do a half cup?”

“You hold the measuring cup while I pour and she stirs it in.”

I kid you not. And four people crowding around the counter (me to supervise) is a mess. It didn’t help that we were pushing up against bedtime, so I was trying to hurry.

With these girls, hurrying is not in their vocabulary. That preheat oven step needs to come, like, 7th next time, because the oven was ready to go looooong before the batter was in the bread pan.

To make matters worse, my thawed pre-packaged bag of mashed pumpkin wasn’t quite enough, so I had to borrow from the bag for the next day’s pie–an issue I’d sort out later, darn it, just get the bread in the oven already!

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Finally, the oven door shut and the girls were scooted off to bed, with the torturous smell of baking pumpkin bread wafting down the hallway.

The next morning, as we enjoyed our delicious bread, I searched for the bags of pumpkin I needed for my pie. They were nowhere in the fridge. I checked the counter, the sink? Nada. Read the rest of this entry

Watermelon woes

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I have a shirt with an image in the corner of a watermelon slice being carried away by ants. Once I looked down and saw an actual ant crawling across my shirt just below that image!

My younger two girls like to pretend to grab the watermelon from my shirt and put it in their pocket to save for later. (I shudder at what a mess that would make.)

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One time my youngest was complaining about the disproportionate watermelon distribution when I got her into the top bunk. I suggested that since she was up there, I could throw her enough watermelon to equal her sister’s.

She cried, “I can’t catch them. They’re too heavy!” Read the rest of this entry

“Tell us a story!”

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My husband gets this from our girls frequently at bedtime, even though I just read to them and it’s past their bedtime. This is how he responded tonight. Read the rest of this entry

Some day, Baby. Some day.

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For reasons unknown to me, family members enjoy offering Baby Joseph food and laughing at his complete disinterest in this strange multi-colored stuff we’re putting in our mouths.

My youngest daughter said to him in her high-pitched little voice, “You want chips and salsa, Joe? You want some beer?” (Please note that she was consuming neither.)

But the goofiness doesn’t end there. My oldest spilled dry Rice Krispies on the floor. Did she sweep them up right away? No. She brought out Read the rest of this entry