When looking for a story to post this week, I checked my plethora of drafts where I’ve housed snippets of funny things to save for later.
So prepare yourself for a series disjointed stories while I clean up my draft folder. For instance: Read the rest of this entry
“I forgot to tell you,” my husband says, “When I was in my office today, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I looked over and there was a spider on my shoulder.”
My eyes widen in horror.
“It was just a little one.”
My eyes relax a smidge.
“My first thought was to brush it off, but then I remembered this is October. I’ll just walk around and introduce it to people as my pet.”
“But then I forgot.”
Me: “You forgot?”
“Yeah. I must’ve gotten distracted. I forgot all about it.”
“So what happened to the spider?!” Read the rest of this entry
One day my son is two. The next day he eats cold pizza for breakfast, so apparently he’s now in college. [My husband was on breakfast duty that day.]
My husband was googling what to do when your paint cans won’t close securely, so I asked him, “How did we find things out before Google?” He said, “We talked to people. This is much better.” Read the rest of this entry
Those of you who follow Andrew Reynolds’ blog know that I’m blatantly stealing his post idea. (Flattered, Andrew?) His hilarious Friday posts are often “wisdom” from his father. Since my children’s father imparted wisdom on them recently, I couldn’t resist this post.
My husband and three daughters were at Costco when one of them spotted a dime on the floor. Soon another found two pennies, and the other a quarter. Next it was another penny and a dime.
My husband said, “We should find out who’s dropping this money. And follow him.”
What do you do when you find a coin on the floor?
A. Pick it up.
B. Leave it.
C. Turn it head side up to give someone good luck.
On my birthday, one of the girls asked for a bedtime story. So naturally I said, “Thirty-nine years ago today, the most wonderful mom in the world was born.”
My husband added: “And so was Betsy.”
(Reminiscent of the famous choosing a cat story, don’t ya think?)
Hubs texted me that day: “Do you have a cake?”
Me: “No.” I mean, if I had one, I’d have had to bake it myself. So, clearly no. Which was fine with me. Just show me to the nearest ice cream. But he said, “No wife of mine isn’t going to have a baked good on her birthday.”
He turned up after work with six mini fruit pies from Walmart. Fifty cents each.
Who says the romance is dead?
You’ll note there are only five pies pictured. The sixth, an additional apple pie, was left out. That’s my husband’s favorite. He bought two of those. I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions.
I leaned to the side so as not to mar the view of my single candle (to reflect the age I act) and my little “Happy Birthday” sign.
And I missed the Read the rest of this entry
My husband gets this from our girls frequently at bedtime, even though I just read to them and it’s past their bedtime. This is how he responded tonight. Read the rest of this entry
“Today was pretty low key.
So yesterday was Thor.
Which is ironic because today Read the rest of this entry
At 10:00 on Sunday mornings, the kids are supposed to get ready for church. My husband said to them, “Girls, it’s 10:00.”
“You need to tell them what that means,” I said.
“Girls, it’s 10:00, which means the short hand is on the 10 and the long hand is on the 12.”
Husband and I recently got to drive alone in our little red car instead of having to take the big van. I was delighted to be in my old car again. I lovingly stroked the dash and reminded him, “This car is older than our marriage.” Read the rest of this entry
Hubs and I got separated at Walmart. When we found each other again, we both had on a giant bear head hat.
So imagine this bear’s head on our heads. But pretend it’s not creepy.
We’d come across the display separately, weighed the pros and cons of “who knows who’s had their head in this thing” vs. “gosh, it would be funny” and decided funny won. We saw each other, froze, and immediately cracked up. Read the rest of this entry
Through the baby monitor, my husband and I heard Joseph wake up. I went to get him and said, “So, Joseph, what do you think of Daddy? He’s kind of funny looking, huh? But don’t worry. You get to leave when you’re 18. I’m stuck with him for life!”
My husband pushed the talk button on the receiving end Read the rest of this entry