Lord, let me blend in with the wall!

St. Peter’s Basilica at Early Morning (Photo credit: Wikipedia) P.S. This wasn’t the church I was at!

When my youngest was born, she made her first church appearance just a few days later. Being understandably tired, we didn’t make it to our usual Mass, but went to an 11:00 a.m. at a church I’m not as familiar with. The baby slept wonderfully through Mass until just before the end. When she began to cry, I picked her up and looked around for a private hidey-hole in which to discreetly feed her. Then I spotted a folding  chair in a dark corner, far from any people. Perfect!

A minute later, Mass was over and I soon discovered a crucial architectural structure that I had previously overlooked:

I get that a lot

A deacon, though not quite as intimidating. (Wikipedia)

A four-year-old skipped into the vestibule ahead of her mother and skidded to a stop at the Deacon’s feet. Dressed in white, six feet tall and broad-shouldered, he was an intimidating sight. She stared up at him, open-mouthed. After a moment of silence, she asked in awe:

How’s that go again?

English: Front view of Angelo acquasantiera at Santa Maria degli Angeli, Rome. Holy water font. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My two-year-old after Mass was blessing himself with holy water saying “Father, Son,

What a holy little boy!

Window at Parish Church of St Peter, Frampton Cotterell, England (Photo credit: DanieVDM)

I was sitting in the last pew at church, nursing the baby. When one of my nursing pads became full, I replaced it with a new one and set the old one down on the seat next to me. Before I could stop him, my five-year-old son grabbed the soggy white circle, stuck it on the top of his head, and ran up the aisle yelling,

Is it snowing in here?

When our daughter was three, she had a pink dress with very fine feather trimming.  During church, she discovered that she could pull off a small clump of feathers and toss them into the air. They would then float down ever so slowly. In her excitement, she started to squeal. We looked over to see

Ta-dah!

My two-year-old daughter was an aspiring nudist. It was not uncommon to find her in the backyard naked with princess high heels pushing her baby in the baby stroller. Around the house it was annoying but did not cause us real concern until Sunday. During church, she stepped out into

Jesus speaks to little children

When my daughter was about four, I was telling her that while we were in church everyone needs to be extra quiet. When we are, Jesus can talk to us in our hearts. And if we are quiet, we can hear Him.  She said, “Okay, Mommy,” and about a minute later she said, “Oh Mommy, I hear him.”  I said, “Really? What is He saying?”

She looked up at the cross above the altar and said,

One of your headlights is out.

I was at a Bible study with my church group, which is normally all women. This one particular day, someone’s husband decided to come along and was seated across from me. I had my newborn baby with me, and when she got fussy, I excused myself to nurse her. When I returned to my seat, I noticed the man staring at my chest with a somewhat confused and bewildered expression. I was rather put off by this, but when I looked down, I understood.

Better leave the fashion to the females.

One Sunday my husband was in charge of getting our sons ready for Mass and then meeting me at the church. When he arrived with the boys, it was quickly apparent that my husband is not as in tune with our children’s wardrobes as I am.

Earth to mom: I’m right here!

My husband and I were making our way out of church one day when we lost a child. Well, I lost a child. Well, I THOUGHT I lost a child.