Cat Nap Beauty Rest

As a Christmas present, my daughter gave me coupons to sleep with certain of her beloved stuffed animals. When I cashed in one of my coupons, I found this waiting for me in my bed.

Frog caught your heart?

My daughter, who grew up loving stuffed animal frogs, is now too old for them. {Brief moment of sad reflection.} And so it was time to rehome her amphibian friends.

This was the first to go:

“Rita” the Frog waiting for a ride in the laundry basket.

As I handed the giant frog to her new owner, who is, ironically, a teenage girl, I said, “She goes by Rita, but will respond to anything.”

The girl held the stuffed animal out in front of her and, with a gleam in her eye (the girl’s, not the frog’s), said, “You shall be called, ‘Rita’!”

Clearly, it seemed to me, this girl knew that the name fit.

I reported the happy news to my daughters: Not only had the frog gone to a new loving home, she would be able to retain her name! “Isn’t that wonderful?” I said.

I was met with blank stares. Didn’t my children personify animals the way I did?? Didn’t they care?!

Top Ten Parenting Tips

I had another* article published at Four Columns for a Balanced Life.

Read this in a loud, echoey voice — BEHOLD:

Did you hear an angelic choir singing, “Awwwwwwwwwwwww”?

Here’s one tip from the article:

Because parenting is hard, cruddy stuff is going to happen. It just comes with the territory. Taking a deep breath and moving on after an unfortunate incident will help you maintain a happier demeanor, inside and out, especially when it comes to things you have no control over. Some days your children are just going to be fussy like they’re taking turns or have it scheduled on a secret calendar. Keeping a sense of humor helps. Once I asked a friend how her kids were. She responded: “For sale.”

Little secret, though: I only combed through the first couple of chapters for these ten. I could get 10 or more “top” 10 articles out of this book. As one reviewer put it:

She was tipsy when she wrote this book. (It contains more tips than the apron of the prettiest bar maid at Oktoberfest.) It’s clear that she’s a happy, fun person (Betsy, not the bar maid), who followed the advice from her previous books…

She shares her struggles and successes with a healthy dose of humility and humor. Well, maybe it’s more a gluttonous dose of humor.

(Here’s that review.)

I also got this text from my sister: “I CAN’T GET MY WORK DONE BECAUSE I CAN’T PUT YOUR BOOK DOWN.” She wrote that during her “I can’t figure out how to get rid of all caps on my phone” phase (though she would’ve written that in all caps).

Another person said, “I might have raised better kids if I had had your book a long time ago!”

And my favorite:

No cold feet in this house.

I’m going through my drafts folder, of which I have 22 potential posts. This was the oldest. The daughter I speak of is now 15! This was fun for me to read, as I didn’t remember any of it. So grateful for this blog to store these memories. I hope you enjoy this little tale.

My oldest daughter was two-years-old, I would regularly take a nap on the couch while she played quietly nearby. Yep, you read that correctly. I could nap without fear while my TWO-year-old played. She was certainly something special.

Usually I would sleep with a blanket on me. One day I laid down without first grabbing the blanket. My daughter noticed this and got my blanket for me, spreading it carefully across my body. Another time, the blanket had slipped off my feet, so she replaced it for me.

Pic by tookapic of Pixabay.

Perhaps a year or two later,

Stylish hair gel

Isn’t my son so stylish with his new spikey hair gel look?

Cool kid.

Nope. It’s just

Eat with your fingers!

Note: This marks the third installment of Things I Never Expected to Say to My Kids.*

Dearest darling Joseph decided one day that eating with his fingers, a childlike, yet acceptable thing to do given his age, was too grown-up for him.

So he dived in to his pasta directly with his face.

They were being inconsiderate, really.

Audience photo by Vlah Dumitru on Unsplash.

At the end of a school play (Pre-covid, obviously), when the audience was applauding, Joe kept saying something I couldn’t hear. Finally, when the crowd’s enthusiasm died down, he said, “They weren’t listening to me. They kept clapping.”

The nerve of some people.

He just watched me scrubbing a toilet, cleaning the shower, etc. and said,

Pardon, puppy?

Alphabet puppy looking so sweet and innocent.

Joe has a dog toy with alphabet buttons along its back. When you hit one of the letters, it says the letter name and gives an example of a word beginning with that letter.

For instance, if you hit the D you’d hear, “D, dog.”

If you hit two letters rapidly, you get odd results.

Where are they learning this?!

My younger two girls decided to dress as tourists, complete with hats, purses, and a camera. Interesting, I thought.

Then one gave me a bright smile and said, “We’re robbing a museum! We’ve got our ninja clothes on underneath.” She lifted her pant leg to show me her black pants. “We packed gloves to cover our fingerprints, and I’ve got ninja stars in my purse.”

The younger daughter pulled out a toy phone. “And I’ve got this to communicate with!”

They set toys up around the room to pretend to steal.

Blog clean up

When looking for a story to post this week, I checked my plethora of drafts where I’ve housed snippets of funny things to save for later.

It’s later.

So prepare yourself for a series disjointed stories while I clean up my draft folder. For instance: