Tag Archives: funny things kids say

My son thinks he’s SO clever

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Joe was in his high chair. Not eating. I told him to take a bite. He leaned his head against the back of his chair, closed his eyes, and faked heavy sleep breathing.

First of all, when and how did he learn this?!

I said, “Should I take you to bed then?”

Still with his eyes closed, he lifted his pointer finger as in “one minute.”

Seriously, kid? So much for being asleep.

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Delicious looking plate of green beans. That I didn’t cook, hence looking delicious. Image by Vu DOAN from Pixabay

~~~

When my parents were here for Christmas, Joe said, “I don’t need these green beans.”

My mom, trying to be helpful, said, “Green beans are my favorite!”

Joe said, “You can eat them then.”

~~~

Joe loves going outside. The problem is, Read the rest of this entry

Awful things my kids said this week

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Awful or awfully funny? You decide. Let me know in the comments.

We had guests over Sunday afternoon. One graciously explained to us about different phone plans. And providers. And phones themselves. And frequencies. And something about company buyouts. Plus a lot of numbers were being bandied about.

In other words, I was completely lost by about the third sentence. Maybe second.

Meanwhile, my children sat in the room with us listening patiently. Or so I thought.

When the dear fellow was finished downloading us with all this information, my youngest daughter said, “Finally. I wondered if he was breathing between words.”

I’m not sure if any of the adults in the room have laughed that hard in a long time.

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Queen of spades courtesy of pixabay.

Except perhaps when we were playing the card game Tripoli and another daughter, not well-versed in the various suit names, laid down “the queen of hoes.”

After drying our eyes on our sleeves, we informed her that it is actually called the queen of spades.

Of course we try to teach our children manners.

Little Joe asked me for a bagel.

“Did you say, please?” I asked him pointedly. Read the rest of this entry

The Predator Becomes the Prey

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I found this story in my drafts folder from about two years ago!

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Raccoon photo courtesy of Pixabay.

We spotted a raccoon. In our yard.

Normally this would be met with a little excitement, mingled with a twinge of fear as in: Don’t let the kids get close; it could be rabid.

But tonight the sight meant: We have chickens! Get that b*stard out of here!

No one said that, of course. The children, after all. But Hubs and I were thinking it.

He grabbed a stick and chased after the raccoon, which jumped on the lattice fence. As it was crawling down the other side, Hubs jabbed the stick through a hole and got the racoon in its belly. It fell the remaining two feet and scurried off.

[If you love all creatures, great and small, including chicken killers, my apologies.]

“That will keep him away. But not for long,” Hubs said.

The children went on the offensive. Armed with sticks and a surprisingly functional  homemade bow and arrow, they kept guard, marching back and forth along the fence. Read the rest of this entry

If you give a child an empty wine box…

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She’ll turn it into a holder for her princess dolls.

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Rather inventive, no?

A friend shared this story about her five-year-old daughter:

Daughter: “Mommy, tell me a secret.”
Mom (whispering): “I think you are sweet and funny.”
Daughter: “Now, I’ll tell you one… (whispering) Read the rest of this entry

My brilliant son

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Joe pointed to my husband’s shirt hanging up on the clothes rack and said, “Dada.”

“That’s right, Joe. That’s Dada’s.”

Then he pointed to my husband’s sock and said, “Dada.”

Me, thoroughly impressed: “Yes, Dada’s.”

Then he pointed to Read the rest of this entry

This is how much my son loves me.

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When he spills water on my pants, it looks like this.

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Heart-shaped water spot. It got fatter and wider while I called for someone to grab the camera. It was actually more distinct earlier on, but you get the idea.

The other day I heard him calling me from across the house, “Betttssyyyy…. Betttsssyyy….”

Yeah, and as if that weren’t bad enough, more recently, he opened the screen door from the outside, leaned in and yelled, Read the rest of this entry

The Chex Mix guy strikes again.

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Twice actually. A few weeks ago, the 99c sale was on, calling me like a siren song. I hoped I’d see the CM guy so I could continue our funny banter. I was nearly disappointed until I saw him at the last check stand on my way out. (Click here and here for the first two encounters with the Chex Mix guy.)

“Hey, Chex Mix guy.” [I actually used his real name, but you know, privacy and all that.] When he looked up, I said, “Time to restock the Chex Mix again.”

Without missing a beat, he said, “Yeah, I knew it when I saw you come in.” [He probably didn’t see me come in.]

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My spoils.

Today I was back. He walked by as I was checking out. Read the rest of this entry