So THIS happened.

I walked inside from the garage and called to my son, “Oh, Joooo-sepppphhh.”

“Yes?”

“Who’s you’re favorite moooo-mmmyyyy?”

His response, I kid you not: “Is it Chex Mix?”

First of all, no, he does not think CM is his mommy. He just surmised (as a four-year-old!) that I had gone to the store and bought him CM. I didn’t tell anyone I was going to the store. This child is just that good at sniffing the stuff out.

That and he’s been asking for it for days, to the point where, last night, after tucking him in bed, Hubby says to me, “Joe asked for Chex Mix again. You should probably pick some up.”

Finally I did. He’s lucky it was on sale, because you know that’s how I roll. So, in response to the above question from Joe, I laughed and said, “Yes!” more out of amazement that he guessed the reason for the sing-song voice than out of excitement for having the stuff in my home again.

I have clearly passed the CM torch onto my son.

He said, “Could you bring me a bowl?” But as I had other groceries to put away and did not bring him a bowl of the golden deliciousness in less than 60 seconds, he came to get it himself.

If only I could get him that excited about bed time.

Can’t talk. Eating Cheddar Chex Mix.

The last time I brought CM home, he saw the bag on the counter, grabbed it, and literally tried to tear it open with his teeth.

Monster officially created.

That time, btw, was when I had gone to that other store where I’d seen new flavors. I had asked your advice. Remember these?

Beware of squirrels with backpacks

My eight-year-old nephew said a squirrel had been digging in their sandbox, making holes in their castles. His mom told him to be sure to wash his hands after he played in there because squirrels can carry diseases.

He said, “Squirrels don’t have backpacks, so how can they carry diseases?”

Moral of the story: Be safe. Don’t play with squirrels, backpacks or not.

So sweet. So innocent. So… wait.

Look! I made a slideshow!

Image 1: What’s Darth Vader holding?

Image 2: Oh, that’s nice. It’s a flower.

• 

• 

• 

Image 3: Joe: “It’s not a flower. It’s a bomb that explodes people.”

Yep. That’s my son, folks.

I recently visited a larger version of the store where I normally buy Chex Mix. Curious, I wandered into the snack aisle to see what varieties of Chex Mix there might be.

Behold! Varieties I didn’t even know existed!

Buffalo Ranch and Ghost Pepper Chex Mix!

Did you know Chex Mix made these flavors? Would you try the Buffalo Ranch with “Flavor Blasted Spicy Buffalo Chex Pieces + Ranch Chex Mix” or the “Hot and Spicy” (ya think?) Ghost Pepper with “Danger” and “Scary Hot” written on the packaging?

Look! I made a poll!

Altitude Adjustment

Our family took a mini trip to a rented house in a quaint little mountain town known for its apple cider and apple pie. On the drive, as we got farther and farther from our city by the sea (and sea level), Husband warned the kids of several possibilities, due to the altitude:

Their ears might start to hurt, due to the altitude.

The air is thinner, so it might be harder to breathe, due to the altitude.

It’s much colder, due to the altitude.

These possible side effects were mentioned several times… due to the altitude.

At the house, one daughter said the water tasted different, “maybe due to the altitude.” (I suggested it was probably just the different fridge.)

As another daughter climbed into bed with socks on, I was shocked to see how filthy the bottom of her feet were.

Top Ten Parenting Tips

I had another* article published at Four Columns for a Balanced Life.

Read this in a loud, echoey voice — BEHOLD:

Did you hear an angelic choir singing, “Awwwwwwwwwwwww”?

Here’s one tip from the article:

Because parenting is hard, cruddy stuff is going to happen. It just comes with the territory. Taking a deep breath and moving on after an unfortunate incident will help you maintain a happier demeanor, inside and out, especially when it comes to things you have no control over. Some days your children are just going to be fussy like they’re taking turns or have it scheduled on a secret calendar. Keeping a sense of humor helps. Once I asked a friend how her kids were. She responded: “For sale.”

Little secret, though: I only combed through the first couple of chapters for these ten. I could get 10 or more “top” 10 articles out of this book. As one reviewer put it:

She was tipsy when she wrote this book. (It contains more tips than the apron of the prettiest bar maid at Oktoberfest.) It’s clear that she’s a happy, fun person (Betsy, not the bar maid), who followed the advice from her previous books…

She shares her struggles and successes with a healthy dose of humility and humor. Well, maybe it’s more a gluttonous dose of humor.

(Here’s that review.)

I also got this text from my sister: “I CAN’T GET MY WORK DONE BECAUSE I CAN’T PUT YOUR BOOK DOWN.” She wrote that during her “I can’t figure out how to get rid of all caps on my phone” phase (though she would’ve written that in all caps).

Another person said, “I might have raised better kids if I had had your book a long time ago!”

And my favorite:

Expert customer service

In the check-out line at Costco, a young employee asked with a completely straight face:

“The item at the top of your cart–will that be to purchase or for return?”

“I didn’t realize returns were an option on those,” I said.

Again, with nary a mouth twitch, he said, “If you have the original receipt.”

They were being inconsiderate, really.

Audience photo by Vlah Dumitru on Unsplash.

At the end of a school play (Pre-covid, obviously), when the audience was applauding, Joe kept saying something I couldn’t hear. Finally, when the crowd’s enthusiasm died down, he said, “They weren’t listening to me. They kept clapping.”

The nerve of some people.

He just watched me scrubbing a toilet, cleaning the shower, etc. and said,

I didn’t spill o.j. in Japan.

WikiImages from Pixabay

“Oops!” my nine-year-old said as she opened the orange juice.

“Did you spill it everywhere?” I asked.

“Not everywhere,” she said. “I didn’t spill it in Japan.”

Can’t argue with that logic.

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. (I’m just going to pretend you’ve noticed and have been concerned.) Now I seriously want that delicious looking glass of o.j. With a little something extra in it. Triple sec? Amaretto?

What’s your drink of choice?

Kindergarten quotes

When a boy ran by a kindergarten girl, she remarked, “That kid flew by like a bag of popcorn!”

Who knew popcorn could move so fast?

When asked what he would do with $100, one kindergartner said with glee, “I’d buy a Lamborghini, a new house, and an airplane!”

A quote from my (non-kindergarten) daughter that was pretty entertaining came when she stepped out of the van after a 30-minute drive to our hiking site, looked down at her feet, and said, “Awww, man.”

My son thinks he’s SO clever

Joe was in his high chair. Not eating. I told him to take a bite. He leaned his head against the back of his chair, closed his eyes, and faked heavy sleep breathing.

First of all, when and how did he learn this?!

I said, “Should I take you to bed then?”

Still with his eyes closed, he lifted his pointer finger as in “one minute.”

Seriously, kid? So much for being asleep.

Delicious looking plate of green beans. That I didn’t cook, hence looking delicious. Image by Vu DOAN from Pixabay

~~~

When my parents were here for Christmas, Joe said, “I don’t need these green beans.”

My mom, trying to be helpful, said, “Green beans are my favorite!”

Joe said, “You can eat them then.”

~~~

Joe loves going outside. The problem is,