Yet another thing I didn’t expect I’d find myself saying to my kids. (Along with “Is anyone missing their snake head.”)
While school was still in session, my daughters were having a hard time getting work done because their brother kept wanting to pool noodle light saber fight them. They tried to decline his invitation due to prior responsibilities, but he was having none of that schooling nonsense. Read the rest of this entry
That’s No. 1 on the list of Things I Never Thought I’d Say to My Kids.
But that’s what happens when you return to your writing desk and find this:
It’s one of those jointed plastic snakes that wriggle and turn. The kind of cheap prize you get at kid’s carnival games (which is where I’m pretty sure this came from).
At any rate, one of my daughters called from the other room to announce that she’d found Read the rest of this entry
My daughter’s science assignment is to come up with analogies for the parts of a cell. My husband is helping her with ideas like a factory and an assembly line. I’m in the kitchen yelling my own suggestions: “gun runners, the Nazi regime, Read the rest of this entry
Anyone who spends a significant amount of time with a toddler can appreciate the joy that a few minutes of privacy can bring. Toddlers are with you always, with an endless stream of questions, many of which have obvious answers and didn’t need to be asked in the first place.
I had one of those days with my son, so when I went to the bathroom, I locked the door. I just wanted to tinkle in peace. But no sooner had I sat down when I heard the familiar: “Mommy, where are you?” followed by my son’s desperate attempt to open the door. I was so frustrated I couldn’t stand it. So when my son asked, “What you doing?” I replied, Read the rest of this entry
At dinner one night, we had potatoes and various vegetables with our meal. Seeing the proximity in color between the potatoes and cauliflower made me remember the time when my husband was heating up some left over mashed potatoes. Much to his chagrin while eating them, he discovered a rogue piece of cauliflower amongst his spuds, masterly disguising itself as a fellow tuber.
When I reminded him of that incident, my eight-year-old daughter said, “And when you found it, did you say, Read the rest of this entry
After she received a Rapunzel wig as a gift, I found myself saying to my daughter, “Avery, you have to put away your hair now.” –Heather, mother of 2
My three-year-old son has an unusually long tongue. When we were driving home from church one day, I looked in the rear view mirror then said, “Carter! Get your tongue out of your Read the rest of this entry
My son asked me why the doors at Costco were so large, so I told him the truth: Read the rest of this entry
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Perhaps we were feeling a bit nostalgic, but whatever the reason, my sister and I, in high school and middle school respectively, were playing Candy Land with our father. All three of us were nearing King Kandy and the Candy Castle; however, the dreaded Plumpy card, which would send one of us back to the beginning of the playing board, had not yet been picked. The tension was palpable. We each in turn chose our card haltingly, slowly turning it over, then heaving a sigh of relief when it was merely a color, perhaps a double color, but not the accursed Plumpy. Finally, not being able to bear it much longer, my father exclaimed, Read the rest of this entry
The other morning our son climbed in bed with us and asked my husband, “How come your armpits are so furry?” My husband replied, “I ate a monster! When you get older you will eat a monster and get furry, too.” Then my son said, Read the rest of this entry
“I am sorry to have distressed you so deeply, dear son, but no, you may not chew on the electrical cords.” Michelle, mother of 1
“Do NOT lick the abacus!” Stephanie, mother of four
A few I’ve told my own children: Don’t lick the tree! Don’t lick the snail! (It was the slimy side, too.) Don’t pick up dog poop!
“Don’t KISS the snail!” Kevin, father of 2 [Ed. note: I’m actually guilty of having done that as an adult!] Read the rest of this entry