Top Ten Parenting Tips

I had another* article published at Four Columns for a Balanced Life.

Read this in a loud, echoey voice — BEHOLD:

Did you hear an angelic choir singing, “Awwwwwwwwwwwww”?

Here’s one tip from the article:

Because parenting is hard, cruddy stuff is going to happen. It just comes with the territory. Taking a deep breath and moving on after an unfortunate incident will help you maintain a happier demeanor, inside and out, especially when it comes to things you have no control over. Some days your children are just going to be fussy like they’re taking turns or have it scheduled on a secret calendar. Keeping a sense of humor helps. Once I asked a friend how her kids were. She responded: “For sale.”

Little secret, though: I only combed through the first couple of chapters for these ten. I could get 10 or more “top” 10 articles out of this book. As one reviewer put it:

She was tipsy when she wrote this book. (It contains more tips than the apron of the prettiest bar maid at Oktoberfest.) It’s clear that she’s a happy, fun person (Betsy, not the bar maid), who followed the advice from her previous books…

She shares her struggles and successes with a healthy dose of humility and humor. Well, maybe it’s more a gluttonous dose of humor.

(Here’s that review.)

I also got this text from my sister: “I CAN’T GET MY WORK DONE BECAUSE I CAN’T PUT YOUR BOOK DOWN.” She wrote that during her “I can’t figure out how to get rid of all caps on my phone” phase (though she would’ve written that in all caps).

Another person said, “I might have raised better kids if I had had your book a long time ago!”

And my favorite:

Kids say the funniest things

A friend came across these notes she’d written about her daughter and kindly and boldly sent me photos. She even allowed me to share them with you. Enjoy!

The hidden glamorous side of motherhood

My friend with three sons posted this on facebook:

Life as the Activities Director at Camp Mommy is seldom dull. Overheard this morning:

Boy 1 – “What should we do?”

Boy 2- “Let’s all get in the closet and fart. Last one standing wins.”

I’m glad I have three girls. Although, today the youngest said,

Not exactly a glass-half-full kind of kid

My husband missed dinner because a work meeting ran long. As I was serving our youngest her food she said, “It feels like Dad died.”

“That’s a sad thing to say!”

She looked down, thought about it for a while, and then changed her statement to

Pardon?

You know how people have different ways of expressing that they didn’t hear something you said? There’s the classic, “What?” the “Pardon?” and the “Come again?”

Apparently in Texas they have their own expression for this situation.

I was in the Dallas airport, ordering food, and the woman taking my order said something I didn’t understand. This resulted in an overly lengthy, somewhat comedic exchange.

I said, “What?”

She said her thing again.

I still didn’t catch it. Whatever she said made no sense in my brain. And her bit of accent wasn’t helping either of us. I was forced to say, yet again, “What?”

Misc. funny lines

Speaking to his toys: “Hi. I’m Daniel. I’m going to keep you safe from Katherine. She is a big giant.” (In case you haven’t guessed it, Katherine is his big sister.) -posted by a friend on Facebook

~~~

Something you never expect to hear from an adorable little blonde girl: “Mom! Come see my poop! It’s enormous!”

Yes, I did go see it. And she was correct.

A funny thing happened on our way to Buffalo

A few weeks ago we were visiting friends at their home near Buffalo, NY. There were some good lines worth sharing during those two days.

For instance, Jay, father of 5, asked  his daughter, “Are you ready for dessert?” She responded by patting her lower stomach and saying, “I have room in my basement.”

I’ve gotta remember that line.

My nine-year-old daughter was helping Jay cook scrambled eggs one morning. “Do you like cooking?” he asked her. “Yes. I have to learn how so I can move out of the house.” Suddenly startled by her own words, she added,

Notable quotes

I told my three-year-old to wait a while before I put sour cream on her cheese quesadilla because the sour cream would melt if I put it on right away. A minute later, still waiting on her mother to give her sour cream, she complained,

Animal Geography

 

 

 

My three-year-old asked me, “Where do penguins live?”

 

 

 

“In Antarctica,” I told her.

 

 

 

“What about polar bears?”

 

 

 

“Near the North Pole.”

 

 

 

“Giraffes?”

 

 

 

“Africa.”

 

 

 

“Toucans?”

 

 

 

“South America.”

 

 

 

Then, triumphant in her knowledge, she exclaimed,

 

 

 

As heard in a fourth grade classroom

One of my students lent me a book. “I’ll bring it back to you on Monday,” I told her. She replied in a semi-condescending tone, “Ummm, no, Mrs. P., you won’t be able to finish it by then. Not with all YOUR homework!”

Assisting a student with a question on her science test, I read, “Which of the following three things would make a good conductor of electricity?”
“Can you give me a hint?” she asked.
“Sorry, Sweetie, I can’t give any hints. I can only read the question.”
“Well, the only conductors I know of are