Tag Archives: funny parenting stories

Why my daughter is a weirdo

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When she was upset and crying, (I forget about what. It was minor.) she tearfully asked, “Do we have any [sniff] tomatoes?”
Tomatoes? The kid wanted tomatoes to calm herself down! Not a hug from Mommy, not her teddy bear or blanket, not even a bar of chocolate or some ice cream like any normal female.
She wanted tomatoes.
My husband picked four tiny red ones from our plant outside. She was instantly consoled. I wish it were that easy for me.
Then, as if that weren’t weird enough, she put the tomatoes in her milk cup and drank/ate them. Like I said, weirdo. Of course, this is also the child who enjoys drinking grape juice and milk. In the same cup.

She also asserts frequently and with great confidence that the last day of this coming summer will be the best day of her life because then she gets to start Kindergarten the next day. Let’s see how long her enjoyment of school lasts, shall we?

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Too cute not to share

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My seven-year-old was reading about owls out loud, including what they eat. My four-year-old said to me, “So if an owl saw a human it would be like, [shrugs shoulders] ‘Umm. Nah.'”

Where does she come up with this stuff?

A friend posted this on facebook. My heart nearly melted:
Two of my children were chatting in the backyard sandbox. One said to the other, Read the rest of this entry

Being deflated by a four-year-old

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Getting dressed in the morning in my home doesn’t always happen. The rule is, you must be dressed by lunch, and if the kids are okay with a late lunch then….

Not being a great role model in this regard–I mean, why bother taking off the clothes you’ll just be putting back on in a few hours, am I right?–I tried one day to be better.

“Let’s see who can get dressed first!” I called to my girls enthusiastically.

“I’m halfway there!” I soon announced from my room.

“One more arm hole to go!”

Then, triumphantly, I stood in their bedroom doorway, arms raised, announcing, “I win!”

My half-dressed youngest said disdainfully, Read the rest of this entry

Where can I find a sign that says “Read the sign”?

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I saw them heading up my driveway, a mother and her daughter, most likely. They didn’t carry chocolate or cookies, they carried paper, pamphlets of some sort. As any rational adult would do in this situation, I hid. Unfortunately, the windows along my escape route had sheer curtains, so my best recourse was hiding behind the door, down low because of the glass near the top.

Not my finest moment.

Then my seven-year-old came along. Read the rest of this entry

So close…

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I’m trying my hand at novel writing. My oldest is eager to read my book. I’ve caught her a couple of times trying to read over my shoulder as I type, but I’ve told her she’s too young for it. At dinner she asked, “Can I just read the parts that I’m not too young for?” I said she can read it when it’s published. She’ll probably have children of her own by then, so it should be all good.

Then my seven-year-old said, “Maybe your book will be made into a movie.”

“That would be great!” I said, impressed that she was looking out for the success of her momma.

But then she added, Read the rest of this entry

Alas, poor butterfly. I knew him well.

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It was my fault, really. I spotted the butterfly just standing there on our back patio. I called the girls over to see it. They came on tiptoes. Then they sat in awe and spoke in hushed tones, not wishing to disturb it or scare it away.

Attempts to get them to eat breakfast were thwarted by the mystique of the orange, black, and white. Soon sketch pads came out and whole pages were being devoted to the majesty of the monarch.

Suddenly the silence was broken as one girl called out to me a curt but anguished, “Mom!” I rushed to the scene, sensing the distress in her voice. Read the rest of this entry

Two signs of needing a change

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Sign number 1–Change needed: sheets

English: flat sheets Deutsch: Bettlaken

English: flat sheets Deutsch: Bettlaken. You just learned a little German there. You’re welcome! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I changed the sheets on our bed. Admittedly, these probably don’t get changed as often as they should. The proof? When my daughter walked into the room, saw the folded sheets ready to put on the bare bed and asked, Read the rest of this entry