Tag Archives: funny parenting stories

So sweet. So innocent. So… wait.

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Look! I made a slideshow!

Image 1: What’s Darth Vader holding?

Image 2: Oh, that’s nice. It’s a flower.

Image 3: Joe: “It’s not a flower. It’s a bomb that explodes people.”

Yep. That’s my son, folks.

I recently visited a larger version of the store where I normally buy Chex Mix. Curious, I wandered into the snack aisle to see what varieties of Chex Mix there might be.

Behold! Varieties I didn’t even know existed!

Buffalo Ranch and Ghost Pepper Chex Mix!

Did you know Chex Mix made these flavors? Would you try the Buffalo Ranch with “Flavor Blasted Spicy Buffalo Chex Pieces + Ranch Chex Mix” or the “Hot and Spicy” (ya think?) Ghost Pepper with “Danger” and “Scary Hot” written on the packaging?

Look! I made a poll!

Spelling reality check

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You’ll note that after the word noisiest my daughter wrote “AKA Joe,” her little brother. Later she did the same next to “craziness.” I didn’t complain since both statements were accurate.

I went over my daughter’s weekly spelling words with her to be sure she knew their meanings. Most were easy, but some, like ascertain, required an explanation. Others I pointed to and asked, “Do you know what this word means?”

“Yes.”

“And this one?”

“Yes.”

“Let me tell you what this one means.”

“I know what cleanliness means!” she said.

“Based on the state of your room, I don’t think you do,” I countered.

She grinned sheepishly.

Read the rest of this entry

Co-writing a novel

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Co-writing a novel

These two are writing a book together in a google doc. Because they can see what the other is typing, as she’s typing it, when one misspelled a word on her computer, the other corrected it on her own. Then the first wrote in the doc, “Show off,” and they both started laughing.

While they were washing dishes earlier, I heard them discussing what hair color to give a particular character.

“Red hair.”

“But James has red hair.”

“What about black?”

“Eww.”

I chimed in with, “How about strawberry blond?”

“Oooh, let’s do that,” said one.

“Yes,” agreed the other.

“You know why?” I said.

Read the rest of this entry

Altitude Adjustment

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Our family took a mini trip to a rented house in a quaint little mountain town known for its apple cider and apple pie. On the drive, as we got farther and farther from our city by the sea (and sea level), Husband warned the kids of several possibilities, due to the altitude:

Their ears might start to hurt, due to the altitude.

The air is thinner, so it might be harder to breathe, due to the altitude.

It’s much colder, due to the altitude.

These possible side effects were mentioned several times… due to the altitude.

At the house, one daughter said the water tasted different, “maybe due to the altitude.” (I suggested it was probably just the different fridge.)

As another daughter climbed into bed with socks on, I was shocked to see how filthy the bottom of her feet were.

Read the rest of this entry

I didn’t spill o.j. in Japan.

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“Oops!” my nine-year-old said as she opened the orange juice.

“Did you spill it everywhere?” I asked.

“Not everywhere,” she said. “I didn’t spill it in Japan.”

Can’t argue with that logic.

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. (I’m just going to pretend you’ve noticed and have been concerned.) Now I seriously want that delicious looking glass of o.j. With a little something extra in it. Triple sec? Amaretto?

What’s your drink of choice?

Pardon, puppy?

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Alphabet puppy looking so sweet and innocent.

Joe has a dog toy with alphabet buttons along its back. When you hit one of the letters, it says the letter name and gives an example of a word beginning with that letter.

For instance, if you hit the D you’d hear, “D, dog.”

If you hit two letters rapidly, you get odd results. Read the rest of this entry

Where are they learning this?!

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ninja-3620641_960_720My younger two girls decided to dress as tourists, complete with hats, purses, and a camera. Interesting, I thought.

Then one gave me a bright smile and said, “We’re robbing a museum! We’ve got our ninja clothes on underneath.” She lifted her pant leg to show me her black pants. “We packed gloves to cover our fingerprints, and I’ve got ninja stars in my purse.”

The younger daughter pulled out a toy phone. “And I’ve got this to communicate with!”

They set toys up around the room to pretend to steal. Read the rest of this entry

Blog clean up

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When looking for a story to post this week, I checked my plethora of drafts where I’ve housed snippets of funny things to save for later.

It’s later.

So prepare yourself for a series disjointed stories while I clean up my draft folder. For instance: Read the rest of this entry

The Predator Becomes the Prey

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I found this story in my drafts folder from about two years ago!

raccoon

Raccoon photo courtesy of Pixabay.

We spotted a raccoon. In our yard.

Normally this would be met with a little excitement, mingled with a twinge of fear as in: Don’t let the kids get close; it could be rabid.

But tonight the sight meant: We have chickens! Get that b*stard out of here!

No one said that, of course. The children, after all. But Hubs and I were thinking it.

He grabbed a stick and chased after the raccoon, which jumped on the lattice fence. As it was crawling down the other side, Hubs jabbed the stick through a hole and got the racoon in its belly. It fell the remaining two feet and scurried off.

[If you love all creatures, great and small, including chicken killers, my apologies.]

“That will keep him away. But not for long,” Hubs said.

The children went on the offensive. Armed with sticks and a surprisingly functionalĀ  homemade bow and arrow, they kept guard, marching back and forth along the fence. Read the rest of this entry