Tag Archives: funny parenting stories

Whose kid is this?!

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My sweet, darling, adorable red-headed six-year-old, E, never ceases to astound me. But not always for good reason.

Here’s an exchange between her and her older sister, L, while they stirred up strawberry jello.

E: It’s blood.
L: No, it’s a flood.
E: It’s a flood of blood.
L: No, it’s a strawberry flood.
E: It’s a flood of strawberry blood.
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The joys of homeschooling

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I just came across this facebook post of mine from a couple years ago. It still cracks me up so I thought I’d share:

Phonics and spelling assessment for one child + math unit review for another = Momma gets to have a little a-d-d-i-t-i-o-n to her lemonade today!

vodka+ lemonade

= temporary relief from insanity

Remember, faithful readers, when my oldest came up with a handy excuse for her spelling mistakes, ala “a letter was missing because it wasn’t invited to the word party,” or the quotation marks were so low because “they had rocks in their boots”?

The latest came when the printer was running low on ink and the bottom halves of a few lines were faint to non-existent. My daughter said Read the rest of this entry

Pardon?

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You know how people have different ways of expressing that they didn’t hear something you said? There’s the classic, “What?” the “Pardon?” and the “Come again?”

Apparently in Texas they have their own expression for this situation.

I was in the Dallas airport, ordering food, and the woman taking my order said something I didn’t understand. This resulted in an overly lengthy, somewhat comedic exchange.

I said, “What?”

She said her thing again.

I still didn’t catch it. Whatever she said made no sense in my brain. And her bit of accent wasn’t helping either of us. I was forced to say, yet again, “What?” Read the rest of this entry

Ah, the silliness in this home

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Here are a few scattered stories I’ve been saving up.

The kids have an inflatable globe for school. I walked into the bathroom and found it on the floor. I picked it up and handed it back to them saying, “When I go to the bathroom, I don’t want the whole world watching.”

Can you guess where we live? The girls have made it easier to identify their home planet. I mean country.

Can you guess where we live? The girls have made it easier to identify their home planet. I mean country.

And for my readers from the land down under, here's what the world looks like to you.

And for my readers from the land down under, here’s what the world looks like for you.

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A good night for take out

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Anyone who spends a significant amount of time with a toddler can appreciate the joy that a few minutes of privacy can bring. Toddlers are with you always, with an endless stream of questions, many of which have obvious answers and didn’t need to be asked in the first place.

I had one of those days with my son, so when I went to the bathroom, I locked the door. I just wanted to tinkle in peace. But no sooner had I sat down when I heard the familiar: “Mommy, where are you?” followed by my son’s desperate attempt to open the door. I was so frustrated I couldn’t stand it. So when my son asked, “What you doing?” I replied,  Read the rest of this entry

When genius backfires

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My friend Anita shared this:

Last week my youngest two children discovered a fly in the house. Pure terror! One screamed her head off as it landed on her head. Every time it flew by they screamed and cried. I quickly reassured them that he was friendly, his name is George and he is our new pet. Problem solved! Now they look for him, share their food with him and protect him from potential dangers (like Daddy’s swatting dish towel). Not looking forward to the day he disappears.”

So close….

I was surprised to find so many people posting on Facebook that Kate Middleton had a baby girl. Do we really care? Although one mom had a great take on the whole thing. Read the rest of this entry

Why my daughter is a weirdo

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When she was upset and crying, (I forget about what. It was minor.) she tearfully asked, “Do we have any [sniff] tomatoes?”
Tomatoes? The kid wanted tomatoes to calm herself down! Not a hug from Mommy, not her teddy bear or blanket, not even a bar of chocolate or some ice cream like any normal female.
She wanted tomatoes.
My husband picked four tiny red ones from our plant outside. She was instantly consoled. I wish it were that easy for me.
Then, as if that weren’t weird enough, she put the tomatoes in her milk cup and drank/ate them. Like I said, weirdo. Of course, this is also the child who enjoys drinking grape juice and milk. In the same cup.

She also asserts frequently and with great confidence that the last day of this coming summer will be the best day of her life because then she gets to start Kindergarten the next day. Let’s see how long her enjoyment of school lasts, shall we?

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