Lord, let me blend in with the wall!

St. Peter’s Basilica at Early Morning (Photo credit: Wikipedia) P.S. This wasn’t the church I was at!

When my youngest was born, she made her first church appearance just a few days later. Being understandably tired, we didn’t make it to our usual Mass, but went to an 11:00 a.m. at a church I’m not as familiar with. The baby slept wonderfully through Mass until just before the end. When she began to cry, I picked her up and looked around for a private hidey-hole in which to discreetly feed her. Then I spotted a folding  chair in a dark corner, far from any people. Perfect!

A minute later, Mass was over and I soon discovered a crucial architectural structure that I had previously overlooked:

What a holy little boy!

Window at Parish Church of St Peter, Frampton Cotterell, England (Photo credit: DanieVDM)

I was sitting in the last pew at church, nursing the baby. When one of my nursing pads became full, I replaced it with a new one and set the old one down on the seat next to me. Before I could stop him, my five-year-old son grabbed the soggy white circle, stuck it on the top of his head, and ran up the aisle yelling,

How to tell if you’re a mom, Part 1

The two most hateful, fearful, and odious words in the English language are: potty training.

Even though you’re not on TV or in a movie, you sometimes hear yourself saying, “It’s quiet….Tooooo quiet.”

One of your headlights is out.

I was at a Bible study with my church group, which is normally all women. This one particular day, someone’s husband decided to come along and was seated across from me. I had my newborn baby with me, and when she got fussy, I excused myself to nurse her. When I returned to my seat, I noticed the man staring at my chest with a somewhat confused and bewildered expression. I was rather put off by this, but when I looked down, I understood.

Now, mom, when I make this sound, I want you to….

I was pregnant with my second but still nursing my first. The doctor said I should stop nursing; otherwise, I might go into early labor. Worried about this, I stopped nursing cold turkey. My son, didn’t quite understand this new concept.

Do your boobs hang low, do they wobble to and fro?

My youngest child is very attached to me and almost always cuddles with me every night before falling asleep. I was lying on my back and he was snuggling up to me when his hand grazed my chest. He said rather exasperated,

Three-year-olds have acute fashion sense.

I was nursing our baby while laying down to get her to go to sleep when the toddler came in the room. As she climbed onto the bed she shuddered and quickly dismounted as she said, “It’s no good in here.”

How’s that go again?

One of my children was very curious as to how nursing worked. I gave him a lengthy, thorough explanation, to which he finally replied…. “Yeah, right!” Mary, mother of 4

Wardrobe Malfunctions

My parents dropped by unannounced one day. I met them in the driveway, and as I was talking, a nursing pad suddenly fell right out of my shirt. Silence ensued as we all stared down at it. Finally, my father burst out laughing. I picked it up, turned, and replaced it as casually as I could, but I know my face was red, probably even after they had driven away. Becky, mother of 4