E. T. is becoming a problem

No, I’m not talking about the famous movie where the people in space suits freaked me out as a kid. I’m talking about Enthusiastic Teen whose fervor in our Jiu-Jitsu classes has taken a turn.

I used to see ET sparingly, but he’s been showing up more often than not lately. Because we don’t bring out the best in each other, I try to avoid him. Thankfully, the next class after the scolding was when Jack the Black Belt volunteered to work with me. However, near the end of class, we did a musical chairs-type thing, which led me to interact with ET. I told him what happened after the “Ugh. I got ET” comment. He grabbed both my hands and said, “I am so so sorry you got in trouble.” Then he said more and tried to grab my hands again, but I wouldn’t let him.

ET is becoming a problem.

In the next class, I arrived a bit late and so lined up at the end. ET stuck his head out from farther down the line to look at me, but I averted my eyes. At a pause in instruction, he moved to stand next to me.

ET is becoming a problem.

When instruction was over, ET asked, “Want to work together?” I wasn’t prepared for how to say no, so I felt I had no choice but to agree. He’s sort of difficult to work with in that he messes around too much.

He did, however, teach me (or rather remind me of) a valuable hook technique (I forget the name) that helped me lift his leg, which is probably about half my entire body weight, so I could sneak my leg out from behind his.

“Nice, Betsy. Using the ___ hook,” Instructor said as he walked by on his rounds.

ET is sometimes not a problem.

Top Ten Parenting Tips

I had another* article published at Four Columns for a Balanced Life.

Read this in a loud, echoey voice — BEHOLD:

Did you hear an angelic choir singing, “Awwwwwwwwwwwww”?

Here’s one tip from the article:

Because parenting is hard, cruddy stuff is going to happen. It just comes with the territory. Taking a deep breath and moving on after an unfortunate incident will help you maintain a happier demeanor, inside and out, especially when it comes to things you have no control over. Some days your children are just going to be fussy like they’re taking turns or have it scheduled on a secret calendar. Keeping a sense of humor helps. Once I asked a friend how her kids were. She responded: “For sale.”

Little secret, though: I only combed through the first couple of chapters for these ten. I could get 10 or more “top” 10 articles out of this book. As one reviewer put it:

She was tipsy when she wrote this book. (It contains more tips than the apron of the prettiest bar maid at Oktoberfest.) It’s clear that she’s a happy, fun person (Betsy, not the bar maid), who followed the advice from her previous books…

She shares her struggles and successes with a healthy dose of humility and humor. Well, maybe it’s more a gluttonous dose of humor.

(Here’s that review.)

I also got this text from my sister: “I CAN’T GET MY WORK DONE BECAUSE I CAN’T PUT YOUR BOOK DOWN.” She wrote that during her “I can’t figure out how to get rid of all caps on my phone” phase (though she would’ve written that in all caps).

Another person said, “I might have raised better kids if I had had your book a long time ago!”

And my favorite:

Birthday card, my parents’ style

My mother clearly put a lot of thought into choosing just the right card for her youngest child’s birthday.

See what she wrote on the inside.

Rejected reviews… and pictures!

Three people have told me their Amazon review of my book, Be a Happier Parent or Laugh Trying was rejected by the inscrutable Amazon police. Since they went to the trouble, I hate for their thoughtful words to be lost in the ethos of the internet. The hilarious, thought-provoking Tref of Trefology, and non-blogger, Theresa, were kind enough to share their efforts with me.

Here’s what Tref wrote:

I am a long time reader of Betsy’s blog, Parenting Is Funny. I am not a parent, or a pediatrician, a Franciscan, or a retired early-childhood mental health counselor. I do have a turtle. And it’s a very naughty turtle, but, really, I am just a guy who likes funny things. And Betsy Kerekes is very, very funny. She is also very wise. In classical philosophy she would be called a sage. But fortunately for us, classical philosophy does not enter into it. Nobody ever put down a copy of Schopenhauer’s Parerga and Paralipomena and said, “That is hilarious!” But with this book, you will do just that.

Golly, thanks, Tref!

And Theresa said:

Mrs. Kerekes writes a book about parenting that is very helpful with good advice and very entertaining, making me laugh— which is something highly needed at this time in my life as I have 2 teenagers and one young adult in college. My previous life was as a registered nurse in a neonatal and pediatric ICU with many challenging children to take care of, but I must say, parenting trumps that job and is the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. Taking the attitude and humor that Mrs. Kerekes recommends is what gets me through this parenting job….. All I can say is thank you, Betsy, for making me a happier parent!!

Garsh, Theresa. That was swell of you.

And now for the non-related pictures, because I did promise pictures.

The Write Spot, Part 2

Last week I wrote about my failed attempt to get serious writing done at home. The following week, I decided to venture back to the library.

Instead of sitting in the back corner in the section marked “Silent Zone,” I found a more central area, not directly under the AC, that was, at least initially, quiet.

Then someone I couldn’t see carried on a phone conversation at full volume. Minutes later, a librarian, of all people, explained to a patron the organizational system of the book stacks at even greater volume. And finally, an older gentleman asked if the seat next to me was taken. When I said no, he responded, “Now it is,” and plunked down with a waft of week-old body odor, dropped his pile of newspapers next to him, then crinkled through them one by one, all the while taking rattling breaths that twice made me check to be sure he hadn’t actually fallen asleep and was snoring.

The Write Spot, Part 1

I’ve previously written about my difficulty finding a quiet place away from the house to work without fear of freezing or minor theft. But since that didn’t happen at the library, I decided to just stay home.

I got cozy and warm under a blanket on my bed with my laptop snuggled on my lap. The house was quiet. Joe was napping. The girls were reading. I was being productive.

Then Joe woke up.

Kids grow up so fast.

One day my son is two. The next day he eats cold pizza for breakfast, so apparently he’s now in college. [My husband was on breakfast duty that day.]

My husband was googling what to do when your paint cans won’t close securely, so I asked him, “How did we find things out before Google?” He said, “We talked to people. This is much better.”

Waffles with Writers–Betsy Kerekes style!

Author Mike Allegra, featured last week here, is kindly hosting me on his blog this week. Check it out!

Hi, Betsy! Come on in. Pull up a chair. How do you like your waffles?

Thanks, Mike! I’m so honored to be here. As to my waffles, normally I just have syrup, but since this is a special occasion, I say go all out: gimme some whipped cream, blueberries and strawberries. I feel like living large today.

Then live large you shall. How did you get started in the advice book business? Was there an epiphany, an aha moment when you thought, “Hey, this stuff I’m doing might help others?”

There kind of was. I remember lying in bed one night running through a potential scenario with my kids, advising them how to handle whatever situation had befallen them, as I tended to do whilst trying to fall asleep, and I thought, these situations may never happen, but I should still write this stuff down.

And then I never did.

Did I mention *I* have a new book out too?

In the book launch furor for my beloved blog buddies, (Oooh, BBB!) it occurred to me that I might as well mention that my third book hit shelves last week. BEHOLD:

Amazon and Barnes and Noble will get the book in about a month, but the publisher has it now.

Here are a few excerpts:

It helps knowing that I’m not the only parent who messes up. I saw a picture of a t-shirt tag that bore the instructions: “Remove child before washing.” I mean, if that has to be stated for some parents, I can’t be doing too badly.

Some days your children are just going to be fussy, like they’re taking turns or have it scheduled on a secret calendar. Keeping a sense of humor helps. Once I asked a friend how her kids were. She responded: “For sale.”

Though I’m no athlete, it doesn’t stop my friends who wake up at 5:30 to run, from trying to convince me to join them. There must be something to it, though, as they seem very happy. Also insane, but crazy people do tend to laugh a lot, so it’s hard to tell the difference. My workout comes from lifting the baby on my legs while I lie on the floor. He cracks up and that makes me crack up too — until he drools into my mouth.

Any brand of silliness is bound to earn you points with your kids. My mom would often say, “You in the pink dress.” No one was wearing a dress. Or pink.

Buy it for the parents in your life, or for yourself if you enjoy a good laugh, and let’s be honest: Who doesn’t?

BBBs: I didn’t organize a Blog Hop because I’m not as cool as you. If anyone would like to do a shout out, I certainly won’t stop you. Feel free to copy what you like from this post, or ask me for more if you just can’t get enough of all this.

The best part of being Mom is…

When the kids eat m&m’s, I make them give me all the ones with my initial on them.

My blog presence lately has been scattershot at best. Deadline this, deadline that. Too little time to keep up, sadly. But on the plus side to all this work…