Altitude Adjustment

Our family took a mini trip to a rented house in a quaint little mountain town known for its apple cider and apple pie. On the drive, as we got farther and farther from our city by the sea (and sea level), Husband warned the kids of several possibilities, due to the altitude:

Their ears might start to hurt, due to the altitude.

The air is thinner, so it might be harder to breathe, due to the altitude.

It’s much colder, due to the altitude.

These possible side effects were mentioned several times… due to the altitude.

At the house, one daughter said the water tasted different, “maybe due to the altitude.” (I suggested it was probably just the different fridge.)

As another daughter climbed into bed with socks on, I was shocked to see how filthy the bottom of her feet were.

Expert customer service

In the check-out line at Costco, a young employee asked with a completely straight face:

“The item at the top of your cart–will that be to purchase or for return?”

“I didn’t realize returns were an option on those,” I said.

Again, with nary a mouth twitch, he said, “If you have the original receipt.”

They were being inconsiderate, really.

Audience photo by Vlah Dumitru on Unsplash.

At the end of a school play (Pre-covid, obviously), when the audience was applauding, Joe kept saying something I couldn’t hear. Finally, when the crowd’s enthusiasm died down, he said, “They weren’t listening to me. They kept clapping.”

The nerve of some people.

He just watched me scrubbing a toilet, cleaning the shower, etc. and said,

When you spot a bug in the house, get a chicken.

At least, that’s what my daughter did.

An earwig was in the doorway between the in and outdoors. Most people would’ve grabbed a shoe and flicked the bugger outside.

But, nope. She retrieved a chicken to eat it instead.

 

We like giving our hens protein, after all.

I didn’t spill o.j. in Japan.

WikiImages from Pixabay

“Oops!” my nine-year-old said as she opened the orange juice.

“Did you spill it everywhere?” I asked.

“Not everywhere,” she said. “I didn’t spill it in Japan.”

Can’t argue with that logic.

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. (I’m just going to pretend you’ve noticed and have been concerned.) Now I seriously want that delicious looking glass of o.j. With a little something extra in it. Triple sec? Amaretto?

What’s your drink of choice?

Nap time for Mommy

Out of energy, I flopped myself down on the couch. Of course, that’s about when my son woke up from his nap. One of the older children retrieved him from his crib, and he found me.

Rather than demand I get up and play with him, he gave me a stuffed kitten and laid his beloved blankie across my back.

“Should I read you a story?” he asked.

“Yes, please,” I said.

He grabbed the book, Dear Zoo, and read it quite well from memory.

“Would you like a song now?” he asked.

Kindergarten quotes

When a boy ran by a kindergarten girl, she remarked, “That kid flew by like a bag of popcorn!”

Who knew popcorn could move so fast?

When asked what he would do with $100, one kindergartner said with glee, “I’d buy a Lamborghini, a new house, and an airplane!”

A quote from my (non-kindergarten) daughter that was pretty entertaining came when she stepped out of the van after a 30-minute drive to our hiking site, looked down at her feet, and said, “Awww, man.”

My son thinks he’s SO clever

Joe was in his high chair. Not eating. I told him to take a bite. He leaned his head against the back of his chair, closed his eyes, and faked heavy sleep breathing.

First of all, when and how did he learn this?!

I said, “Should I take you to bed then?”

Still with his eyes closed, he lifted his pointer finger as in “one minute.”

Seriously, kid? So much for being asleep.

Delicious looking plate of green beans. That I didn’t cook, hence looking delicious. Image by Vu DOAN from Pixabay

~~~

When my parents were here for Christmas, Joe said, “I don’t need these green beans.”

My mom, trying to be helpful, said, “Green beans are my favorite!”

Joe said, “You can eat them then.”

~~~

Joe loves going outside. The problem is,

The Write Spot, Part 1

I’ve previously written about my difficulty finding a quiet place away from the house to work without fear of freezing or minor theft. But since that didn’t happen at the library, I decided to just stay home.

I got cozy and warm under a blanket on my bed with my laptop snuggled on my lap. The house was quiet. Joe was napping. The girls were reading. I was being productive.

Then Joe woke up.

The Predator Becomes the Prey

I found this story in my drafts folder from about two years ago!

Raccoon photo courtesy of Pixabay.

We spotted a raccoon. In our yard.

Normally this would be met with a little excitement, mingled with a twinge of fear as in: Don’t let the kids get close; it could be rabid.

But tonight the sight meant: We have chickens! Get that b*stard out of here!

No one said that, of course. The children, after all. But Hubs and I were thinking it.

He grabbed a stick and chased after the raccoon, which jumped on the lattice fence. As it was crawling down the other side, Hubs jabbed the stick through a hole and got the racoon in its belly. It fell the remaining two feet and scurried off.

[If you love all creatures, great and small, including chicken killers, my apologies.]

“That will keep him away. But not for long,” Hubs said.

The children went on the offensive. Armed with sticks and a surprisingly functional  homemade bow and arrow, they kept guard, marching back and forth along the fence.