Category Archives: Kids say the funniest things

The Write Spot, Part 1

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I’ve previously written about my difficulty finding a quiet place away from the house to work without fear of freezing or minor theft. But since that didn’t happen at the library, I decided to just stay home.

I got cozy and warm under a blanket on my bed with my laptop snuggled on my lap. The house was quiet. Joe was napping. The girls were reading. I was being productive.

Then Joe woke up. Read the rest of this entry

The Predator Becomes the Prey

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I found this story in my drafts folder from about two years ago!

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Raccoon photo courtesy of Pixabay.

We spotted a raccoon. In our yard.

Normally this would be met with a little excitement, mingled with a twinge of fear as in: Don’t let the kids get close; it could be rabid.

But tonight the sight meant: We have chickens! Get that b*stard out of here!

No one said that, of course. The children, after all. But Hubs and I were thinking it.

He grabbed a stick and chased after the raccoon, which jumped on the lattice fence. As it was crawling down the other side, Hubs jabbed the stick through a hole and got the racoon in its belly. It fell the remaining two feet and scurried off.

[If you love all creatures, great and small, including chicken killers, my apologies.]

“That will keep him away. But not for long,” Hubs said.

The children went on the offensive. Armed with sticks and a surprisingly functional  homemade bow and arrow, they kept guard, marching back and forth along the fence. Read the rest of this entry

If you give a child an empty wine box…

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She’ll turn it into a holder for her princess dolls.

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Rather inventive, no?

A friend shared this story about her five-year-old daughter:

Daughter: “Mommy, tell me a secret.”
Mom (whispering): “I think you are sweet and funny.”
Daughter: “Now, I’ll tell you one… (whispering) Read the rest of this entry

Watermelon woes

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I have a shirt with an image in the corner of a watermelon slice being carried away by ants. Once I looked down and saw an actual ant crawling across my shirt just below that image!

My younger two girls like to pretend to grab the watermelon from my shirt and put it in their pocket to save for later. (I shudder at what a mess that would make.)

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One time my youngest was complaining about the disproportionate watermelon distribution when I got her into the top bunk. I suggested that since she was up there, I could throw her enough watermelon to equal her sister’s.

She cried, “I can’t catch them. They’re too heavy!” Read the rest of this entry

As heard in a fourth grade classroom, part 3

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From my friend, “Mrs. P.”
Me (to one of my boys who was absent yesterday): Hey Buddy, you feeling better? Or, wait… Were you sick yesterday?
Boy (sighs): Oh, yeah… gas problems…
Me: Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better…
Boy (shakes head, smiling):

Read the rest of this entry

Utilizing the scientific principal of ‘better late than never’

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Here’s Little Man in his “My First Halloween” outfit.

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You got candy over there?

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My friend, you appear to have lost your head.

And so as not to have this blog turn into an excuse for showing off pictures of my baby, here’s a funny story to reward you for scrolling past the pics. My mom sent this to me about a friend’s child.

A little girl asked her grandfather, “Papa, what is the man’s job in a woman having a baby?” Read the rest of this entry

Some day, Baby. Some day.

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For reasons unknown to me, family members enjoy offering Baby Joseph food and laughing at his complete disinterest in this strange multi-colored stuff we’re putting in our mouths.

My youngest daughter said to him in her high-pitched little voice,¬†“You want chips and salsa, Joe? You want some beer?” (Please note that she was consuming neither.)

But the goofiness doesn’t end there. My oldest spilled dry Rice Krispies on the floor. Did she sweep them up right away? No. She brought out Read the rest of this entry