Category Archives: Funny parenting stories

Kindergarten quotes

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When a boy ran by a kindergarten girl, she remarked, “That kid flew by like a bag of popcorn!”

Who knew popcorn could move so fast?

When asked what he would do with $100, one kindergartner said with glee, “I’d buy a Lamborghini, a new house, and an airplane!”

A quote from my (non-kindergarten) daughter that was pretty entertaining came when she stepped out of the van after a 30-minute drive to our hiking site, looked down at her feet, and said, “Awww, man.”

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Read the rest of this entry

If you give a kid some sunshine

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The neighborhood cat will take notice.

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Note cat paw in upper right corner.

If the neighborhood cat takes notice, he’ll want to become your cat.

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If the cat wants to become your cat, your kids will gladly accept.

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If you continue to leave your door open, a bird will fly inside. Read the rest of this entry

Pardon, puppy?

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Alphabet puppy looking so sweet and innocent.

Joe has a dog toy with alphabet buttons along its back. When you hit one of the letters, it says the letter name and gives an example of a word beginning with that letter.

For instance, if you hit the D you’d hear, “D, dog.”

If you hit two letters rapidly, you get odd results. Read the rest of this entry

Where are they learning this?!

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ninja-3620641_960_720My younger two girls decided to dress as tourists, complete with hats, purses, and a camera. Interesting, I thought.

Then one gave me a bright smile and said, “We’re robbing a museum! We’ve got our ninja clothes on underneath.” She lifted her pant leg to show me her black pants. “We packed gloves to cover our fingerprints, and I’ve got ninja stars in my purse.”

The younger daughter pulled out a toy phone. “And I’ve got this to communicate with!”

They set toys up around the room to pretend to steal. Read the rest of this entry

Blog clean up

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When looking for a story to post this week, I checked my plethora of drafts where I’ve housed snippets of funny things to save for later.

It’s later.

So prepare yourself for a series disjointed stories while I clean up my draft folder. For instance: Read the rest of this entry

My son thinks he’s SO clever

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Joe was in his high chair. Not eating. I told him to take a bite. He leaned his head against the back of his chair, closed his eyes, and faked heavy sleep breathing.

First of all, when and how did he learn this?!

I said, “Should I take you to bed then?”

Still with his eyes closed, he lifted his pointer finger as in “one minute.”

Seriously, kid? So much for being asleep.

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Delicious looking plate of green beans. That I didn’t cook, hence looking delicious. Image by Vu DOAN from Pixabay

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When my parents were here for Christmas, Joe said, “I don’t need these green beans.”

My mom, trying to be helpful, said, “Green beans are my favorite!”

Joe said, “You can eat them then.”

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Joe loves going outside. The problem is, Read the rest of this entry

This is why you always leave a note

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Every year we go to my brother and sister-in-law’s for the holiday. Every year we get stressed out and have the same conversation at a frenetic pace.

“We should’ve started the potatoes sooner. They’re not going to be done in time.”

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Thanks for the pic Pixabay.

“Where’s the box to carry the food?”

“The ham juice is going to leak when we drive down the hill.”

“What are we forgetting?”

“Did you grab the [fill in the blank]?”

“I think we have everything now. Kids, get in the car!”

“We should’ve left already!”

This year the insanity was punctuated by Read the rest of this entry

The Write Spot, Part 2

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Last week I wrote about my failed attempt to get serious writing done at home. The following week, I decided to venture back to the library.

Instead of sitting in the back corner in the section marked “Silent Zone,” I found a more central area, not directly under the AC, that was, at least initially, quiet.

Then someone I couldn’t see carried on a phone conversation at full volume. Minutes later, a librarian, of all people, explained to a patron the organizational system of the book stacks at even greater volume. And finally, an older gentleman asked if the seat next to me was taken. When I said no, he responded, “Now it is,” and plunked down with a waft of week-old body odor, dropped his pile of newspapers next to him, then crinkled through them one by one, all the while taking rattling breaths that twice made me check to be sure he hadn’t actually fallen asleep and was snoring. Read the rest of this entry

It’s simple mathematics, really.

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To prove their love and devotion, my kids will often let me sleep with stuffed animals carefully chosen from among their vast stores.

It’s a little like paying tribute but without the volcano. One daughter will even hold out the proffered gift, head bowed, and back away, still bent at the waist, arms out. She’s a silly one. I don’t know where she gets it.

Lately the girls have been on a rabbit kick, so the space between Husband’s and my pillows has become filled with Thumper, Hopper, Flopper, and friends.

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Five stuffed rabbits, one bear, and one Alf in an apron and chef’s hat.

Husband said, “Why do there seem to be more animals here instead of less?” Read the rest of this entry