Category Archives: Kids DO the darndest things

Stylish hair gel

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Isn’t my son so stylish with his new spikey hair gel look?

Cool kid.

Nope. It’s just Read the rest of this entry

Covid pets

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My children have become resourceful in their time of need. And boredom.

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Snails in their new… terrarium, I guess?

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Closer shot. They look happy. I mean, I think.

After gathering these creatures from the neighborhood, the girls are learning snail husbandry. Each snail is named and checked on daily. A chart has been made with dates, colorations, observations. “What snails eat” has been googled many times to be sure they are well cared for.

Then, several weeks in, lo and behold… Read the rest of this entry

“Take turns fighting with your brother.”

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Yet another thing I didn’t expect I’d find myself saying to my kids. (Along with “Is anyone missing their snake head.”)

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While school was still in session, my daughters were having a hard time getting work done because their brother kept wanting to pool noodle light saber fight them. They tried to decline his invitation due to prior responsibilities, but he was having none of that schooling nonsense. Read the rest of this entry

Where are they learning this?!

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ninja-3620641_960_720My younger two girls decided to dress as tourists, complete with hats, purses, and a camera. Interesting, I thought.

Then one gave me a bright smile and said, “We’re robbing a museum! We’ve got our ninja clothes on underneath.” She lifted her pant leg to show me her black pants. “We packed gloves to cover our fingerprints, and I’ve got ninja stars in my purse.”

The younger daughter pulled out a toy phone. “And I’ve got this to communicate with!”

They set toys up around the room to pretend to steal. Read the rest of this entry

The Write Spot, Part 2

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Last week I wrote about my failed attempt to get serious writing done at home. The following week, I decided to venture back to the library.

Instead of sitting in the back corner in the section marked “Silent Zone,” I found a more central area, not directly under the AC, that was, at least initially, quiet.

Then someone I couldn’t see carried on a phone conversation at full volume. Minutes later, a librarian, of all people, explained to a patron the organizational system of the book stacks at even greater volume. And finally, an older gentleman asked if the seat next to me was taken. When I said no, he responded, “Now it is,” and plunked down with a waft of week-old body odor, dropped his pile of newspapers next to him, then crinkled through them one by one, all the while taking rattling breaths that twice made me check to be sure he hadn’t actually fallen asleep and was snoring. Read the rest of this entry

Mom, look what I can do!

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Joe called me into his room after I’d put him to bed last night, asking for a drink of water.

DSCN8754Classic stall technique.

He also held up his finger and said, “Get rid of it.”

As it was dark, I fumbled to find the end of his finger, where, what I thought was a broken fingernail, was hanging off. I easily removed it and tried to throw it in the trash, but as it took several tries to scrape the sticky substance off my own finger, I asked,

“Is this a booger? From your nose?”

Though I couldn’t see his beaming face, I could hear it in his voice.

“I got it myself!”

The last time I removed a booger from his nose, I had to wrestle him into the corner of the couch and use the jaws of life to pry his hands away from his face. (How is a two-year-old so strong?!)

So I said, “That’s good I guess.”

As I left his room, thinking maybe I won’t have to struggle to evacuate his nostrils again, it occurred to me that I had effectively taught my son to pick his nose.

Yep. *I* did that.

Sigh.

 

The toddler and the baby

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Little Joe was so sweetly and lovingly holding a baby doll, hugging and kissing it, I thought, “Awh, he’ll make a good dad some day, or perhaps big brother.”

Then he banged the doll’s head on the ground and yelled, “Ow!” Not once or twice, but three times.

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Nice, baby. Niiiice. A few seconds before “Wham! Wham!”

Boys.

 

Some day, Baby. Some day.

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For reasons unknown to me, family members enjoy offering Baby Joseph food and laughing at his complete disinterest in this strange multi-colored stuff we’re putting in our mouths.

My youngest daughter said to him in her high-pitched little voice, “You want chips and salsa, Joe? You want some beer?” (Please note that she was consuming neither.)

But the goofiness doesn’t end there. My oldest spilled dry Rice Krispies on the floor. Did she sweep them up right away? No. She brought out Read the rest of this entry

How to bathe a baby boy in 25 easy steps

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Step 1. Get water ready.

Step 2. Change and throw away poopy diaper.

Step 3. Return from depositing poopy diaper in diaper pail five feet away only to discover baby has pooped again ALREADY!

Step 4. Repeat steps 2-4, as needed.

Step 5. Remove baby’s clothing and carry to bathroom.

Step 6. Remove diaper, praying there’s no more poop in it. (If not, continue to step 7. If so, repeat steps 2–4, as needed.)

Step 7. Gently slide baby into bath water and begin bathing.

Step 8. Try not to show irritation as second youngest child enters room to “help.” Read the rest of this entry