How to bathe a baby boy in 25 easy steps

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Step 1. Get water ready.

Step 2. Change and throw away poopy diaper.

Step 3. Return from depositing poopy diaper in diaper pail five feet away only to discover baby has pooped again ALREADY!

Step 4. Repeat steps 2-4, as needed.

Step 5. Remove baby’s clothing and carry to bathroom.

Step 6. Remove diaper, praying there’s no more poop in it. (If not, continue to step 7. If so, repeat steps 2–4, as needed.)

Step 7. Gently slide baby into bath water and begin bathing.

Step 8. Try not to show irritation as second youngest child enters room to “help.”

Step 9. Listen to girl child prattle on about strange boy parts and ask how he pees.

Step 10. Calmly explain that he pees like a fountain, for lack of a better explanation.

Step 11. Jump and yell as boy demonstrates what you’re explaining, as you’re explaining it!

Step 12. Drain water.

Step 13. Repeat step 1 and subsequent steps, as needed.

Step 14. Quickly and hastily wash that baby!

Step 15. Wrap baby in towel and carry back to bedroom.

Step 16. See second oldest daughter enter room out of the corner of your eye while you’re trying to put on the fifth diaper of the last 5 minutes.

Step 17. Listen to youngest daughter explain to Big Sister how Baby Brother peed in the tub like a fountain.

Step 18. Jump and yell as, at the same time, baby demonstrates, yet freaking again, how he pees like a fountain, as if that word magically makes it happen.

Step 19. Catch what you can in diaper number 6, all the while knowing you’re just too darn late to avoid the damage being done.

Step 20. Consider repeating steps 1, etc. but instead say, “Screw it,” grab a handful of wipes and give your naked baby a wet wipe bath (including the face, oh yes, the face) while thinking you maybe should’ve just done it this way to begin with.

Step 21. Successfully apply (thank God!) the 7th diaper of the past five-minutes.

Step 22. Pull up edges of changing pad cover to be sure you don’t forget to wash it too.

Step 23. Ooh and ahh at how cute baby looks with the changing pad cover curled up around his face.

Step 24. Smile as youngest daughter runs to retrieve camera to take picture of cute baby brother.

Step 25. Think to self, “This would make a decent blog post.”

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“Baby boy in changing pad cover” [Photo courtesy of seven year-old sister.]

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57 responses »

  1. Oh. My. Gawd. Way Freaking hilarious! Brings back memories. One of the first pieces of advice my mom gave me when my son was born was “change him quick.” Yep. Learned fast–it only took once 😀 Just wait until he’s bigger, eating solid food, and manages to fill the diaper beyond its rated capacity. I don’t know how many times we had to give him multiple baths–only because he managed to get his entire back (not just butt) covered in poop. 😮

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Haha that is too funny! I’m currently expecting my little man in December, but I think I’m more ready for this than my darling fiance is 😀

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  3. That made me laugh out loud!! Thanks for that!
    With my two boys I always kept a pile of small face cloths in a basket on the change table. As soon as the diaper came off, the cloth went on (just covered that area right up!). Game changer.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So funny! I remember those days . . . oddly, I remember them fondly now. Maybe not so much in the moment. And I have to add that that is the most adorable pic of your baby wrapped up in his changing pad cover. . . it kind of makes it all worth it, doesn’t it?

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  5. HE IS ADORABLE!

    Also, the play by play is hilarious. I had a similar experience only it was my sister and brother in the room with me rather than older children and it wasn’t pee that shot across the room like a fountain …

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  6. With our first boy we measured how far he peed over his head and out the bedroom door (7′ 6″. He’s 34 now so we haven’t measured for some time). With the second boy in 18 months we didn’t measure. We threatened him with the dog pound and started drinking early in the day. Usually dawn.

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  7. Pingback: How to bathe a baby boy in 25 easy steps — parentingisfunny – New Mommy In Town

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