Here are a few scattered stories I’ve been saving up.
The kids have an inflatable globe for school. I walked into the bathroom and found it on the floor. I picked it up and handed it back to them saying, “When I go to the bathroom, I don’t want the whole world watching.”
My husband asked our youngest what she wanted to eat. “Are you a koala? Would you like some eucalyptus leaves? Are you a cheetah? Should I find you some raw meat, perhaps a dead mouse?” She didn’t even crack a smile. What’s wrong with these people?
[Another Australia reference with the koala. Our good friend lives there. The girls have suggested we ask her to mail us a koala to live in our eucalyptus tree so we don’t have to hire a tree trimmer every year. They’re such industrious thinkers!]
One of the kids wanted someone to play a board game with her, but the rest of us were still at the dinner table. The oldest said, “I sometimes play with Ribbity. Why don’t you play with one of your stuffed cats?”
I added, “Or you can play with Ribbity since he already knows how to play.”
We were at the produce section of the grocery store when my husband commented that perhaps he should buy some fruit as a healthy snack alternative for himself. “I could get some bananas, but E. (our five y-o) would probably eat them all.”
Not even knowing she was listening, (Shame on us. They’re always listening, except when told to do something.) E. responded all matter of fact: “Yep. I will.”
I have a shirt with a watermelon logo in the corner. My middle daughter likes to pretend to grab and eat it. She especially enjoys doing so after I’ve tucked her in at bed time. Then I’ll say, “Hey, no eating. I already brushed your teeth!” That became the routine to the point where once I didn’t say my line, and she had to instruct me: “What do you saa-ay?” So I recited my line and she laughed as though it was the first time I’d ever spoken such sheer brilliance.
Apparently I wear the watermelon shirt a lot. Another time she was crying about something. Who knows what? (Like I pay attention.) Anyway, I approached to offer comfort. I knelt in front of her and she continued to bawl, only pausing long enough to fake grab and eat the watermelon before continuing to cry her eyes out. Whatever pain caused the tears wasn’t sufficient to delay her ritual eating of the watermelon on my shirt. That kid.
Okay, readers. Any funnies of your own to share? Do you have a strange logo on any of your shirts? Do you like watermelon? Do you own a koala bear? Could we borrow it?