Tie breaker/Bonus round!

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Okay, everyone. It’s been one week since the T or F contest. Nobody got every question right, but three people only missed one. I could just let them try my bonus round, but if they still miss them, it will get us no where. Plus, what if someone who only missed two of the original 5 gets the two bonus questions right, catapulting that person into the lead, possibly the win? Oh, the suspense! The drama! The sarcasm!

So, not to exclude anyone from participating, you are all welcome to try these two bonus questions. After this, I will declare a winner, even it means drawing one from a hat, or letting my four-year-old choose which username she likes best. It will be something highly scientific like that.

If anyone is joining us for the first time and would like to participate in a chance to win an autographed copy of my co-authored book, 101 Tips for a Happier Marriage, answer these five T/F questions as well.

Everyone else: on to the tie breaker! Read the rest of this entry

Donut hands

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Some churches provide donuts after Mass for parishioners to munch while they mingle. This is a great bribery tool for parents who want their children to behave well at church. One son drew his Mother’s attention to his folded hands during Mass, saying “Look, Mom, donut hands!”

And here’s a little something from a friend of mine who teaches religion. This is CLASSIC!

I had my students do a journal entry for Isaac when he was going to be sacrificed by Abraham. Here is the end of one girl’s entry:
“….We sacrificed a ram instead. Then we went home, and as we were walking, my father said to me, Read the rest of this entry

Because it’s probably a felony in some states not to…

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I will mention that two blog awards were conferred upon me. Not since the days of this blog’s youth, have I received blog awards, so, for old time’s sake, and so I can display them on the sidebar and pretend it impresses people, I will gratefully acknowledge that Naptimethoughts.com sent these two my way. I like when they come as a package deal. It saves time.

one-lovely-blogvery_inspiring-blogger

There are always rules for these things, which are often disregarded or changed at the discretion of the awardee. First, I have to acknowledge who gave me the awards. Done!

Next, I’m supposed to say some stuff about myself. As Naptimethoughts put it so well: “Make up some crap about yourself. 10 5 things that are entirely false, but you TOTALLY wish they were true.” I’m pretty sure that when I got my first blog award probably three  years ago, lying wasn’t encouraged, but maybe these things have been floating around for so long there’s nothing new to say. P.S. Changing it from 10 to 5 was my contribution for future blog generations. You’re welcome, kids.

I’m also going to change things up a bit here. Read the rest of this entry

Kids say the funniest things

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My four-year-old daughter was so excited that I put bubbles in the bathtub she said, “I’m so happy I could just scream like a little girl!” Thank you for saying so rather than doing so.

Another time she asked my husband, “Dad, did Jesus make your hair very small?” She’d never seen him getting a hair cut, nor seemed to notice every time it was shorter, so it seemed a valid question.

My seven-year-old daughter was making mistakes with her math worksheet. She wasn’t paying attention to whether or not it was an addition or subtraction problem, as it kept changing on her. I said, “Pay attention to the symbol. The symbol is key.”

She responded in a flowy voice: Read the rest of this entry

Thank heaven for little…. “Girls!”

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I was not disappointed when I found out that my third child was yet another female. Hooray! Once again I dodged the bullet of being sprayed during diaper changes and of having to scrub the bathroom floor after the growing child’s every use!

There was more I thought I was avoiding: what my mother calls “juvenile boy humor,” a.k.a. fart and burp jokes. Yet, apparently, at least in this house, that sort of entertaining is genderless. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to admonish my children, “Stop talking about burps and gas! You’re not boys!” (My children have yet to learn the word “fart,” thank you very much.)

They just grin and run off, only to make the same scenario play out another day.

On one such occasion, after reprimanding them yet again, I turned to my husband and shook my head in exasperation. He smiled and said: Read the rest of this entry

So close…

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I’m trying my hand at novel writing. My oldest is eager to read my book. I’ve caught her a couple of times trying to read over my shoulder as I type, but I’ve told her she’s too young for it. At dinner she asked, “Can I just read the parts that I’m not too young for?” I said she can read it when it’s published. She’ll probably have children of her own by then, so it should be all good.

Then my seven-year-old said, “Maybe your book will be made into a movie.”

“That would be great!” I said, impressed that she was looking out for the success of her momma.

But then she added, Read the rest of this entry

The laundry gods are smiling upon me

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Perhaps they’re just pleased that I’m finally washing all those clothes.

Here’s my laundry method. There’s a reason I’m spelling it out for you. Wait for iiiiiiiittttt!

1. Procrastinate until laundry basket is full to overflowing.

2. Pick up scattered articles of clothing that have fallen off the laundry heap and shove them back in the basket.

3. Heft the load to the washing machine.

4. Open washing machine…speed up steps here because you, presumably already know how to do laundry, and if not, you probably shouldn’t really be learning from me.

5. After I pour in the detergent, I set aside some large article of clothing, or, as in today’s example, a baby blanket, and put the detergent cup upside down on said article to drain out more of the good stuff while I fill the washer.

6. Fill the washer.

7. Lift up-turned detergent cup so as to toss in last item.

8. If you’re lucky, you will find that the laundry gods are smiling upon you: Read the rest of this entry