Best kid quote of the day

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The girls are arguing over who gets to sit where in the bathtub. My oldest announced, “I always sit there for certain reasons that are needed in life!”

What?!

I couldn’t help but laugh, and she looked at me like, “What did I say?” Read the rest of this entry

And there was great rejoicing in the land!

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When one of the children loses a tooth, it is a very big deal. Not because they think, “Yea, I’m becoming a big girl!” or even “Cha-ching! Come on, Tooth Fairy!” But because it means a whole lot less whining going on around here.

Initially the loose tooth is an exciting topic of conversation, meriting daily, if not more frequent,  updates as in, “My tooth is a little wiggly!… I can move it back and forth!… Now I can move it left to right! See!” (open mouth shoved in face.) “Now I can touch the bottom of it with my tongue!…It’s hanging by a thread!”

You would think by the time we’ve reached that last level of development we’re sitting pretty, but no, that stage lasts about a week. These children will keep that tooth in there as though their lives depend on it. Why? Clearly they aren’t motivated by greed. They don’t worry they’ll have nothing to talk about once the tooth is gone. They’re not even concerned about diminished chewing quality when one tooth down. Nope. It’s the simple fear of pain.

Here’s where I go from being World’s Greatest Mom to, uh, something a little closer to the opposite extreme.

Let me explain. Read the rest of this entry

Today I did my part to save the world

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There was a bee on the window screen. Naturally, I wanted it to stay on the screen and to not fly around the house. Seeing it, my children would no doubt freak out and start climbing up the chimney to get away. So I did what any sensible woman would do in this situation: I quickly shut the window and went about my business. I figured I could just “wait the bee out.”

That only lasted a few seconds, actually. I took two steps and then looked back at it pitifully buzzing, silently now, and banging itself first against the screen, then the glass, and back again, over and over. “Poor thing!” I thought, though still unrepentant.

Then I remembered that bees have been in short supply in recent years. [Silent buzz. Bang. Bash. Buzz.] I stood there watching it.

Then I remembered how bees enable flowers to reproduce and fruit to grow. [More quiet, impotent buzzing. More frustrated banging.] Read the rest of this entry

Two signs of needing a change

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Sign number 1–Change needed: sheets

English: flat sheets Deutsch: Bettlaken

English: flat sheets Deutsch: Bettlaken. You just learned a little German there. You’re welcome! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I changed the sheets on our bed. Admittedly, these probably don’t get changed as often as they should. The proof? When my daughter walked into the room, saw the folded sheets ready to put on the bare bed and asked, Read the rest of this entry

Don’t stare at women’s shirts

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Undoubtedly you’re thinking this was an admonition I needed to give a child, particularly a male child. Shamefully, it was not. Instead it was a note to self.

We were at church, it was time for the sign of peace, I turned around to be neighborly to the people behind me, and found myself staring at a woman’s shirt while vaguely shaking her hand in my periphery and mumbling, “Peace be with you.” It wasn’t that she was super tall or overly large, and therefore I could see nothing but shirt, it was just that her shirt was such a lovely shade of blue in an appealing pattern that I couldn’t take my eyes off it.

Then I turned back around thinking nothing more of it. Suddenly I realized Read the rest of this entry