Children and their stuffed animals


I just witnessed my seven-year-old set her armload of stuffed animals down in the hallway before entering the bathroom. She said to them, “Wait right here for me.”

April 2015 010

This isn’t Ribbity, but his big sister Catherine. I guess you could say I’m feeding the frog addiction. I can never let her eat at a fancy French restaurant. It would be too traumatizing.

My ten-year-old wanted to restuff her frog, Ribbity. I told her, “Unless there’s a hole in him already, I’ll have to open him up.” She said, in a pained voice, “If you do, I don’t want to watch.”

I performed the operation in a separate room while she alternately sat and paced, biting her nails, in the “waiting room.”

At last Ribbity’s operation was complete: restuffed, restitched, and looking like he’d consumed a bottle of steroids. My daughter was teary-eyed with relief. Read the rest of this entry

When genius backfires


My friend Anita shared this:

Last week my youngest two children discovered a fly in the house. Pure terror! One screamed her head off as it landed on her head. Every time it flew by they screamed and cried. I quickly reassured them that he was friendly, his name is George and he is our new pet. Problem solved! Now they look for him, share their food with him and protect him from potential dangers (like Daddy’s swatting dish towel). Not looking forward to the day he disappears.”

So close….

I was surprised to find so many people posting on Facebook that Kate Middleton had a baby girl. Do we really care? Although one mom had a great take on the whole thing. Read the rest of this entry

Desperate times, desperate measures


I’d been wanting to cut my hair for a while. The words of an old college chum still haunt me when my hair gets to a certain length: “You have a long face, so when your hair is long, too, it draws your face out more and makes you look like a horse.” Sadly, it seems like my face has only gotten longer with age. So, when my hair gets long, too, I look in the mirror and frequently see Weird Al Yankovic staring back at me, only not being funny and entertaining.

So, the hair had to go. I took a shower one morning and, seeing my hair already damp and straight, decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. I grabbed the hair cutting scissors and was determined. But I hit a snag. Looking in the mirror and operating scissors, or just operating scissors when they’re turned back toward your head is harder than it looks in the movies. I was sure I’d end up cutting at a sharp angle by mistake. So, I called in my daughter. Read the rest of this entry

Funny or scary?


I rarely visit the PIF facebook page. I know my stuff goes there automatically, and I do nothing more with it. Admittedly, this is probably a bad thing. So today I decided to at least look at the page and was accosted by the large dark gray banner at the top, the one I’m supposed to cover up with a photo. Sigh. I guess I’d better finally do that, I thought.

So I scanned our most recent photos and came across ones from our trip to the Natural History Museum over spring break. The experience for a parent, I soon realized, was not so much about seeing the exhibits as it was keeping the kids corralled. It was all about them. They are so selfish.

It was difficult to impossible to keep them all together, so my husband and I were on zone defense, frequently making eye contact across the semi-crowded rooms and holding up either one or two fingers to indicate how many children we had within close proximity. So long as we both knew how to count to three, we were okay. Read the rest of this entry

Why my daughter is a weirdo

When she was upset and crying, (I forget about what. It was minor.) she tearfully asked, “Do we have any [sniff] tomatoes?”
Tomatoes? The kid wanted tomatoes to calm herself down! Not a hug from Mommy, not her teddy bear or blanket, not even a bar of chocolate or some ice cream like any normal female.
She wanted tomatoes.
My husband picked four tiny red ones from our plant outside. She was instantly consoled. I wish it were that easy for me.
Then, as if that weren’t weird enough, she put the tomatoes in her milk cup and drank/ate them. Like I said, weirdo. Of course, this is also the child who enjoys drinking grape juice and milk. In the same cup.

She also asserts frequently and with great confidence that the last day of this coming summer will be the best day of her life because then she gets to start Kindergarten the next day. Let’s see how long her enjoyment of school lasts, shall we?

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