Your best blog comments and other sordid tales.

Actually, I’m iffy on the sordid tales part, but we’ll see where this post takes me.

Ally Bean sometimes shares reader comments in her posts, which I think is a great idea. I’ve never done it, but Andrew’s comment on my wheelchair post deserves a wider audience. In his hilarious “Friday Wisdom” style, he wrote:

“My brother is a long time wheelchair user and I’m an outstanding wheelchair wrangler so here are a few tips for a better life with a wheelchair:

• Get the foot rests. You can point them straight out and use your chair to ram things, doors, chairs, children, etc.
• Carpet your walls – this hides the damage better.
• Furniture is for people who don’t have wheelchairs – remove the pieces you don’t need.
• Upgrade your baseboards to stainless steel, you won’t have to repaint as often.
• Never let your husband push you when he’s mad at you. You’ll end up having your feet smashed into a door frame and will have to start the healing process all over again.
• There are wheelchair races and other sports to consider – the martial arts version is just to learn how to use the foot rest as a weapon (it’s easier than you think and why I have a slight limp in my left leg).
• Try going backwards in the chair. Then you can use your good leg to kick yourself down a hallway at high speed and if you crash, it won’t be feet first. [Editor’s note: so wise!]
• You do need more stickers and perhaps a flag. One of those bike flags is nice, but do something custom with it – maybe a Jiu Jitsu flag or one of your belts.
• And finally, laundry with a wheelchair is a snap, just put the laundry basket on your lap, point you back towards the laundry room and start kicking with your good foot. After you crash, you, the laundry and your chair will be right next to the washing machine.

If you need other tips, call me, I’m here for you.”

Andrew IS here for me when I need a good laugh. Thanks, Andrew!

And then there’s Barb from Grandma’s Ramblings, who shared some real life experience:

“Your wheelchair reminds me of when I was going through chemo. My husband got a wheelchair so he could take me to the mall and I could see the Christmas decorations (just too weak from chemo to walk a great distance.) We were coming out of the mall and my husband was hanging on tight to the wheelchair as we had to go down a slight incline. A grandmother with her little grandson (probably 7 or 8) were approaching as we were going down. The little boy looked at my husband and said, “Let go of her.” His grandmother immediately tried to hush him, but my husband and I had a good laugh.”

Ah, kids. Such little stinkers!

Okay, I do have a couple of “sordid” tales for you. First, this very rude Wordle:

I know you’ve missed him.

Just like last time, the grocery store check-out line got long once I entered it, so Chex Mix Guy was called from what I assume is referred to as “the back” (even though it’s near the front of the store).

I watched him push through the doorway that separates the riffraff from the employee-only Cave of Wonders and scurry toward the check stands. When he looked up and saw me smiling, he hung his head and shook it.

“You’re always causing me trouble,” he said.

Here I had two options for how to respond. See if you can guess which I chose:

A. “I’m sorry. Just bad timing, I guess. I hope you weren’t in the middle of something important.”

or

B. Roll my index fingers around one another in a wide arc like a spinning hamster wheel and say, “Rapido! Rapido!”

The last time I was at this store, so were the cops. Apparently shortly before I arrived, someone couldn’t be bothered with the whole check-out process and simply walked out with a basket full of expensive liquor. CM Guy was off to the side speaking with the police. I guess not even cops warrant passage to the mystical magical “back.”

Mibryant of pixabay.com was kind enough to take this photo of my liquor cabinet to illustrate this blog post.

So on this visit, I, “Crazy Chex Mix Lady,” had my line all ready to go should I get the opportunity to speak with CM Guy.

“I saw the cops here last week,” I began.