Dear readers, I have no doubt that you are reading this blog, laughing, crying, and being reminded of crazy, embarrassing, or just down-right odd things that have happened in your own life. By all means, share below!

I do, of course, reserve the right to not post any stories I deem inappropriate. No hard feelings, I hope.

Also, you should know that if the occasion ever presents itself, I would happily turn this blog into a book. If you would rather not have your children see stories of themselves in print (without compensation to yourself), then you’d better not post anything here. Instead, just read, relax, and tell your friends.



70 responses »

  1. My boyfriend and I were invited over to my sister’s house for dinner one night in the first couple months or our relationship. All was going well and her four children were being very well-behaved. During our conversations, her oldest, 6 years old, decided to join in with, “Tante, I think you should marry Mr. Ryan.” Everyone laughed at the random comment while I turned a brighter shade than red. Fortunately, Mr. Ryan was not scared off by the comment and we are happily married today. (Kids notice more than you realize….)


    • reading this reminded me of a conversation I had with my then 3 year old. Anyone who spends any significant time with a toddler can appreciate the joy that a few minutes of privacy can bring. They are with you all the time not to mention the endless stream of questions and comments many of which are asked and often have answers that are obvious and not requiring a question at all. I had had one of those days with my son and proceeded to go to the bathroom and lock the door. I just wanted to tinkle in peace. Well I guess it is nice to have a little dream but no sooner had I sat down I hear the familiar ” mommy where are you” only to be followed buy the desperate attempt of my son to open the door. I was so frustrated I could not stand it so when my son asked “what you doing” I replied in a very sarcastic manner “i am cooking dinner” I got up, flushed, washed my hands and came out of the bathroom. There stood my son with a very confused look on his face. ask I was about to apologize for being a smart ass my son replied “mommy I don’t think I want to eat dinner tonight” It was priceless and makes me laugh even now 20 years later.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My daughter was helping me shop for a wedding present. The bride had registered at Kohl’s and I had a copy of her registry. I decided to buy a sheet set. When we got to the linen section, I handed the list to my daughter.
    “Just read off the first few letters of the merchandise number,” I told my daughter, “so I can find the right sheets.” I started down the sheet aisle. Behind me my daughter called out in a clear, loud voice, over and over, “F U, F U.”


  3. Betsy, I heard you’re working on a new book. Is it about parenting? Or pregnancy? I bet is will take months and months to finish.

    Best wishes,
    Annie L.


  4. I nanny two boys, ages 5 and 3 1/2. Daniel, the 5 year old, was bragging about his tree climbing skills to a friend of mine. He said, “yeah, I took tree climbing lessons a long time ago. It was so long ago I don’t even remember.”


  5. Recently my youngest grandson Nicholas (age 5) was at the football field with his three older brothers. One of the kids on his eldest brothers’ team (age 12) was yelling and teasing some other kid. Nick walked right up to the kid and said, “Hey you, why are you being such a jerk?” (You can tell by his language that he has older brothers:]) Then, he said, “So you, kid, don’t you know about Mary and her son Jesus? I just love young discipleship, don’t you?

    I just found your blog and I’m loving the stories. I have 5 (mostly grown) children and 6 grandchildren under age 12, with lots more to come I have a feeling and God willing. I’ll check in often. Blessings, Tia


  6. Hi Betsy,
    Thank you for visiting my site. I wish I had a smidgen of your humor, but alas. Fortunately, as you so clearly point out, as do your readers, our KIDS encourage us to see the funny side of life. So one of my very grown up kids was telling me about a rather loud fender-bender, with cars badly damaged and people worried about necks and backs. As the drivers waited for the police to arrive, a passerby “old guy” honked and yelled,”Get those cars out of the road, they’re slowing traffic!” My daughter replied, “You need a hobby.” While this may not be a side-splitter, it does show that our kids, of any age, can put perspective on almost any situation. Thanks for this site–I will highly recommend it. All the best, Barb


  7. You are the recipient of The Sunshine Award. Thanks for your wonderful postings, and for being such a faithful follower.


  8. My brother, 5, after a long week of time-outs as punishment for swearing, looked at my mother and said, “But Mom. I just don’t understand WHY God would name his son a bad word.”

    -McKenzie, mother of one in my arms and one in my belly. Sister to the one and only Caleb G.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hi Betsy
    This woman who can’t even use the tv remote is getting so smart on the computer :o) I figured out how to make your gravatar bigger, so now your widget on my sidebar is even more visible!


  10. I just caught my seven-year-old daughter, Kendra, squirting caramel sauce from the bottle directly into her mouth. She guiltily put it back in the fridge as I scolded her, “I better never see you do that again, young lady!”

    Just then, my five-year-old son walked in the kitchen. He quickly assessed the situation, then shrugged and looked at his sister and said, “She said she better not SEE you do that again. That means you can do it somewhere else, just not where she can see you.”

    If he weren’t so funny, he would sure make me mad!


  11. Being a older parent has its benefits and it’ drawbacks. One of the benefits is I can base life experiences when dealing with my son. The drawback of being a older parent is just being older to your child.

    My three year old son has been on a dinosaur kick lately. He likes to sit in the living room and play with various dinosaurs. Sometimes, while our children are playing, they have questions that you can only laugh out loud about. Xander paused with a dinosaur in his hand and turned to my wife….

    Xander: Momma, dada a dinosaur?

    Melissa: (just couldn’t stop laughing)

    One point for Xander for having the foresight not to ask his dada this question, zero points dada for realizing I will always be a dinosaur in my son’s eyes.


  12. Mother of 3 & Grandparent of 1:

    I have been reading a couple of your post and think your blog is wonderful! Although my youngest one is now 22 years and will be graduating into the career of Heating, Ventilation & A/C today, there are some many memories for them. As for my grandson, many ‘out of the mouth of babes’ moments with him!


  13. My grandson when he was around 3 when drinks orange juice.. his penis burns when he would go pee. One morning he was sitting in the bathtub. He said Grandma my penis is burning again. I told him he needs to drink more water to wash the orange juice out. He sat there for a while then looked at me with this concern look and said: But Grandma my penis can’t drink water.


  14. When we had our first child, my mom, a new grandma, would come over and babysit every so often. One day, i came back after taking an hour to myself and the baby was crying and my mother was beside herself. “He wouldn’t take the paci! I kept putting it in, he kept spitting it out!”
    That was strange, i thought, Tyler LOVED his paci. “Watch!” she says and shoves it in his mouth, only to have him howl and let it drop. I pick it up, and smile.
    “Uh mom, you need to take the plastic cover off.”


  15. Getting dressed yesterday to go to picnic, wandering around my room in bra and undies when 4 year-old says “mommy how come when you walk your tushy goes side to side”. I said, “what?” and he goes “you know ….side to side..side to side.”
    I’m a little appalled but just said, “Its cuz i’m a mommy.”
    I start walking away to go to the bathroom to put on deodorant when i hear him muttering (while feeling his eyes boring into my back) “side to side, side to side……..did you see yourself mommy???”
    It aint easy. πŸ˜‰


  16. After a long, busy day, I was getting ready to shower my smelly 8-year-old, who is prone to sweating easily, just like his dad. I pointed an accusing finger at my husband, blaming his son’s sweat and smell on him (and his genes). To which my son piped up:

    “No, it’s YOUR fault! YOU gave birth to me!”

    I tried to clarify: “Yes, but you inherited those sweaty genes from Daddy, so that’s HIS fault!”

    His retort?

    “Well, I wouldn’t have gotten those sweaty genes if you hadn’t MARRIED him, so it’s STILL your fault!”

    Can’t win!


  17. Stories from a Sunday School teacher –
    1) One of our youngest girls found a play doctor’s kit, and started to give me “shots” with the play syringe. The other kids soon joined in and I was being repeatedly beaten with plastic syringes. Finally, one of our boys throws his hands in the air and cries “Stop! In the name of Love!” the other kids immediately stopped and he came up to me and put his arm around me, saying “I am very sorry for the inconvenience”

    2) A regular of ours, Jeremiah, is a very outspoken young boy. The other day, at “circle time” we were learning about David and Goliath. He raises his hand and proceeds to tell us how David was superman and Goliath was his mom. When we asked him why his mom was Goliath, he says; in a serious voice “She’s fat and hairy and she’s been alive for a kajillion years!” We had to turn away to contain our laughter.

    3) Another of our girls, Marissa, was reading the letters on our animal carpet. (A for alligator, B for bear, ect.) We had gotten all the way to M, with her saying “M for monkey!” she pauses, and then says excitedly “M for Marissa!” then she looks at me, the biggest grin on her face “M for MEE!!!”

    4) We have a stuffed penguin, and two of our kids were fighting over it. One of the other students quickly runs to break up the fight “Stop it!” she exclaimed. She took the penguin in her own hands, and ran to the counter, grabbing a handful of pens. She threw them in the air and exclaimed “Pen guns for everyone!”


  18. Kerry, mom of 4

    On a particular evening (like many), while I was trying to move along my son’s bedtime routine, I told him to hurry up and brush his teeth. Fascinated with his toothpaste he refused to put the tube down to brush, and three year old hands can’t NOT squeeze toothpaste tubes while brushing teeth simultaneously. I told him, “Mommy said put your toothpaste down.” No deal. He said he wants it. “Please put your toothpaste down.” Still no releasing of the tube. “Mommy said ‘No’ to holding the toothpaste.”

    His very serious, final response: “But Simon says Yes.”
    (And no, my son’s name isn’t Simon.)


  19. I have two girls and two boys and plenty of funny stories. When I was pregnant with my second daughter, my son Jordan was about five years old and took a glimpse of me vomiting in the toilet, he must have remembered I had told him that mommy had a baby in her tummy, and very concerned told me to be careful not to vomit the baby, needless to say my nausea went away and laughter took over.
    This very same baby that was in my belly must have inherited the humor gene, because when she was 7, years old and acting bratty I told her though she was being a brat to her sister. later I went to check on her and we hugged and she asked me to never call her a RAT ever again! she had totally misunderstood me, we both laughter so much, i finally explained that i had said brat, she didn’t even know what brat meant, the whole time she though i had called her a rat, haha.


  20. I was in the supermarket doing some food shopping. I turned my back for a second while i picked up a cooked chicken. When i turned around my 4 year old was stroking a fresh fish on the counter. When asked ‘why were you stroking the fish’ she replied ‘I wanted to see if it was real’. ‘Was it real?’ I asked, ‘no’ she answered. ‘I think it was’ I said. ‘No is wasnt, because I poked it in the eye and it didnt say ouch’


  21. My youngest is evidence of “babies-pay-attention-to-what-they-hear-in-the-womb”. The day after he was born, his brothers came to visit. Now, people had been walking in and out of that room more times than I care to count, with no noticeable reaction. The minute his brothers entered, quietly talking to each other as the door opened (they weren’t being loud and rambunctious, this was an important EVENT, for heaven’s sake) his little head whupped around and he was instantly attentive. He was locked on them when they got close enough for his little newborn eyes to see. He clearly knew their voices. Sweetest thing ever.
    Pia, mom of Sam, Tom, John; Sam is now Bro. Peter John– entered the Dominican Novitiate in August! (Sam 22, Tom 20, John 16)


  22. Potty Training
    Was.. and I repeat…was waking my 3.5 yr old son up during the night for potty training. During the day he wasn’t drinking much so while waking him up I encouraged him to have a sip of water. He held up a firm clenched fist, forced it in front of my face and said, ” I’ll have this many sips papa!” then he rolled over pulling the covers with him. I guess I’ll wait till he’s four.


  23. Just a couple of days ago my nine year old girl was sitting in bed with me, while we browsed through some websites she pointed at my desktop: ” mom who are those people in the picture?” I explained they were my great-grandparents. She asked why the picture was black and white. I told her that back in the days everything was black and white, to which she replied ” but the sky was still blue right?” I laughed so hard I had belly pains, she then said, realizing she had been silly ” well mom, I know you meant technology, but I just wanted to make sure it was just technology and not everything else ” clearly her innocence had surfaced and she laughed with me realizing she was too funny. I love when she does things like this, its refreshing.


  24. Forgot to add, this very same week my 12 y/o dd stepped on my electronic scale as I had taken it out from under the bed I was sweeping, she told me how much she weighted, then my 12 y/o dd stepped on it, she asked me if her weight was too much or ok, and I said its great! then I decided to step on it myself too, well, she looked over my side and when the numbers showed up she quickly blurted out WOAH mom!!! to which we all well laughing, then I explained to her that My number were that high because I was older than her and obviously would be more pounds.


  25. Grandchildren are such a joy! But they grow up way too fast!

    I keep a journal writing down the funny things they say and do so I will never forget them. The journal is growing rapidly since the birth of my youngest granddaughter, Zoe.

    Say “Yes” or say “No”

    Taking Zoe for a walk along the Mississippi River, Zoe recognized that we were very close to the John Deere Pavilion. She loves to go there and climb and “drive” all the tractors on display. She asked me if we could go there after our walk. I told her to ask her Papa, so she did. He told her he would have to think about it. After taking another three to four steps, she looked up at him and in a very serious voice she told him, “Say yes or say no.”

    My feet stink!

    She loves to take a bath when she comes to our house (it really is just play time with all her bath toys). Recently when I told her there would be no bath today, she informed me, “I need a bath. My feet stink.” Then, to make sure I realized how much she needed the bath, she stuck her little feet up to my face and said, “Smell them!”

    We are amazing!

    While playing with me one day at our house, her mother called to see how things were going. I told her, “Your mother wants to know how you are.” She, without hesitation, said, “I’m amazing!” Then she smiled at me and said, “You’re amazing too!” So there you have it folks – from a little child’s mouth – I’m amazing!


  26. Last night we finished watching the Quite Man with John Wayne.
    Learn about the quiet man here

    6 Yr old Son: Papa, that movie is going to give me nightmares.
    Papa: What part?
    6 Yr old Son: What’s a nightmare?
    Papa: bad dreams that scare you.
    6 Yr old Son: Never mind… I’ll be okay.


  27. Pingback: Nightmares of John Wayne | parentingisfunny

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