For reasons unknown to me, family members enjoy offering Baby Joseph food and laughing at his complete disinterest in this strange multi-colored stuff we’re putting in our mouths.
My youngest daughter said to him in her high-pitched little voice, “You want chips and salsa, Joe? You want some beer?” (Please note that she was consuming neither.)
But the goofiness doesn’t end there. My oldest spilled dry Rice Krispies on the floor. Did she sweep them up right away? No. She brought out Read the rest of this entry
Step 1. Get water ready.
Step 2. Change and throw away poopy diaper.
Step 3. Return from depositing poopy diaper in diaper pail five feet away only to discover baby has pooped again ALREADY!
Step 4. Repeat steps 2-4, as needed.
Step 5. Remove baby’s clothing and carry to bathroom.
Step 6. Remove diaper, praying there’s no more poop in it. (If not, continue to step 7. If so, repeat steps 2–4, as needed.)
Step 7. Gently slide baby into bath water and begin bathing.
Step 8. Try not to show irritation as second youngest child enters room to “help.” Read the rest of this entry
My neighbor recently told me the story of when her husband was a boy, he saw his dad waxing his Porsche. Ever the helpful one, he decided to pitch in, only he didn’t grab a soft pad to wax with, he grabbed Read the rest of this entry
When she was upset and crying, (I forget about what. It was minor.) she tearfully asked, “Do we have any [sniff] tomatoes?”
Tomatoes? The kid wanted tomatoes to calm herself down! Not a hug from Mommy, not her teddy bear or blanket, not even a bar of chocolate or some ice cream like any normal female.
She wanted tomatoes.
My husband picked four tiny red ones from our plant outside. She was instantly consoled. I wish it were that easy for me.
Then, as if that weren’t weird enough, she put the tomatoes in her milk cup and drank/ate them. Like I said, weirdo. Of course, this is also the child who enjoys drinking grape juice and milk. In the same cup.
She also asserts frequently and with great confidence that the last day of this coming summer will be the best day of her life because then she gets to start Kindergarten the next day. Let’s see how long her enjoyment of school lasts, shall we?
Read the rest of this entry
“MOMMY! Paul won’t give me the big sticker!”
“Well, John, why don’t you suggest a solution? Maybe find out why he’s saving the big sticker, or maybe see if there’s another sticker he *would* give you, or maybe trade two of your little stickers for his big sticker. Could you try to work something out?”
…PAUL!!! MOMMY SAYS YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME THE BIG STICKER!”
-from one of my favorite FB friends (Names have been changed.)
When one of the children loses a tooth, it is a very big deal. Not because they think, “Yea, I’m becoming a big girl!” or even “Cha-ching! Come on, Tooth Fairy!” But because it means a whole lot less whining going on around here.
Initially the loose tooth is an exciting topic of conversation, meriting daily, if not more frequent, updates as in, “My tooth is a little wiggly!… I can move it back and forth!… Now I can move it left to right! See!” (open mouth shoved in face.) “Now I can touch the bottom of it with my tongue!…It’s hanging by a thread!”
You would think by the time we’ve reached that last level of development we’re sitting pretty, but no, that stage lasts about a week. These children will keep that tooth in there as though their lives depend on it. Why? Clearly they aren’t motivated by greed. They don’t worry they’ll have nothing to talk about once the tooth is gone. They’re not even concerned about diminished chewing quality when one tooth down. Nope. It’s the simple fear of pain.
Here’s where I go from being World’s Greatest Mom to, uh, something a little closer to the opposite extreme.
Let me explain. Read the rest of this entry
At dinner one evening my sister noticed a small white glob adhered to her eight-year-old son’s cheek. She couldn’t understand how he got toothpaste on his face at dinner time.
“Wash that toothpaste off your face,” she told him.
“It’s not toothpaste,” he insisted.
“Then what the heck is it?” she asked. Read the rest of this entry
In October we visited a pumpkin patch that smartly offered a pumpkin coloring sheet. If you colored it and brought it back, you got a discount on admission. Mistaking this sales gimmick as a bona fide coloring contest, my eight-year-old colored a Read the rest of this entry
If you are still reading, then you can’t say I didn’t warn you. (Forgive me that there will be no pictures to illustrate this post.)
Ever since our youngest started using the potty many moons ago, her bowels have become a family affair. The older sisters love to see her creations, often assigning a shape and/or name. “Look, it’s an ‘L’!” Or “a snake!” Or “a G!” Once it was even called the great euphemism of “moonlight.” Your guess is as good as mine on that one.
But this one really took the … Well, you’ll see. Read the rest of this entry
Special thanks to contributor Lena for these stories!
Injections are one of many ways to administer psychiatric medication. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) That’s the actual caption that came with the picture!
1) One girl found a play doctor’s kit and started to give me “shots” with the play syringe. The other kids soon joined in, and I was being repeatedly beaten with plastic syringes. Finally, one of our boys threw his hands in the air and cried “Stop! In the name of Love!” The other kids immediately stopped. Then he came over to me and put his arm around me, saying, “I am very sorry for the inconvenience.” Read the rest of this entry