Negotiating like a Voss

I’m a big fan of the book, Never Split the Difference, by former FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss. I geared up to put his principles into practice: I was going to ask Sensei to let me catch up to my girls in Tae Kwon Do, despite my four-month absence and his seemingly strict testing rules.

Asking him to deviate from a system he’s been using for two decades for my sake was a big ask.

I planned my approach. I would start with a “no” question a la Voss, ie: “Would it be impossible for me to get caught up to my girls?”

The idea is, with that wording, he’d likely say, “No,” which is what I wanted.

Never Split the Difference, by negotiation-master Chris Voss

I had four points, Sensei’s possible counter-points, and my counter to those counters all ready to go, practicing them in my head for several days in advance.

When the night in question came, I prepped my girls to go directly to the van after class, so I could talk to Sensei alone.

My nerves ran high as Sensei and I meandered to the parking lot. I listened patiently as he talked about his parkour gym, finding people to video his jumps so he could analyze his technique, taking videos for others for the same reason, the open gym policy, the hours, the classes, exactly where the gym was located, that it might be near that one rock climbing gym…

Finally, he wound himself down. My heart pounding, I steadied and readied myself for the attack.

“So,” I began. “Do you think it would be possible for me to catch up with my girls?”

Darn it! That was not the “No” answer question I had so carefully prepped!

He responded immediately.

“Yeah, I think so.”

…

But, but, but… My points and counter-points! My careful planning!

“I can see you’ve been putting the work in.”

And I had. Though I’ll next be testing the blue belt form to earn my brown belt, I had also secretly taught myself the brown belt form, largely to impress him and help my cause.

That slick maneuver came into play during the previous class. He had suggested I practice my blue form while he worked on brown with the girls.

“Oooorrr… I could do brown form too,” I said.

“Well, that’s not what you’ll be testing for. You should be sure you’re solid on what you need to know for the next test.”

“Fair enough,” I conceded, heart sinking to my stomach.

“But if you want to do brown with us,” he shrugged into letting me attempt it.

That’s when I showed him.

It wasn’t perfect. As this was my first time doing the form with him, there were some subtle details I hadn’t discovered on my own. Still, I knew it better than my girls. (One of my arguments was: being on the same form as my girls, I could more easily help them with it.)

And then…

At the final move, left hand high, right hand low, Sensei had it backwards. Since he was facing me, he saw my hand placement.

“Oh, that’s right,” he said, and moved his hands to match mine.

Can you hear my internal evil laughter?

Now back to the parking lot:

“You know the brown belt form almost completely if not completely by now,” he said.

Oh, you bet I know it completely by now.

Then he worked out that I could test during the first half of the next session, at a non-testing time, then be ready to test for red belt at the same time as my girls.

VICTORY!

In my opinion, the best Chris Voss advice on negotiation is to establish a rapport with the person. Be kind. Be friendly. It’s so much harder to deny a request from someone who listens to your [seemingly endless] stories and takes your [definitely endless] sarcastic jabs in stride.

And if Sensei happens to read this post: You know I’m [mostly] joking! But also, you did have your hand placement wrong.

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