You never know, so just, be cool.


I was running late to meet a friend at her house so we could drive together to some event. Her neighborhood has several speed bumps, and I had the misfortune of being behind someone who was taking each bump at 1 mph. I’ve never claimed to be patient. I will claim to always be cutting it fine when it comes to being somewhere on time. So this added slow-down was extra frustrating.

The car in front of me, probably sensing my irritation, (I suppose I was following too closely) eventually pulled over so I could drive past. I shot a glance at the driver, a dude in his 30s or 40s.

from Rodrigo on Pexels

I told my friend about it, when I eventually made it to her house. “Wasn’t that so weird and annoying?” I asked her.

“He was probably delivering a cake,” she said.

Just like that, my indignation was brought up short. “You think?”

“My mom made and delivered cakes. Sometimes I’d go with her and she always had to be extra cautious over speed bumps.”

And so what a jerk I was, being irritated by some guy who gave me a look as I passed that basically said, “Could you just ease up already?”

Maybe he wasn’t delivering a cake, (then again, maybe he was) but regardless, he undoubtedly had good reason for driving so slowly. Maybe a sick kid in the back?

My friend’s statement made me realize how much easier it is to understand people’s actions, and forgive them, when you’ve been in their position too.

But even if you don’t “get it” from your own personal experience, it’s always best to be patient and kind. You never know what people are dealing with.

I mentioned earlier that I’ve gone back to teaching the self-defense class for kids. My co-teacher could put off starting the class no longer. Afterward he texted:

Then he asked what the deal was, why it was taking so long to be fully back on both feet. I explained how it took extra long to be taken seriously and seen by a doctor, likely because I wasn’t complaining enough about the pain.

Live and learn.

My hydroponic plant looking sad, shedding a leaf.

I also started a free self-defense class at the school for moms. We had one class so far, and only six women came. There were others who expressed interest but couldn’t make it.

Given a new home and thriving.

Small classes are fine with me, but it will be interesting to see if attendance grows due to word of mouth. The women who came seemed to really get into it and enjoy themselves.

Check out those roots!

Maybe I’ll never get back to my regular Jiu-Jitsu classes, where I was a student. I hope to, if for no other reason than to get Sensei back in there with me so I can show him what for! But even if not, at least that journey led me to something I’m truly passionate about: teaching women to be a force to be reckoned with should anyone foolishly try to attack them. ๐Ÿ™‚

Growing a new shoot.

How do you handle speed bumps, actual or metaphorical, or people ahead of you going suuuuuuuper slowly over them? Would you want to join my class? How do you like my plant now? ๐Ÿ™‚


63 responses »

  1. Itโ€™s always good to be reminded from time to time, to try to be patient when we forget to consider there might be a reason for what is happening. We are all guilty of this and anyone who says this never happens is either more highly evolved than most of us or isnโ€™t totally truthful. Sociology that you started the momsโ€™ class!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. After caring for my aged parents and then breaking a hip that required first a walker, then a cane, I learned to be much more patient (not always, but mostly). Also, when stuck in traffic on the freeway (which I was, btw, last night, through O’side), I have to laugh at those impatient drivers who are constantly changing lanes. Not only is it dangerous, I often eventually pass them by staying in the same lane and just going with the flow.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I was laughing as I read this because if I were the car in front of you, I would have given you the stink eye. ๐Ÿ™‚ We have a string of speed bumps in our neighborhood due to the golfers racing to make their tee time. I can’t stand when people tailgate as I approach each bump for the same reason as John! That said, once I learned it was you driving, I would give you a pass.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Well, you are a force to be reckoned with and I can’t picture you with a chihuahua in your purse. In fact, I’m not I can picture you with a purse. A dagger, sword, nunchucks, throwing stars – more likely. I will say that I could possibly see you with a cat in a purse, but only if the purse had sharp spikes on all sides.

    you know, the guy could have had soup and not a cake in the car. Trust me here, but you drive very carefully if you have soup on the front seat of your car. Still, if he had soup, I think he should have put his hazard lights on with a sign in the back window saying, “Warning, this vehicle contains soup.”

    and just so you know, when I see someone walking around in a moon boot I’ll often ask, “So what does the other guy look like?” You should create an answer for that. Sometimes I’ll say to the moon booted, “You know, when we said to go kick butt, that was a figure of speech to encourage you – we didn’t mean to go kick someone’s actual butt.”

    I’ll have more comforting and inspiring words for you later.

    Oh and good work on keeping the plant alive (sometimes they just shed leaves for no reason).

    Liked by 3 people

    • โ€œWarning, this vehicle contains soup.โ€ Haha! But driving with hazard lights on when you have to be particularly careful is a great idea to alert others to some special circumstance. I wish he had done that. I would’ve had a better attitude in that case. Well, given the circumstance, I probably would’ve been irritated he didn’t pull over and let me pass sooner. I’ve already admitted to not being patient. And I hate being late places. I should work on that

      A cat in a purse is an intriguing idea, but would a cat allow it? Maybe it would ride on my shoulder and be black with a silver lightning streak in its fur that came naturally. ๐Ÿ˜›

      Thanks on the plant!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Wow, there were a lot of off-shoots in this post. ๐Ÿ™‚ I love your visualization of what the slow driver could have been dealing with. It’s such a powerful thing – cos I don’t like to slow down either.

    Which makes it triply endearing that you are starting your self-defense classes again. You are amazing for letting speed bumps slow you down – but not STOP you!! ๐Ÿ™‚ โค

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Huh–lots of people may be delivering cakes these days, it seems (LOL). When I was first learning to drive, someone told me to always drive like I was delivering a fresh, hot pizza, and I didn’t want it to fall off the passenger seat. (I’ve forgotten that advice by now.)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Iโ€™m not a very patient driver . . . I tend to believe people driving poorly are on their phones, not delivering cakes! I love your plant. Iโ€™ve never had a hydroponic one, besides my basil growing in my kitchen window.

    Your class? Well, I wouldnโ€™t say it would be something Iโ€™m normally interested in, but I recently did an online kickboxing video and it was more fun than I thought. So, I wonโ€™t rule out anything!

    Liked by 1 person

    • On their phones is quite likely in most circumstances. The slowly down for speed bumps, that much, was probably something else, so I probably can’t just blame the driver for being dumb. :/

      Kickboxing sounds intense and fun. Go you, Bijoux!


  8. Betsy, it is always fun to read your blogs ๐Ÿ˜„ I am not a very patient person either, but donโ€™t remember any special scenario of bump. When I was in college, one of my friends, an international student, put a big sign on the back of her car, โ€œStudent Driverโ€. It should equal to delivery of cakes๐Ÿ˜„

    Liked by 2 people

    • Lol, if nothing else, thereโ€™s no way people would tailgate a student driver!

      But the cake comment stopped me in my tracks (pun and all), it changed how annoyed I was at someone slowing you down like that (I was extremely annoyed on your behalf!) to โ€ฆ oh, ok, I guess that makes sense. Wow. How a few words can change things around?

      And still, I wonder, isnโ€™t it basic human courtesy to let someone pass, especially if youโ€™re carrying a wedding cake and canโ€™t go faster than 1mph? Or at the very least hand out a brownie (I get that a slice out of the cake would not workโ€ฆ)?

      And so how is your recovery going? It seems faster than I thought (Iโ€™m sure slower than you hope for), you must be part Chuck Norris to recover so quickly? But wait, we donโ€™t know if he recovers quickly, because heโ€™s never been hurt ๐Ÿ˜

      Liked by 2 people

      • So true on the student driver. And, yes, looking at things from a different perspective definitely changes how one feels about the situation. It’s that whole, putting yourself in other people’s shoes bit, I suppose.

        I agree he could’ve pulled over sooner.

        And handed me a brownie. What a jerk! ๐Ÿ˜‰

        I’m only in the boot now when I attend TKD class, for safety. Otherwise, I wear a shoe and still walk a little weird. The foot is a little tender, but it’s definitely improving. Considering the injury happened Sept 29, this does not feel “quick” to me. I only WISH I were more Chuck Norris-like! (Like all my fellow humans who aren’t Chuck Norris himself.)


  9. Plants never cease to amaze me. So glad to see that yours is happy in its new home ๐Ÿ™‚ If I were much younger and didn’t have back and knee issues, I would love to join your class. I like to think that overly cautious drivers must have a just cause for driving us insane ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    • I wish I could remember how long I’ve had this plant on my desk. It’s been months since my daughter put it here when it had flowers. Maybe it will even flower again. It’s amazing! And, yes, I need to give drivers the benefit of the doubt and hope they’re not just being dumb like looking at their phone.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. When I’m following a slow driver, Betsy, I think to myself: “This driver is saving my life, because if he wasn’t driving so damn slowly, I’d be zipping along and probably taken out by a logging truck.” Works every time. I love that you’re happy empowering women. You go, woman!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I think your class sounds really cool, Betsy. I bet it grows!

    As for slow drivers, I never ride bumpers. I might silently fume for a moment, but it quickly passes. I do make a conscious effort to put myself in other people’s shoes (or in this case, cars) in most circumstances I find aggravating. It really does help!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes. That seems to be something I need to be reminded of frequently–to put myself in other people’s shoes/cars (particularly if it’s a nicer car until they say, “Hey! What are you doing here? Get out!”). Another commenter said she imagines the slow driver is saving her from being hit by a logging truck, which I love!!

      And thanks for thinking the class sounds cool. I was encouraged by how into it the women were. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Tara and I have different driving philosophies. She fully embraces road rage, while I am content to let things go. Case in point: just yesterday, somebody was riding my tail in the fast lane. We were on a two-lane highway, I was going 5 mph over the speed limit, and there were cars to my right that prevented me from immediately getting over. The driver behind me then accelerated past me and flipped me the bird.

    “Poor thing,” I calmly said to Tara. “She must be having a bad day.”

    That should give you a clue over how I handle speed bumps, both metaphorical and real ones.

    Just don’t get me started on traffic circles…


  13. I have to admit that I’m a pretty impatient driver, especially when it’s after work and I JUST! WANT! TO! GET! HOME! See? Just thinking about unreasonably slow drivers makes me write in all caps. ๐Ÿ˜‰ That’s when engaging podcasts really help. I get absorbed and then I don’t even notice slowdowns. ๐Ÿ™‚


  14. Being patient is just so darned hard. Love your line though: “But even if you donโ€™t โ€œget itโ€ from your own personal experience, itโ€™s always best to be patient and kind. You never know what people are dealing with.” Your last sentence is what keeps my trying though, because you’re so right, you never know what others have going on in their lives. Thanks for sharing. Good luck with your self-defense class. A big need for that too!

    Liked by 2 people

  15. I admit I do sometimes get impatient when behind someone like speed-bump cake-delivery person, but I really try to be patient. It also helps that I habitually try to be early to any appointments or meetings; I can then remind myself that I did leave some cushion for arrival, so no hurry. And love what you said: You never know what people are dealing with. So true, and not just for driving extra carefully. Then again, when something happens like what Mark described, most of the time it’s people in big pickup trucks or SUVs, and I drive a Prius, so I’m like “yeah, but I get waaay better gas mileage that you do!” But I also wonder if they’re on their way to the hospital because a loved one is sick, or was in an accident, or they’re expecting a baby.

    Or maybe they’re just impatient and rude. I still get better gas mileage ๐Ÿ˜€

    The plant looks great! Reminds me of the ivy cutting (you know the one, that you can’t kill and that we always call a ‘philodendron’ when it’s not really that, but saying ‘devils ivy’ just sounds bad) I started a few years ago. I’ve got two plants now, and it’s out of control even in a north-facing window ๐Ÿ™‚

    And nope, can’t envision you with a chihuahua in a purse. Or a purse. I can picture you with a cat in a clear backpack, tho’ (my son and his girlfriend have a clear plastic “bubble” backpack that Nyx absolutely LOVES. She’s sat in the bubble to hint that she wants to go for a walk outside ๐Ÿ™‚ )

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nyx is adorable.
      Hubby said he can’t picture me with a purse either. ๐Ÿ˜›
      Yes, on all your scenarios about the driver. I like to think it must be something serious like that.
      Hilarious about the gas mileage. It’s true, but you make it sound funny. ๐Ÿ™‚
      Good on you with leaving early. I really need to work on that!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  16. How do you handle speed bumps, actual or metaphorical, or people ahead of you going suuuuuuuper slowly over them? Usually I just *sigh* loudly about what is inconveniencing me– and wait it out.

    Would you want to join my class? Not a mom, but yes

    How do you like my plant now? I like your plant now, regardless of how or if it continues to root. It’s trying.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Guilty as charged with my presumptions, Betsy. More often than not I get an after-the-fact explanation about why or how something happened, and I go, “Oh, uh… I didn’t consider that”. Slow drivers are a great example. The next one I encounter is going to get a little more leeway from me. Patience is a virtue.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I would so definitely join your class! Your passion and dedication would be reason enough – plus you are just so much fun!

    How is you foot feeling, really? I am very glad you are back doing what you have been itching to do!


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