The first rule of Fight Club…

I’ve mentioned that I teach middle and high school girls self defense after school once a week. My Partner in Crime (PiC) teaches the boys. We’ve been doing this in a classroom, pushing the desks and chairs off the to side, and laying mats on the floor. The teacher of that room often comes in, carefully skirting the mats (we have a strict no shoes on the mat rule) to get something from his desk.

It’s also the classroom where teacher meetings are usually held. One afternoon the principal got on the intercom to announce a teacher meeting. Just before he could say which room to meet in, this particular teacher rushed into the principal’s office and said, “Not the 8th grade! They’re doing Fight Club in there!”

I was so glad someone witnessed this and told me about it later.

Before weather was less permissive, we stretched the mats out on the grass in the courtyard. Frequently teachers, sometimes parents, would walk by, staring. It undoubtedly looked weird. I’d wave to them from the ground as I had their child or student locked up in Punch Box Stage 1, for instance.

“Nothing to see here. Just teaching your sweet girl how to hurt people.” (Didn’t actually say that. But it was implied.)

Recently a girl showed up late so one of my students got her up to speed. “Come here. Let me show you. First you do this, this, then this, this,” etc.

I stood there watching, hands clasped to my chest, fighting back tears (just kidding), but I was so very very proud.

~~~

Because I brought Neighbor to class, Instructor offered me a free t-shirt with the Gracie Jiu-Jitsu logo and the name of our local gym. He didn’t have an adult small, so he offered me a child’s large.

The child’s large was too big for me.

I relayed this story to PiC. He said, “You need to eat more.”

Ya think?

So he prescribed me this “diet:”

I shared the t-shirt story with another friend and told him of PiC’s prescribed milkshake routine to bulk up. He said, “Well, yeah,” and pointed at my arm.

So I punched him in his biceps.

He rubbed it. “That was a good hit.”

Because he knows I do Jiu-Jitsu, I told him, “That was my Taekwondo training. And if it bruises, I want to see it.”

I texted this story to my sensei because I realized afterward that I had proper form without having to think about it. I thought he’d be proud. Instead:

I also told him about my other friend and the milkshake diet. He responded:

It’s great that both my martial arts instructors are funny.

So I’ve been trying to eat more and drink my milkshakes, which are quite yummy. Too bad they are meant to be in addition to other meals, but they usually wind up being the meal.

Then, of course, because nothing can go my way for long, this happened:

The little black teeth that enable the blender blades to move broke off. Because of course they did. Now the blender doesn’t work, but I’ve ordered a replacement part. It’s back ordered. Because of course it is. Also, doesn’t this picture remind you of Oreos? Mmmm… Oreos…

In other news, my only recent injuries were a couple of rug, I mean mat, burns on my feet. I covered them with band-aids so I could put socks on without irritating the raw skin more.

Aren’t I just a delicate flower?

I never showed you guys this one.

My bruised, scraped raw shoulder.

Months ago, before settling on Instructor’s place, I had tried out another. First thing I thought when I walked in was, “These mats are hard.” I didn’t discover that both shoulders and an elbow were bruised and rubbed raw until later. But I had already decided not to go with this place because they didn’t have beginner’s classes during the day.

How’s that working out for me?

So I’ve been scripting my own workout routine, but it’s rather haphazard and irregular. In other words, I don’t know what I’m doing. Any of you a super workout buff? Want to tell me what to do? I can tell you one thing, though: doing bicycle crunches with five-pound weights strapped to each ankle is no joke. I feel like I should get slapped by Bernie Sanders because I:

Cover of a blank notebook on Amazon, ‘case anyone is interested.

But for reals, anyone want to suggest a workout routine and then yell at me if I don’t follow it? I could use an outside force to keep me motivated.

Happy Sunday, everyone! I’ve been posting a ridiculous amount lately. Thanks for staying with me. Now I need to catch up on what’s happening on your blogs!

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