What next, you ask? Let me tell ya.

“So we’ve done the ‘rona, the broken toe, and the falling on a baseball bat. How should we mess with Betsy now?”

“First of all, we don’t know for sure she broke her toe. It still looks all right, and she could always bend it.”

“Sure, but it hurt when she did, and being able to bend it doesn’t mean it didn’t break. At least, according to the internet.”

“Whatever. You know she’d never go to the doctor for her pinky toe anyway.”

“True. But, ‘Falling on a baseball bat’? Dramatic much?”

“We’re THE UNIVERSE! We invented drama!”

“Still, she was flipped over onto a girl’s bony forearm. Not exactly the same thing as a bat.”

“Hurt like it did, though.”

“True dat!” Earth-shaking chuckle. Metaphysical fist bump.

“So back to the problem at hand. We’ve been doing an excellent job of keeping Betsy away from Jiu-Jitsu. But if we’re not careful, she’ll defy us and keep going back anyway.”

“You’re right. We need to do something that will make it so she can’t go back, no matter what.”

“Okay, okay. I like where you’re going with this.” Rubs hands together. Several stars explode.

“I got it! Are you ready for this?”

“Uh-huh. Lay it on me.” Nods eagerly. An asteroid is thrown off course and crashes into a planet.

“I’m thinking… the common cold…”

“… I’m sorry. The what now?”

“The cold. You know. Ah-choo.”

“Dude, you just destroyed a solar system with that sneeze.”

“Eh, I’ll make another. So, what do you think?”

“Gotta be honest. Feels a little like you’re phoning this one in.”

“Think about it. She has a kid in preschool, right?”

“Yeah. So?”

“He’s been bringing home cold germs every day since August. It’s perfect. She’d never suspect our involvement.”

“I don’t know? The sniffles? Seems a little on the nose.”

“But it’s so elegant in its simplic– Oh, wait. I see you smiling. You were being punny. I’m with you now.” Nods.

“Let’s fist bump on this new plan.”

“Yeah, just like her instructor always gives her.”

“Not any time soon, though!”

Extended laughter. Earthquakes rumble and volcanoes explode on planets light years away.

I guess it could be worse:

Maybe I shouldn’t tempt the universe. 😦