What next, you ask? Let me tell ya.

Standard

“So we’ve done the ‘rona, the broken toe, and the falling on a baseball bat. How should we mess with Betsy now?”

“First of all, we don’t know for sure she broke her toe. It still looks all right, and she could always bend it.”

“Sure, but it hurt when she did, and being able to bend it doesn’t mean it didn’t break. At least, according to the internet.”

“Whatever. You know she’d never go to the doctor for her pinky toe anyway.”

“True. But, ‘Falling on a baseball bat’? Dramatic much?”

“We’re THE UNIVERSE! We invented drama!”

“Still, she was flipped over onto a girl’s bony forearm. Not exactly the same thing as a bat.”

“Hurt like it did, though.”

“True dat!” Earth-shaking chuckle. Metaphysical fist bump.

“So back to the problem at hand. We’ve been doing an excellent job of keeping Betsy away from Jiu-Jitsu. But if we’re not careful, she’ll defy us and keep going back anyway.”

“You’re right. We need to do something that will make it so she can’t go back, no matter what.”

“Okay, okay. I like where you’re going with this.” Rubs hands together. Several stars explode.

“I got it! Are you ready for this?”

“Uh-huh. Lay it on me.” Nods eagerly. An asteroid is thrown off course and crashes into a planet.

“I’m thinking… the common cold…”

“… I’m sorry. The what now?”

“The cold. You know. Ah-choo.”

“Dude, you just destroyed a solar system with that sneeze.”

“Eh, I’ll make another. So, what do you think?”

“Gotta be honest. Feels a little like you’re phoning this one in.”

“Think about it. She has a kid in preschool, right?”

“Yeah. So?”

“He’s been bringing home cold germs every day since August. It’s perfect. She’d never suspect our involvement.”

“I don’t know? The sniffles? Seems a little on the nose.”

“But it’s so elegant in its simplic– Oh, wait. I see you smiling. You were being punny. I’m with you now.” Nods.

“Let’s fist bump on this new plan.”

“Yeah, just like her instructor always gives her.”

“Not any time soon, though!”

Extended laughter. Earthquakes rumble and volcanoes explode on planets light years away.

I guess it could be worse:

Maybe I shouldn’t tempt the universe. 😦

66 responses »

  1. You’re doing really well at this, “Blogging about my latest health crisis.” It’s an endless source of blog post subjects and normally takes up about half our time in our Men’s Bible study group.

    We meet over zoom. We’ve thought about meeting in person but what with, knee issues, hip replacements and cataract surgeries few of us have been able to drive.

    Maybe you could switch to an on-line Jiu-Jitsu class … mmmm no, maybe not – that could crash the whole world internet.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so sorry about the cold! Funny, we just recovered from Covid and now have a cold too. Argh! But I’m grateful that we at least 1000+ miles away and so we can’t be among the culprits of who gave it to you.

    Nice job, as always, of handling it with humor, Betsy! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Joe has not been sick far fewer days than he’s BEEN sick, so it’s really a wonder I haven’t been sick more often. He often coughs or sneezes on me as I’m kneeling in front of him to change his clothes. :/

      I’m glad my travails are entertaining, at least! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I couldn’t agree more about the solidarity – again without wishing it upon you. But it is a little funny not to be able to gather momentum in the first couple months of this year! I think that means we’ll be traveling at warp speed by the end of the year!

        And yes, it’s so impossible to avoid all the things our lovely kids share with us. I’m laughing about Joe sneezing on you. Argh!! Hee, hee, hee!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’m frankly amazed I haven’t been sick more often considering how he is pretty much always sick. I guess sometimes it’s just more severe than others. His oldest sister has his cold now too. :/

        I’m definitely liking your idea of us being at warp speed by the end of the year. Here’s hoping! To us! [Clinking glasses–though mine is Emergen-C juice drink, not champagne. I’ll just keep that bottle chilled until… November, maybe. 🙂 ]

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Well, back in PC (Pre Covid, not Politically Correct) days, you could go places with a cold and nobody would give you a glance. Heaven forbid you sneeze or cough in public now!

    Hope you feel better soon and get back to kicking butt!

    Liked by 1 person

    • So true about PC and a cold being nothing to sneeze at. Once when I invited a friend out, she responded, “I can’t. I have a cold. I’m afraid I might be shot for sneezing.” I love her. And since Jiu-Jitsu keeps you in close quarters with others, totally rude of me to go to class with it. :/

      Like

  4. I can’t decide to chuckle or wince in empathy … in humour, as you do best, Betsy!
    But really, I feel for you … I would be so bummed right now. Hope you are all better now, and are able to concentrate on healing all those bruised (NOT BROKEN!!! hopefully) bits of yourself. Busted toes are the pits … broken or not, there really isn’t a while lot one can do …. just waiting waiting waiting. Sigh.

    Sending you a BIG BIG hug, and lots of positive energy.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. And this is why aging parents hide 2000 miles away….very funny over the internet, though. I do admire your athletic chops. You get it from me, of course.. I took a couple of Tai chi classes back in the day.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Besty, the common cold is too boring of a reason. You need to tell folks you are having a nasal malady. Here is a good excuse to use that actually happened to a colleague at work. She called in to say she was going to the Urgent Care clinic. Her heat had gone out, so she was using her oven to warm the kitchen while she changed. She left the oven door down. When she answered the phone, she forgot the door was down and tripped over the door and sprained her wrist. Please feel free to borrow that one without going through it. Keith

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow. That was elaborate! I assume it’s true, with that much detail. But maybe it was all that detail that makes it seem LESS true. Hmmm…
      A friend told me that when she was in high school, a friend skipped school. The principal called the house. The girl answered. When asked why she wasn’t in school, she said she had diarrhea. It wasn’t true, but she didn’t need to say more because no one would ask for more details on that!

      Like

  7. I, for one, prefer the non-snotty noses during martial arts. Why? Let me tell you…. 🙂 This is a VERY TRUE story. My daughter and I were in TKD. In TKD we did grappling, on the floor wrestling/self-defense/strategic moves etc. One day, while practicing at home with other students who had come over…. A young man was grappling with one of the others. He sneezed. A VERY LARGE projective SNOT ROCKET flew out of his nose. Disgusting? Yes. Yes. Yes. But the BEST part? He shot his hand out and CAUGHT IT. Which was ALSO disgusting. But. I was pretty impressed with the speed of his move. Seemed very ninja-y. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Peach. Breaking a bone would mean that something went very wrong. Being dropped on my head and having an earring nearly pulled out were nothing. Things are getting more intense lately, but hopefully it won’t come to broken bones!
      Being in my gi does make me happy. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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