My body hurts

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My body hurts

“Adrian Brody” and I were the only Jiu Jitsu students one day, so we were partners by default. The dude barely touched me. Either I said something about not needing to take it so easy, or Instructor did, or both.

Adrian said, “I don’t want to hurt [infinitesimal pause] anyone.”

Clearly, “anyone” meant me. He wasn’t in danger of hurting the instructor. Reminder: Instructor is my size, though a smidge taller and with bigger biceps. At my first class, I was distracted by the realization that a man could have legs as skinny as mine.

Adrian is skinnier still.

So, Adrian was taking it easy on me, when maybe it should’ve been the other way around. *I* don’t hold back, however, because I’m a girl.

Wanna know who else doesn’t hold back? The teenage girl I naturally paired with during a rare evening class.

She. Trounced. Me.

Are you reading this, MOM?! That’s right–the men are nice to me. The female beat me up! [My mother gives me a hard time in the comments about training with men.]

Seriously, this girl may have bruised a rib. Or I pulled a muscle trying to get away from her. She’s not even a big girl, by any means, but this chic knows her stuff. I want to be like her when I grow… well, never mind.

The last portion of class was a “practice what you know”/ free for all. She was twisting me this and way that before I knew WHAT was happening. She ended with trapping my arm painfully out from my side.

“Whoa. What was that move?” I asked her.

“The Americana.”

“Isn’t that a type of coffee?” was my first thought, which I wisely kept to myself.

I’m mostly healed from her onslaught now, btw. Mostly.

In more recent classes, which fortunately do not include Rockstar Teenage Girl, I’ve been paired with “Timmy.” I’ll call him that because it’s close to his real name, and I’m using it ironically, like Tiny Tim because this guy is huge. Not fat, thankfully, but somewhere beyond 6’3″. When Instructor demos with Timmy, I can barely see Instructor underneath those tree-length arms and legs.

I needed to hook my foot around Timmy’s knee, but had a hard time finding it since it was five miles away. But training with Timmy is good experience if I’m ever in a street fight with AndrΓ© the Giant.*

Westley took him down with a rear naked choke, so maybe I could too.

Last Thing: I was running late to class when I was stopped at a green light behind a driver who wasn’t paying attention. I honked. (It was warranted.) He looked up, saw the green, and looked back down to finish his text, or whatever, before he moved.

I yelled, “Come on, man! I’ve got a$s to kick!”

Just kidding. I wrote that for the blogger who commented on an earlier post, “Just take the earrings out and go kick some ass!” πŸ™‚

When I stopped by the library after class, a white-haired woman gestured to my gi top and said, “This is nice. It looks like it’s for something.”

“Jiu Jitsu,” I told her.

“Well, it’s pretty.”

Yep. Pretty. ‘Cuz that’s the look I’m going for. ;P

Have a great day, friends. Thanks for reading!

*And yes, I know AndrΓ© the Giant is deceased.

86 responses »

  1. More fine moments with Betsey the Brawler. Oh, wait a minute. Jiu-Jitsu is more refined. Sorry. More fine moments with Betsey the athlete. There that’s better. Those people at green lights just kill me. After all, they are holding me in a time lock. It would be like a headlock but using time as a weapon. You had every right to drop kick his drive side window. Enjoyed this. Thanks.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. woah, you go and don’t back down! i admire you for your strength and the way you wrote about the characters you train with is hilarious. good training because now you’ll be ready for any shape or size who comes your way

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I thought “Jiu Jitsu” was Japanese for “my body hurts all over now.”

    well my Japanese might be a little rusty (or non nonexistent) as I haven’t studied it since the third grade.

    and you know, when I was a security guard I had a young rockstar lady like that as a partner. I’d tell people, “do what I say or I’ll tell Amy that it’s okay to beat you up.” Sadly, everyone looked at her and complied. Never got to see her beat anyone up … sigh …

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m not sure what the solution is for women and martial arts. I guess we should be competitive, but that power thing. My daughter as a teen was a rockstar in Shaolin Kempo, but got sick of getting so close and personal with the men when she became a black belt. She finally quit. You don’t sound like that’s an issue.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Evening. I once read a bit about Andre The Giant. He was pretty superhuman. He could out-eat and out-drink just about anybody. And of course he was ridiculously strong. I think I read that he was a nice guy too. See ya. Have fun in your next jiu jitsu class.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is scary stuff for me. I’ll just sit back with my Americana and read some comfort fiction. Carry on with your bad self! Nice top, BTW…….πŸ€“

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Just a tip. When you get to pick your sparring/training partner ALWAYS pick the one who is “better” (more experienced) than you. You don’t learn from the “easy” ones. (Unless of course, you are the more experienced one that someone picks because they want to learn.). Those body aches are signs you are learning! So excited to read this!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, CM! I’m glad you appreciate hearing about my training even though it’s in a different discipline. I just don’t have much entertaining stuff happen in my TKD class. And you’re right, of course, about picking experienced partners. I have already found that to be true on the rare occasion I’m partnered with someone who knows even less than I do. I just feel a little bit guilty that the higher belt winds up training me rather than getting serious practice him or herself. Ah well. With any luck, that will be me some day, and I will be happy to help someone else out. Just hope these others have that attitude too.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Higher belts working with ‘younger’ belts, it’s always part of the training. They remember where that newer/younger belt is. They respect that process. And if they are higher belts they will have other trainings going on as well. We always had a mixed class that higher belts attended so they could participate in helping those not as advanced, learn. That’s one of the beautiful things of martial arts. A very advanced student working with a brand new student, is good for both students.

        I do so enjoy reading these. I’ve had some (very minimal) training in Jiu Jitsu. I probably would have gone for that more if I had had a class anywhere nearby. At the time, it was only TKD so that’s what we fell in love with.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I hope these guys have that attitude of remembering what it’s like and willingness to help. For the most part, they seem to. At my latest class, there was a guy whom, if I were to write about, would be not so much Indifferent Man as Annoyed that You’re Here Man. But that was only one class. Even Indifferent Man warmed up to me. (And I haven’t seen him for a while. Wonder how he is. Hard to befriend these characters when the cast keeps changing.)

        I’m glad you enjoy reading these. I’ve been thinking about doing a write-up about my last TKD belt test. I only mentioned it to you briefly. And I sometimes wonder what my TKD instructor would think if he knew I was doing JJ also. Would he be offended? We’ve become friends, so recently I told my girls on our way to class, don’t mention to Mr. _ that I’m also doing Jiu Jitsu. I don’t want his feelings to be hurt. No slip ups yet. If he somehow discovers my blog, I’m toast! πŸ˜›

        Like

      • Hahahahaha! You are not toast. Any instructor should be happy a student is doing what they can to learn about themselves. I once had a young girl student who approached me crying after class one day. I asked her what was wrong. She said she wanted to play basketball so she had to stop coming to class. I asked her why she was crying if that was what she wanted to do. She didn’t want to hurt my feelings! I was soooo very touched. But, I assured her, that she was very brave for looking into all of the things that interested her. I told her, what if you were to be the next greatest basketball star but you never knew because you didn’t try it when you wanted to. I will never forget her smile. I hope, and suspect, your instructor may be happy you are exploring what interests you. And consider it cross training. πŸ™‚ One discipline helps the other.

        Liked by 1 person

      • That is such a sweet, thoughtful comment, CM. Thank you for that. And what a wonderful experience for that girl to be so kind and concerned for you, but also to have you to tell her just the right thing to make her feel better and to be happy even. You are so wise, CM. Thank you for sharing that wisdom with me also.

        Like

  8. Betsy, too funny. I am sorry your sore and the younger female showed no mercy. We loved Andre the Giant in a “The Princess Bride.” When he said he wanted to give Elwes a sporting chance it was laugh out loud funny. So, keep training and you will be ready for the ROES in the Fire Swamp. Keith

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I love Jacqui’s comment that her daughter didn’t like getting so close and personal with men, but that didn’t seem to be an issue with you! I believe, thank you very much, that you inherited that from me.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I know of AndrΓ© the Giant of course, but I did eat my breakfast at an airport McDonald’s with The Big Show sitting at the next table over. That’s probably as close as I’ll ever come to wrestling of any sort. But you carry on!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Did you bury the lead here? I don’t think I even knew you had a new book out but then click off this post to check it out and then had to find my way back here. Congratulations!

    Love the “it’s pretty comment” hilarious! As is the whole post! What great training for kicking a$s that hopefully you, or the teenage girl will never really need to do.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Oh! Well in that case, thank you!!!! Wynne! Seriously! Thanks so much for buying my book! I’m honored and flattered and hope you enjoy it. It’s a Catholic publisher, so it has a Catholic vein in one or two chapters, but I’m pretty sure most of those principles are fairly universal. It should be good for a laugh or two, regardless. πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

    • Wait. Is there a link to my book in here somewhere? I think those are off on the side when you’re on a desktop. I sort of forget about those. The last one came out in 2019, so, “new” is relative.

      Yes, that old lady was a riot. I’m not sure she had a clue was Jiu Jitsu is. She didn’t react to that at all. Maybe she didn’t understand me. Either way, great moment. πŸ˜›

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Pingback: The Giant Sticky Bun – Touring My Backyard

  13. And, this is why I’m going to try an improv class, instead of a martial arts class–I can’t stand pain, and I know the teens in a martial arts class would have fun putting me through the paces–and then, sometimes, in some classes, there is weapons training, which would be fun to learn, but I don’t need to be hit over the head with a Bo staff–at least not right now in my life. But then again, I’ve never taken an improv class–there may be some accidental wrestling? I hope not!

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Besty, you’re one brave lady! πŸ˜€ The teenage girl sounds scary and I’m laughing out loud at your interior monologue of :

    β€œIsn’t that a type of coffee?” was my first thought, which I wisely kept to myself.

    Your encounter with Timmy also has me in stitches! My son is about 6’4” and he can easily hold me at a distance as I flail around trying to play punch him / trip him up! Yep, can definitely empathise with the legs being about 5 miles away!

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Pingback: I took down Andre the Giant | parentingisfunny

  16. I think I’m going to have to rewatch The Princess Bride πŸ™‚ LOL! Move it cuz I’ve got ass to kick! Love it! And so love your descriptions (Rockstar Teenage Girl, Adrian Brody (I had to look him up to remind me), Tiny tim with knees 5 miles away πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ ). Maybe RTG will teach you a few things — wait, teenage girl? Nah. You’re better off with Adrian πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Pingback: Watching the sunrise through the Jiu-Jitsu window | parentingisfunny

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