Oct6

I know you’ve missed him.

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Just like last time, the grocery store check-out line got long once I entered it, so Chex Mix Guy was called from what I assume is referred to as “the back” (even though it’s near the front of the store).

I watched him push through the doorway that separates the riffraff from the employee-only Cave of Wonders and scurry toward the check stands. When he looked up and saw me smiling, he hung his head and shook it.

“You’re always causing me trouble,” he said.

Here I had two options for how to respond. See if you can guess which I chose:

A. “I’m sorry. Just bad timing, I guess. I hope you weren’t in the middle of something important.”

or

B. Roll my index fingers around one another in a wide arc like a spinning hamster wheel and say, “Rapido! Rapido!”

The last time I was at this store, so were the cops. Apparently shortly before I arrived, someone couldn’t be bothered with the whole check-out process and simply walked out with a basket full of expensive liquor. CM Guy was off to the side speaking with the police. I guess not even cops warrant passage to the mystical magical “back.”

liquor-2687103_960_720

Mibryant of pixabay.com was kind enough to take this photo of my liquor cabinet to illustrate this blog post.

So on this visit, I, “Crazy Chex Mix Lady,” had my line all ready to go should I get the opportunity to speak with CM Guy.

“I saw the cops here last week,” I began.

He nodded and started talking about it, I assume. Sometimes CM Guy’s voice just disappears, but based on the expression and general tone, I gathered the gist of his words. Nonetheless, I had to interrupt him quickly, lest I lose the opportunity to dazzle him with my wit.

“You’re ruining my set-up,” I say.

“Oh sorry. Go ahead,” he graciously tells me.

“I was going to say, at least now we know I’m not the craziest person who comes in here.”

He merely nods and launches into something about all the nutters who frequent the store. Again, I think.

Either way, makes me wonder if I should continue shopping there. But if I didn’t, how would I entertain you with these stories?

Have any of you ever witnessed a robbery? The writer in me wishes I’d been there just for the experience. The human in me thinks, “Scary!” Which way would you lean?

P.S. Option A never even crossed my mind.

 

 

49 responses »

  3. Uh, forget chex mix. I’m intriqued by the picture of your liquor cabinet. Expecting company for Christmas? If so, it’s not enough: we’ve heard stories of the children.

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  4. Actually, I have witnessed a robbery. In my youth I was a security guard (before I became a computer genius) at a grocery store – wasn’t the good side of town. One night I was near the front of the store when I saw a guy at the checkout stand take his bag of groceries and run for the front door. Note, he had not paid. The manager yelled at me to chase him. Note, my orders were not to chase, but rather observe the direction the bad people go and call the police. Well, I ran outside, saw bad guy turn left and I yelled, “Stop!” Where upon, said bad guy dropped the bag and run into some bushes.

    Then I took out my radio, called dispatch and stood over the bag of groceries to “Preserve the crime scene” and waited for the police.

    The officer who arrived asked me the standard questions and after my description said, “Oh, that will be Rudy. Winter is starting soon and he wants to be arrested to spend the winter indoors.” Sure enough the officer walked into the bushes and came out with Rudy in handcuffs.

    After I identified him as the grocery thief, I heard Rudy mumble, “Thanks man.”

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  7. LOL! And Chex Mix wasn’t even on sale?? He was probably in “the back” drawing straws to see who got to ring up the crazy CM lady 😀 😀

    Love these CM stories, Betsy. Almost as good (not quite) as the kitty ones 😀 😀

    SKOL Vikings! (for Paul 😀 )

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    • Right. If kids are with me, no thank you to any excitement, please. The only excitement I could handle for them is if Elsa showed up (from Frozen), but if she robbed the place, that would be traumatic for them.
      Haha–but oh so funny for me!

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  9. I figured it was option B. Not really any question about that. I saw a young woman steal a beer stein from a bar. Does that count as robbery? It wasn’t very exciting until the bar owner confronted the wrong woman and the thief (her girlfriend) got away. 🙂

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    • Well, it’s something.
      Oh, wait a minute. I ALMOST saw a robbery of sorts. I was in Italy and a man dumped the majority of the contents of a handbag in the trash. I was certain he had just stolen it. It was shocking and gross to me.
      You knew it was option B, huh? I can be such a brat. 🙂

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  11. I can remember seeing only one theft from a third party. It was at a sidewalk flea market where a woman looked at me and said something nonchalant to me while she pocketed a vial of perfume right in front of me. I didn’t say a thing.

    However, I’ve been robbed myself. On the subway, know how they say not to get onto an empty car? Well, a crowd doesn’t do any good when it turns out that crowd was there to rob you. This bunch were just gabbing loudly on both sides of me where I’d sat down with them several stops previously, and across from me, and then as the doors were about to close, one on one side fingered one of my pockets, so I turned toward him, whereupon the big guy sitting across from me came across and bear-hugged me, while the one on the right picked my pocket and another held the door as they escaped with my cash.

    Another time was in another city’s subway system, Chicago’s, where as I walked thru the tunnel to connect from the station on one line to another, I was accosted by someone who came up to only about here to me and had what I’m practically certain was just his finger in his jacket pocket as he cut off my path, but I didn’t want to take that chance when he asked for my money.

    However, I also foiled a burglary of my landlord’s when I was awakened by the sound of breaking glass and went down the alley to investigate. When the motion-detector light went on in response to me, the burglar must have taken off. My landlord’s family had gone on a brief vacation, but their too-obvious security measure of locking the gate behind the car in the driveway gave away their absence. So their car was safe, but the house was not — save for me.

    Our old house was burglarized while we were on vacation. Previously I’d had a bicycle stolen from the garage there. Daddy had his car bumper stolen after it was brought back from having some body work. I had my own car’s battery stolen 4 times in 2 states (same car). Another car’s window was smashed and another time its trunk lock was broken in unsuccessful theft attempts, which cost me more than leaving them unlocked would have. (The window smash was another case of too-obvious security, my hood and ignition lock having broken and a steering wheel bar temporarily put in its place.) Another apartment of mine was broken into and some real valuables stolen, including a good microscope, by whom I’m pretty sure was a not-such-good-friend across the hall who’d cased the joint by insisting on demonstrating to me some institutional-grade cleaner on my toilet once.

    Now I live out in the country with nothing worth stealing, including the car, and leave my and its doors unlocked. The first week or so after moving in, we locked the doors, but then decided it wasn’t worth the trouble. However, we still get ourselves locked in when our paranoid friend visits.

    Meanwhile I’ve stolen a CPAP device by moving it with me to another state and not bothering to return it. Technically the insurer owns it. But no benefit to me, as I’ve stopped using it.

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  13. You should continue shopping there. Most theft doesnt involve violence or threat and is more annoying than anything else. I’m sure it affects his bonus. The other annoyances are a hot topic of gossip; however, issues of that nature being more publicised doesn’t neccessarily mean that the the frequency and/or intensity is more than other places. I’m sure CM guy does what he can to run them off and keep people safe. Besides you just found out he’s literate

    Liked by 1 person

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    • No. Friggin’. Way! A celebrity in our midst! I finally wrote something that enticed you to comment. And you know I’m not about to stop shopping there. I provide you with exercise, and you provide my readers and me our weekly entertainment.

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  14. Kind of. I had a teenager point a shotgun at me as he was running by in the woods and tell me to move or he’d shoot.

    “Go ahead!” I said, laughing. Thinking his gun was a fake.

    Two minutes later a cop came rushing down the path. Warned me about the kid. I’m standing there gaping at him going, “You mean the gun was real?!”

    True story! Oh, the ignorance of youth.

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  19. Of course it’s option b! Once I was shopping and putting items in my bag (i bring my own) and many times don’t use a cart if i need a few items. An other cutomer started tailing me and glaring at me. I first smiled, she seemed perturbed and shouted at me. she accused me of stealing and i replied, it’s not stolen if i pay for them. and then i retorted with something to the effect of her stealing resources from Mother Earth for not bringing her own bags. again she looked at me aghast.

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