Step 1. Get water ready.
Step 2. Change and throw away poopy diaper.
Step 3. Return from depositing poopy diaper in diaper pail five feet away only to discover baby has pooped again ALREADY!
Step 4. Repeat steps 2-4, as needed.
Step 5. Remove baby’s clothing and carry to bathroom.
Step 6. Remove diaper, praying there’s no more poop in it. (If not, continue to step 7. If so, repeat steps 2–4, as needed.)
Step 7. Gently slide baby into bath water and begin bathing.
Step 8. Try not to show irritation as second youngest child enters room to “help.”
Step 9. Listen to girl child prattle on about strange boy parts and ask how he pees.
Step 10. Calmly explain that he pees like a fountain, for lack of a better explanation.
Step 11. Jump and yell as boy demonstrates what you’re explaining, as you’re explaining it!
Step 12. Drain water.
Step 13. Repeat step 1 and subsequent steps, as needed.
Step 14. Quickly and hastily wash that baby!
Step 15. Wrap baby in towel and carry back to bedroom.
Step 16. See second oldest daughter enter room out of the corner of your eye while you’re trying to put on the fifth diaper of the last 5 minutes.
Step 17. Listen to youngest daughter explain to Big Sister how Baby Brother peed in the tub like a fountain.
Step 18. Jump and yell as, at the same time, baby demonstrates, yet freaking again, how he pees like a fountain, as if that word magically makes it happen.
Step 19. Catch what you can in diaper number 6, all the while knowing you’re just too darn late to avoid the damage being done.
Step 20. Consider repeating steps 1, etc. but instead say, “Screw it,” grab a handful of wipes and give your naked baby a wet wipe bath (including the face, oh yes, the face) while thinking you maybe should’ve just done it this way to begin with.
Step 21. Successfully apply (thank God!) the 7th diaper of the past five-minutes.
Step 22. Pull up edges of changing pad cover to be sure you don’t forget to wash it too.
Step 23. Ooh and ahh at how cute baby looks with the changing pad cover curled up around his face.
Step 24. Smile as youngest daughter runs to retrieve camera to take picture of cute baby brother.
Step 25. Think to self, “This would make a decent blog post.”
So that’s more like 78 steps and two step 20s. Here’s hoping the next bath is a bit more routine.
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Here’s hoping that this WASN’T the routine! 😉
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Oh. My. Gawd. Way Freaking hilarious! Brings back memories. One of the first pieces of advice my mom gave me when my son was born was “change him quick.” Yep. Learned fast–it only took once 😀 Just wait until he’s bigger, eating solid food, and manages to fill the diaper beyond its rated capacity. I don’t know how many times we had to give him multiple baths–only because he managed to get his entire back (not just butt) covered in poop. 😮
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Awh, yes. I remember the poop up the back with my daughters. Such fun things that will all come back to haunt, err, bless me!
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Haha that is too funny! I’m currently expecting my little man in December, but I think I’m more ready for this than my darling fiance is 😀
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Best of you luck to you both!
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Well if this isn’t the truth, I don’t know what is!
PS, what a cute little man!
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Teehee. Thanks. 🙂
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OH MY GOSH HE IS GORGEOUSLY ADORABLE!!!!! (and doing a good job of providing fodder for the mommy blog!)
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That’s what I had him for, clearly. 😉
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A fine reason. 😉
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That made me laugh out loud!! Thanks for that!
With my two boys I always kept a pile of small face cloths in a basket on the change table. As soon as the diaper came off, the cloth went on (just covered that area right up!). Game changer.
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He does it so rarely that I don’t expect it. But I jump and yell every time because it’s so quick and sudden!
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Oh my goodness, you poor dear!! 😂
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Having a blog helps–there’s an outlet for the insanity! 🙂
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This is a solid tip (speaking from experience)
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Those days are so far removed from my life now, but your funny post instantly takes me back. Thanks for the smiles. And what a cutie he is!
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🙂 Thanks, and you’re welcome.
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So funny! I remember those days . . . oddly, I remember them fondly now. Maybe not so much in the moment. And I have to add that that is the most adorable pic of your baby wrapped up in his changing pad cover. . . it kind of makes it all worth it, doesn’t it?
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The pic definitely helped. At the time I was kind of like, “Why I am pulling off the cover while he’s still on it?” But it immediately wrapped around him, and I was in love! 🙂 🙂
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HE IS ADORABLE!
Also, the play by play is hilarious. I had a similar experience only it was my sister and brother in the room with me rather than older children and it wasn’t pee that shot across the room like a fountain …
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Oh. No! Haha. Gross!
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Yep, I don’t think you missed anything. And I don’t miss this process. I’ll bookmark this for re-reading when I’m a gramma,
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Excellent. I’m here to help. 🙂
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LOL. Perfect blog post material!
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Glad you approve! 🙂
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Haaaaa! Awesome! And he’s SO cute xxxxx
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Thank you, Dianne. Where have you been lately? I haven’t missed a new post have I?
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No, just very busy. I’ll be back soon 😉
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Okay. I hope it’s happy busy. I’m honored that you stopped by despite that! 🙂
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Awww, what a cutie. So adorable and funny and relatable. I’m glad you’re recording these memories for posterity. 🙂
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Thank you, Peach! 😉
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While writing my advice on how to tell when it’s about to spout, I was imagining your girls shrieking in unison with laughter as you took a direct hit.
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Fortunately, I did not take a direct hit!
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Funny! Really made me laugh. Those days are long gone but I know would have to hold back from swearing. Good for you for taking it well.
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That’s the great thing about having a blog. If you can make people laugh through your experience, that makes it all worth it.
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It made a good post and portrayed the good, loving family the baby boy has joined. And you have a good eye. He looks adorable framed by the changing pad cover.
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Thanks, AB! You have my youngest daughter to thank for the photo. 🙂
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I see u haven’t lost your sense of humor!😉
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Hopefully it will get better with age. Or insanity. Whichever comes first. 😛
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😊
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Reblogged this on Baby Help Tips and commented:
If you are a new mother or father and would like to bath your newborn, here are the steps.
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Haha. Because my advice is a true help. Heehee. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
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He knows he has an audience
and has to put on a show!
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Ugh. If only it was a show of smiles and giggles instead! 🙂
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Awww cutie! My daughter has had multiple baths this week due to poonamis of epic proportions!! Apparently swimming makes babies poo, who knew?! Haha
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Poonamis–awesomeness! 🙂 And yeah, who knew? Not I.
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With our first boy we measured how far he peed over his head and out the bedroom door (7′ 6″. He’s 34 now so we haven’t measured for some time). With the second boy in 18 months we didn’t measure. We threatened him with the dog pound and started drinking early in the day. Usually dawn.
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Haha! And OMG. 7’6″! Yikes!
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He was on his back on the changing table. I always argued it gave him more lift. LOL
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It’s an impressive feat for sure!
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It’s the tumescence that gives it that upward angle when they’re on their back. It happens fairly promptly with their need to micturate, which is why you should stand back when you see it! As they grow, it happens that way less often, but still sometimes, as I explained to my parents when I got urine on the underside of the open toilet lid.
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Um, yikes.
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Haha! That was hilarious and I recollect the diaper days with my children not very long ago 🙂
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That it gave you a laugh. 🙂
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It sure did😂
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