I’ve never claimed to be a good cook

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Usually my husband makes the tuna melts. In fact, if I’ve started on my own, he’ll take the spatula from my hand with a smile, and a “I’ve got this, hon.”

But one night he was working late, so I got to make them myself. I didn’t get what the big deal was. The buttered bread slices were happily sizzling while I loaded up the cheese and the tuna mixed with mayo. (I skimped on the pickles, but no one seemed to notice.)

tuna-melt-013

Doesn’t this look delicious? And absolutely nothing like mine. (Image from peanutbutterandpeppers.com.)

Then it was time to flip them.

They wouldn’t flip. In fact, they wouldn’t budge without a fight. I made some headway turning the spatula upside down and scraping at an angle. Still, part of the bread just tore away and remained fixed to the pan, leaving the sandwich open and oozing cheese from a gaping wound.

Since there was a semi-permanent bread coating on the bottom of the pan, the other side wasn’t able to crisp up properly.

Or at all.

When I served the children their half crisp, half soggy, torn and battered sandwiches, my oldest looked at her plate and said,

“Well, this will be an adventure.”

I bow to my husband’s expertise. Maybe next time I should just wait for him.

What about you, readers? Is there anything that you’ve cooked that seemed like it should be easy but was surprisingly difficult? Like rice or toast? It’s okay. We’re all friends here.

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61 responses »

  1. Ever try to flip a whole quesadilla? That’s an exercise in luck πŸ™‚ My kids love quesadillas, and they’re easy–a couple flour torts, some cheese, and some meat, usually ham or chicken. Far be it from me to load enough cheese on the damn thing to make a Frisbee out of it (c’mon, cheese is expensive πŸ˜‰ ) And the meat has to be cut into pieces, of course. The tort covers the bottom of the skillet, then the cheese, then meat, then maybe some more cheese, then the other tort. Wait until the bottom is golden (burnt means starting over 😦 ), then slide the spatula underneath, hang onto the top, and flip!

    Yeah. Right. As meat pieces go flipping across the stove. So, yep, I get it πŸ˜€

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    • That does sound terrible. And if it were up to me, there’d be nothing left inside the tort. Would it be easier to cook two half-torts, where you fold them over? Less to flip and try to keep on the spatula/in the tort?

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  2. crispy on both sides is highly overrated. Adventures in cooking are far more fun. Personally I don’t understand peanut brittle. I’ve seen it made. I’ve read the recipe. I’ve destroyed a few batches.

    These days I find boxes of peanut brittle in the stores to be just fine.

    Personally I’ve never attempted tuna melts as there are a number of restaurants near my home that for a few dollars produce a fine tuna melt.

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  3. I keep trying to make omelets with either too little egg, too little pan, or too large pieces of stuff. Fried rice also comes out bad one way or another; maybe would be easier in a wok.

    I’m not concerned with tuna melt because I find that combination of ingredients disgusting — and if you’d look at me, you’d know it takes a lot to disgust me, foodwise. Wouldn’t be so bad if the pickles were left out. I’m funny when it comes to combinations of various sorts with cheese, though. When we used to eat at Cedar Tavern, I mentioned disliking cheese on a roast beef sandwich, but then my friend Nadine pointed out that I often ate the hot roast beef, cheese, & mushroom sandwich there as a fallback when the specials didn’t look interesting enough. Weird, but somehow when it’s hot (or at least melted from having been hot), it’s good, but when it’s cold that combination is no good to me.

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      • And as to the tuna melt, somehow mayonnaise in something to be served hot or at least melted…I don’t know. I know there are recipes calling for cooking with mayonnaise, and I’m sure they turn out fine in a batter or whatever.

        It’s easy for me to turn on the disgust now, because I have anxiety over an impending move to an apt. I haven’t found yet. Sustained anxiety kills my appetite, gives me a “yuck” feeling. My cardiologist says I should be so glad about the weight I’ve lost; gastroenterologist, not sure.

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  4. Chicken is the bane of my culinary existence.

    My husband usually does the cooking for reasons that will be made clear, but a few years back I had the lovely idea to try my hand at making dinner for my sister’s visit. I thought, she’s my sister, she’ll appreciate the gesture. Silly me. I thought I cooked chicken breasts. Turns out all I had done was crafted beautifully plated e-coli/salmonella traps. My failure was obvious as soon as we cut into the meat. I attempted to return the breasts to the oven. The resulting mass proved to be unappetizing to even my dog, and he was known to eat goose poop.

    I believe we wound up ordering take out that evening with my husband returning to his post.

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    • Haha! That sounds truly awful. Good thing it was only your sister. This isn’t something you’d want to share with the whole world. Best to keep these embarrassing things off the internet like I do. πŸ˜‰
      On the other hand, being so bad of a cook that your husband has to take on the cooking duties sounds like a great plan of action. Too bad it might be too late for me. I actually CAN make some things. Darn, if only I’d known this when we first got married. I could have played dumb and never had to cook again! Ah, hindsight.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Tuna melts look wonderful – I might give them a try πŸ˜‰ I’m not a cook and never have been. My hubby does most of the cooking and my children are awesome cooks. I just sit back and relax and eat! πŸ˜€

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  6. I had never made “bean soup”. My husband wanted some. I put the beans on to soak over night like someone told me to do. During the day while he was at work I began to cook them. Both bags. In one pot. It was bean cement. πŸ˜‰

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  7. Hehe, I didn’t know it was possible to have oopsies with a tuna melt. Though I don’t eat tuna, I’ve had plenty of cooking oopsies myself, though it’s been a while. Back when I had to teach myself to cook I had plenty of mishaps. But how fortunate your hubs likes to cook! I think I can count on one hand the meals my hubs has made. πŸ™‚

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  8. Yup! Threw in two eggs this morning to pouch (sp? hm…ok, so I was a teacher. Never said I could SPELL!!)them and they STUCK to the bottom of the non-stick pan! I mean, seriously! They were in boiling water in a non-stick pan. Go figure! Your daughter’s a kick! I love her dry sense of humor! πŸ˜‰

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  9. The thing that only my husband (not me) can cook to everyone’s satisfaction is scrambled eggs. I used to be able to scramble eggs just fine, thank you. But the kids prefer his style to my style. And now it’s been so many years that I have forgotten how to do my style…

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    • I feel the same way! Oddly, I taught my husband how to make the eggs because he couldn’t make them the way I did. Now he has surpassed me, doing his own style, or “take” on mine, if you will, and I have no idea what “mine” is anymore. Now he just always makes the eggs. No one gets, or needs, a choice in the matter.

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  10. My most common blunder is with rice. I always over cook it and totally dry it out or I under cook it and every time, much to my family’s delight, I serve it anyway. You wouldn’t think that it would be such a problem. 1 part rice to two parts water, put it in the microwave but not for this woman. Gourmet, I can do but rice, forget it! The common table complaint is that I never do anything with the rice either – no salt, butter, etc etc. You would think I don’t like rice! Lol! I do like it! I’ll take it just about any way it comes.

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    • I’ve never tried it in the microwave. I do it on the stove. Bring to a boil. Turn down to low. Keep the lid on for 15 minutes. Done. Try? By I’m the same way–no salt or butter. Only the husband complains. πŸ™‚

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      • That’s how I do it too, with minor modifications. My lids are all warped enough that they don’t fit that tightly, so I make it 2.5 vols. water to 1 vol. rice, going 20 mins. from the time it starts boiling (and is turned down). Salt & butter can always be added after cooking, and if you like salt you won’t need as much to make it taste salty that way because it’ll be on the surface of the rice grains.

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