I just came across this facebook post of mine from a couple years ago. It still cracks me up so I thought I’d share:
Phonics and spelling assessment for one child + math unit review for another = Momma gets to have a little a-d-d-i-t-i-o-n to her lemonade today!
+ 
= temporary relief from insanity
Remember, faithful readers, when my oldest came up with a handy excuse for her spelling mistakes, ala “a letter was missing because it wasn’t invited to the word party,” or the quotation marks were so low because “they had rocks in their boots”?
The latest came when the printer was running low on ink and the bottom halves of a few lines were faint to non-existent. My daughter said the words were stuck in quicksand.
Quick! My legs have disappeared! Put in fresh ink!
In unrelated news, here’s an overheard conversation between my husband and our youngest daughter:
Girl: I got hand sanitizer on my pants. Will it stain?
Husband: Not if you wipe it off quickly. (I’m pretty sure he was just guessing.)
A second later…
Husband: Wipe it off with your hand not more clothing!
Where’s the “do not get on clothing” warning?
Ah, children.
Anyone know if hand sanitizer really does stain clothing? If it caused a new stain I wouldn’t notice anyway.
Motherhood and Martial Arts 
The next time I need a good metaphor, I’m calling your daughter. No cliches coming from her! Just pure, original one-liners. 🙂
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She is quite good like that.
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Funny stuff. Thanks for sharing!
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Thanks for commenting.
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Kids are so funny. Those are the kinds of things I imagine my daughter saying when she’s older. Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks for reading and commenting, Lonna. 🙂
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Actually, hand sanitizers are mostly alcohol so they don’t leave stains – they remove them. Vodka is also good for removing stains or the memory of how you got the stain.
and it’s best to keep printers away from sand and alcohol. Nothing worse than a drunk printer in the house…
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Haha! My gosh. You are so hilarious!
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If hand sanitizer is colored, it has the potential to either add or remove dye. It’s like a lot of things that way. It would deliver the dye to the surface, also causing it to penetrate well, but it has the potential to dissolve more dye than it contains, so additional hand sanitizer could be used to remove dye that other sanitizer has left from drying in place.
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Wow. I didn’t know. Thank you, Robert.
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I need her on my shoulder whispering quick witted replies while I’m at work with adults.
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She would like that. It would be sort of like Studio C’s Shoulder Angels which are hilarious. (Look up on youtube if you ever have a chance.)
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Hand sanitizer doesn’t stain clothes. Hand sanitizer also works as an emergency deodorant if you’re out and about and find yourself in such need! (just a handy tip I thought I’d throw in).
Speaking of stains, a couple of days ago I went into my son’s room and headed for the wash basket to look for whites for the washing, I started pulling out some whites just as he walked into the room with a drink, tripped and threw blueberry juice over me holding the whites! It was like a comedy farce, I couldn’t help but laugh!
Love the quick and ingenious answers from your eldest 🙂
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Oh my gosh, that’s too much! Good thing you were about to wash them anyway. Now I hope blueberry juice doesn’t stain!
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Berries of all kinds stain like crazy, unfortunately. Which is why you don’t park under a mulberry tree in season. I wear mulberry-colored clothes to pick them.
One of the first times I tested my non-irritating bath foam formula was in a kiddie pool for the kids at a party. My friend Nadine scooped up some of the suds & used them successfully to remove a raspberry stain she’d just gotten on her clothes from party food. But really anything soapy like that works on such stains when they’re fresh. And the blueberry juice as shipped may contain a suspending agent to keep it uniformly colored that as a side effect may give you a little extra time to wash it out in case of a spill.
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No, it will not stain in fact if you get pen mark on clothing squeeze some sanitizer on it and then put it in the wash and no more pen mark! Sanitzer is mostly alcohol so anything with alcohol would work, I even tried hair spray once as I didn’t want to wast vodka on the stain. Save your vodka for your homeschooling recess breaks 🙂
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Haha! Save the vodka! Thanks for all these tips!
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Your family is a hoot! I try to remember things that my 20 (TWENTY) yr old son says. He says off the wall things some times. When he was a Freshman, I was in the kitchen and he was in his room and I was yelling/talking to him. He said something and I said, “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.” He yelled back all confused, “I’m not even IN the kitchen!” Hahahahaha
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Haha. Reminds me of the time one of my poor children was eating and trying to say something, but she couldn’t seem to find the words. I impatiently said, “Spit it out!” She said, “But I already swallowed it!”
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Haha EXACTLY!
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🙂 Poor children. We need to teach them so much.
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I needed a good laugh! Your kids have great imaginations!
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Thanks! The point of this blog is laughter, so I’m glad you enjoyed! 🙂
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