The envelope, please….

After weeks of tumultuous sleep for many of you, I’m sure, I’m ready to announce the winner of the “How Well Do You Know PIF True/False Challenge!” If you had to ask yourself, “Who’s PIF?” you don’t deserve to win.

But, as I am a master of suspense ala Alfred Hitchcock, I’ll give you the answers to the questions first! This way you can either sink lower and lower into your chair in defeat or sit up straighter and straighter as you realize victory is near! Always a roller coaster of emotions here at Parenting is Funny (aka PIF–you get it now?!)

And away we go!

1. My favorite color is blue, but sadly, everyone says I look best in red. Boo!

This is true. Blue is gorgeous. Red is mean. However, with my newborn baby skin tone, blue makes me look like a member of the Cullen family. But when I wear red, people say things like, “I love you in red!” “Red is definitely your color” and “Do you know where the nearest gas station is?”

2. I have frequently flirted with the idea of dying my hair auburn.

This one was tricky, I admit. It even gave me pause. My husband and sister, two people who probably know me best, didn’t even know this. I guess it’s just a thought I’ve had in my own head, but it is true.

3. I want my next major vacation to be a visit to the ancient Roman ruins. I adore old stuff. (My husband is lucky.) 😉

Oh, how cruel and conniving I am! It’s true that I adore ancient stuff. The older the better. And that my husband is a lucky, lucky man. (If you answered this question false just because of that part alone, shame on you.) But here’s the rub: I have been to Rome already three times! And I loved it. In truth, my next major vacation will be to Australia and New Zealand. My best friend lives in Tasmania, so I have a ready-made tour guide and place to stay. Get ready, Christine! I’m coming…some day!

4. My dream car is one of those 1920s mobster cars. So bad butt!

Again, I’m just being mean here. Yes, I love old cars, but the older the better rule doesn’t apply here. As much as I appreciate Al Capone’s weekend ride, my midlife crisis splurge will be an original Ford Mustang, most likely red, because the clothing color rule does not apply to cars, either. I’m just full of contradictions!

5. If I had a secret skill, it would be that of a sniper!

True. Definitely, definitely true. Think of every action movie you’ve ever seen involving a sniper. Do you not feel a sense of awe at how skilled and cool that sniper is, even if the sniper’s the bad guy? (If you’ve read my semi-inappropriate intro, you probably got this question correct.) How much would I love carrying that bag with a partially assembled sniper rifle to the roof of some abandoned building to take out the bad guys across the street?… If I were in a movie, that is. Also, I would be fabulously tan in my gorgeous, high-slit blue dress (for ease of running up and down stairs), and drive away in my red Mustang, along the road to the Shire, auburn hair flapping in the wind. Sure, the Mustang can be a convertible. Since I’m dreaming, why not?

Now, to answer the two bonus questions: Eddie Vedder, lead singer of Pearl Jam, one of the greatest bands in the world, will be my passenger. And as we travel to Australia and New Zealand, I will add numbers 21 and 22 (roughly*) to the list of countries I’ve been to.

Thank you very much!

And the winner is…

Nina from Sleeping Should be Easy! Way to go, girlfriend. You have excellent intuition into people. You only missed ONE question! I will email you soon for your address to send you your prize. Congratulations!

Also, I feel sad for the people who wanted to win my book but didn’t. I’ll happily autograph and mail one to you at cost, if you’re still interested. Please let me know.

Except for barblane1984. Because you were just so darn sweet about it, I’ll send you a book anyway. She’s a great grandmother without a lot of money, folks! What would you do?! Wait a minute. 1984 doesn’t actually stand for the year you were born, does it?! Leave me your address in the comments. I won’t post your comment. It will just be for my purposes.

And again, thank you all for playing!

*I didn’t do an actual count when I threw the number 20 up there. Shame on me, I know. My apologies. When I did finally count, it was 19 if I count Northern Ireland and Scotland as separate countries rather than just a part of the U.K. But why not?