“I have no idea where she learned that word,” the mother says innocently


At dinner one night, we had potatoes and various vegetables with our meal. Seeing the proximity in color between the potatoes and cauliflower made me remember the time when my husband was heating up some left over mashed potatoes. Much to his chagrin while eating them, he discovered a rogue piece of cauliflower amongst his spuds, masterly disguising itself as a fellow tuber.

When I reminded him of that incident, my eight-year-old daughter said, “And when you found it, did you say, What the hell!‘”?

It was then that I excused myself from the table and the room, leaving my husband to deal with that one. Laughter is not the best disciplinary tool, I’ve discovered.


When I told my mother this story, she shared this doozy with me:

She called my sister one day to announce that she was coming for a visit, but when my young niece found out that her grandfather was not coming too, she exclaimed, “That damn Poppa!”


Cover of "Bird by Bird: Some Instructions...

Cover via Amazon

And now for one of my very favorite stories along this vein. It comes from Anne Lamott in her book, Bird by Bird.

Her son walked outside with his plastic toy keys, locking the door from the inside before closing it. After a short while, Anne heard him say, “Shit.”

She unlocked the door, let him back in, and had a little chat along the lines of, “You and I both need to be careful not to use that word.”

“Okay,” he humbly agreed. “But do you want to know why I said it?”

“Alright,” she said.

“Because of these f***ing keys!”

Ah, Anne. Where does your child get it?



13 responses »

  1. oh my these are hilarious.. Once my daughter had to help her brother with his homework and she said “Dammit Momma, I’m just a kid”..Like you I had to leave the room for laughing šŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha! Love it. Someone just told me this story: Her daughter always sat at the window to bid farewell to her older brother and sister when they get on their school bus, but they never acknowledge her, so she said, “Those f***ing kids never wave!”


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