If You Give a Mom a Muffin

A Starbucks Coffee muffin

Dang, this thing looks good! Who wants to join me for coffee and a muffin? (A Starbucks Coffee muffin Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Some of you may have seen this already, but I’m sure it’s worth another read. It was sent to me by a follower for your entertainment. (Thank you, Ginny!)

If You Give a Mom a Muffin
If you give a mom a muffin, she’ll want a cup of coffee to go with it. So she’ll pour herself some.

The coffee will get spilled by her three year old. She’ll wipe it up.

Wiping up the floor, she will find some dirty socks. She’ll remember she has to do some laundry.

When she puts the laundry in the washer, she’ll trip over some boots and bump into the freezer.

Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan supper for tonight.
She will get out a pound of hamburger.
She’ll look for her cookbook.
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She’ll see the phone bill which is due tomorrow.
She will look for the checkbook.

The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two year old.
She’ll smell something funny.
She’ll change the two year old.
While she is changing the two year old, the phone will ring.

Her five year old will answer it and hang up.
She’ll remember that she wants to phone a friend to come over for coffee on Friday.
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
She will pour herself another cup.
And notice that someone has eaten the muffin.


 (from “The Spotlight” July/Aug 12)

14 responses »

  1. I love this! The great thing is that this is so true to life! I’d like to share a story I wrote about trying to help my child with a report at school:

    A couple of months ago my youngest, Haley, brought home a president report assignment sheet from school. “We’ve got this down,” I thought to myself. It was my fifth time helping with a president report, so we should get the best grade ever!

    I coached Haley that day. “Okay, make sure you ask for Harry Truman.” I read David McCullough’s Truman biography a couple of years ago and felt like I knew the man inside and out. (Well, I read to around page 500. The last part about the Korean war wasn’t nearly as interesting to me as how it felt to be the man in charge of the atom bomb.) I urged her again in the morning before school, “Make sure you ask for Harry Truman. He’s soooo interesting and we’d have tons of info for your report.” Haley didn’t look very happy about my ideas. I had a back-up plan this time too. I figured all the other parents might want Harry Truman too. I gave Haley a few other presidents to ask for, just in case.

    You may be thinking, “Who’s doing this report?” Yeah, I know. But I was looking out for my kid’s best interest. And it was OUR turn to do an interesting president. After all, Sarah did her report on Grover Cleveland. Okay, at least you’ve heard of the city named after him. But do you know anything about him? Here’s what he looked like:

    Emily did her report on . . .Grover Cleveland. Again!!?!
    Kristen did Rutherford B. Hayes.

    Can you even think of something he’s known for? Well? Kristen remembers what he’s most famous for. He was almost impeached.
    And Kate did William McKinley.

    Did you know he was assassinated? Teddy Roosevelt was his VP. I bet you’ve heard of Teddy Roosevelt.

    Okay, so I was getting really tired of lackluster presidents.

    Haley came home from school. I mentally prepared myself to NOT get Harry Truman. But, this time, surely we’d get somebody like John Adams, Abraham Lincoln, FDR, maybe even George Washington or Thomas Jefferson. Hey what about JFK? or even Nixon could be interesting.

    “Who’d you get?” I asked. “Franklin Pierce.” “Who?” “Franklin Pierce.” “He’s a president?”

    Haley pulled out the little president bio books they have in the school library. We flipped through it. Turns out he was the president when the country was gearing up for civil war. There was a lot of strife in the country–it was a hard time to be president. He was called a “doughface”. A Northerner with Southern sympathies. What did Wikipedia say about him? He was known as one of the, “. . .worst presidents in U.S. history”. Could it possibly get any worse? I couldn’t believe our bad luck.

    And Franklin Pierce’s. He had three sons, two died young. His last son was on the train with Franklin and his wife as they traveled to Washington D.C. right after the election. There was a freak accident. The train flew off the tracks and the Pierces’ son died while the parents survived without injury. Needless to say, Mrs. Pierce was devastated. Sadly, she blamed Franklin for the loss of their last son and returned home, resenting him and his presidency. She was known as “the shadow of the White House”. And he suffered from alcoholism.

    And yes, it did get worse. The assignment wasn’t the basic, tell-what-the-president-accomplished report. The assignment was to write in first person, as the president, giving arguments for WHY YOU SHOULD BE RE-ELECTED TO THE PRESIDENCY. Poor Haley. I lost it then. Haley pulled me out of my funk when she kindly let me know that her teacher said you could argue why you shouldn’t be president again. Well, thank goodness for minor miracles!

    However, while I was formulating why Franklin shouldn’t be re-elected, she had other plans.

    Haley had been composing rough drafts at school. She proudly showed me that she had decided to argue why Franklin Pierce should be president. I picked up her rough draft to read it, preparing to help her change the entire thing. But I was taken aback. I was so, so proud and amazed by my wise 10 year-old.

    What was her argument? You can read it yourself:

    “I should be President again! I was known as ‘Handsome Frank’! I loved my wife very much. She was very religious. She blamed the death of our third son on me. We were all on a train ride and the train rolled down a mountain. My son, Bennie, died. My wife, Jane, said it was God’s punishment brought on by my Presidency. I had promised her I would not run for President but I did, after all. Then, she left me to go back to our home state. If I am President again, I would teach her to like it in the White House. I would reshape myself for her.”

    I would reshape myself for her. I was so worried that this man’s poor performance would ruin my daughter’s report and she zeroed in on what was most important–a family torn apart by tragedy. I stopped trying to interject my ideas. It looked like she was doing a fine job all by herself. Way to go, Haley. Oh, and her grade? 100%. A+. Lesson learned.


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