I don’t know her. I’ve never seen her before in my life.

English: The interior of the largest Whole Foods in the United States, located on Houston Street in the East Village of New York City. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I took my three girls with me to the health food store, a place with generally more sophisticated clientele than your average grocer. I know. I know. Then what was I doing there? Well, they had great sales on produce.

Another thing about this store is the carts are very narrow to match their check-out lanes. If you deviate an inch out of your designated space while purchasing your groceries, you will inevitably bump into the customer next to you, who is likewise concentrating on checking-out without disturbing other shoppers’ personal space. It was within these tight confines that my oldest decided to give her baby sister her best and loudest demonstration of a dinosaur roar.

It’s laundry day, okay?!

I watched through the window as my son got off the school bus and walked across the street. I thought it rather odd that he was holding his hands up to his face, much like Macaulay Caulkin’s famous Home Alone picture. Intrigued, I went outside to greet him. When I got to the mail box, the cause of his shock became dreadfully apparent. There, at the end of our driveway, stood

“Look what I can do!”

My son was so proud of himself when he learned how to potty train that one day, when he needed to go, while in the middle of a busy parking lot,

You’re going to need an ambulance in a minute, kid!

The children and I were at the pool in our backyard. When the police called, I couldn’t hear the phone. When they were knocking at the door, I ignored them, not knowing it was them, and because I was in my swimsuit. I figured whomever it was could come back later. When my husband, on his way home from work, saw the four cop cars in front of our house, he kept on going, deciding first to call our lawyer and ask, “Are we in trouble for something?” We weren’t, but our five-year-old son was about to be.

Lost in translation

Being from Chile, I’m not aware of all the American slang terms. It took me a long time to figure out why I got so many strange looks from other moms when talking about my son’s

A cleaning lady’s nightmare

My twin boys were nine weeks old when my husband and I took a trip to visit my grandmother. One night, when we were staying in a hotel, I began to change a poopy diaper on the bed. Not thinking, I didn’t lay a clean diaper under the dirty one, and my son

Better leave the fashion to the females.

One Sunday my husband was in charge of getting our sons ready for Mass and then meeting me at the church. When he arrived with the boys, it was quickly apparent that my husband is not as in tune with our children’s wardrobes as I am.

It’s good to entertain the working man.

One of my children’s favorite past-times is watching the garbage men pick up our trash. As it seems harmless enough, I let them sit on the front lawn and wait in eager anticipation for the big truck to arrive in front of our house while I keep an eye out from the living room window.

One particular day, the garbage man was more jovial to my children than usual.

Earth to mom: I’m right here!

My husband and I were making our way out of church one day when we lost a child. Well, I lost a child. Well, I THOUGHT I lost a child.

Appearances can be deceiving, I hope.

I realized one afternoon that I desperately needed to pick something up from the store for dinner. The store I wanted to buy it from was very close to the women’s center where I needed to drop off my children’s excess toys. I debated whether I had time to do both before getting home to start dinner. It would be tight, but I hated to miss the opportunity to get rid of all that stuff in my trunk. I decided to go for it, sacrificing instead the need to look presentable. I threw a sweater over my ratty house-cleaning clothes, grabbed the kids, and headed for the door.