“I have no idea where she learned that word,” the mother says innocently

At dinner one night, we had potatoes and various vegetables with our meal. Seeing the proximity in color between the potatoes and cauliflower made me remember the time when my husband was heating up some left over mashed potatoes. Much to his chagrin while eating them, he discovered a rogue piece of cauliflower amongst his spuds, masterly disguising itself as a fellow tuber.

When I reminded him of that incident, my eight-year-old daughter said, “And when you found it, did you say,

The excitement we had at church on Sunday

My husband is so lucky that we only have girls. Whenever we’re out someplace public like the zoo, Legoland, a grocery store, or church, and a child has to go to the bathroom, it’s automatically the female parent who has to take her. Yeah for me.

This especially came in handy (for my husband) at church Sunday when one child announced, never quietly, that she needed to pee. Of course, we always make them go before we leave home, but as she is relatively new to the potty trained world, I wasn’t taking my chances on her sincerity,  ploy to avoid some pew time or not.

When we left the bathroom, she swiftly yanked her arm away from me so she could run to the back of the church, make a U-turn around the end of the row of pews, and stream back down the center aisle to our seats near the front. Awesome.

And of course, I had barely gotten back to my place when

You Know You’ve Overstayed Your Welcome When…

Royal wave

I recently visited my daughter and four grandchildren, aged two to eight. When I left I went to each grandchild for a hug and kiss. When I got to the two-year-old I knelt down and hugged and kissed her. I rocked back on my heels as she gave me the royal wave of good-bye. How cute, I thought. Then she extended her little arm,

Don’t read this one if you’ve just eaten.

With our fifth child, I stopped carrying a diaper bag around. I just stuff a diaper and a baggie of wipes in my purse. The problem with this is that I have only one diaper and if I use it, I sometimes forget to refill my purse before leaving again.

Well, this time we were at our cabin for the last time this summer and were eating out at a local restaurant. Andrew had eaten corn out of a can earlier that day and a lot of something else I can’t remember. We were all sitting down enjoying our burgers when Andrew ripped a loud one. For some reason I didn’t think anything of it; we just snickered a little bit and finished our meal.

I get that a lot

A deacon, though not quite as intimidating. (Wikipedia)

A four-year-old skipped into the vestibule ahead of her mother and skidded to a stop at the Deacon’s feet. Dressed in white, six feet tall and broad-shouldered, he was an intimidating sight. She stared up at him, open-mouthed. After a moment of silence, she asked in awe:

Thank Heaven for little girls

While sitting with some other moms at my son’s baptism reception, one of them alerted me to the fact that the kids were playing with a doll–a gender specific doll. A group of little girls were giggling while watching my seven-year-old daughter make her male doll

How to make your mark at a new school

playground equipment–untattooed (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When we moved, I enrolled my children at a private school known for its rigorous academics and discipline. I was eager for them to make a good impression, but when my mother called after their first week to inquire how my children were doing, I said, “Oh, you mean the cheat, the forger, and the vandal?”

I got a call from the principal or a teacher nearly every day that week. First was

I haven’t heard that particular version

I’d hate to see what an image of the alternative would look like.

My two-year-old daughter’s favorite song these days is Jingle Bells. She sings it all the time and has started experimenting with alternate lyrics. At Mass on Sunday, during the readings when everyone is attentively listening to the word of God, she looked up at me and said,

Everyone needs to do his or her part

Scotch Whiskey Old Smuggler (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

At my children’s Sunday School class, their teacher, a friend of mine who relayed to me this story, was teaching a lesson on stewardship. “One example of stewardship is when you do something for someone else,” she told the class. “It’s kind of like having a job. Do any of you have jobs?” she asked them. My ten-year-old daughter raised her hand and said, “I have a job. My dad pays me to

Probably not future nuns

 

 

Napolean gets down (Photo credit: massless)

 

My three kids are starting to behave much better at church. Either that, or, I’m just so used to their bad behavior that I’ve become jaded. Regardless, on what I thought was a relatively well-behaved Sunday, a mysterious turning point in the Mass alerted my five-year-old to something very special. Perhaps it was a tell-tale word or two from the priest, when my daughter suddenly announced: