My husband could attest to just how obnoxious I can be when I’m full of my own cleverness. I tell you, no one can laugh at my jokes the way I can. I had a real doozy last night that I woouuuuuld share, but it would probably offend some people.
Instead, let me relay to you the opening lines of a thank you card I just constructed in response to something that happened the last weekend of July. Read the rest of this entry
(as if I need more reasons)
I wanted him to get the kids ready for bed because I was wrapping presents for our daughter’s birthday the next day. I said to him, “Could you please get the kids ready for bed? I’m taking care of some business…involving Tupac.”
He automatically knew what I was talking about. (Tupac = Read the rest of this entry
A friend overheard one guy saying to another, “Sorry, man, I was just trying to have a battle of wits with you. I didn’t realize you were unarmed.”
I was giving a friend info about a game night, when he said he would have to “punt this” to his wife. “I was born to ruin family plans,” he explained.
I responded with, Read the rest of this entry
Speaking to his toys: “Hi. I’m Daniel. I’m going to keep you safe from Katherine. She is a big giant.” (In case you haven’t guessed it, Katherine is his big sister.) -posted by a friend on Facebook
Something you never expect to hear from an adorable little blonde girl: “Mom! Come see my poop! It’s enormous!”
Yes, I did go see it. And she was correct. Read the rest of this entry
I decided to rearrange some furniture the other day, and did so without my husband, hoping to surprise him. Things went well until I realized I would indeed have to give him a heads up. This was our instant message exchange:
me: I may or may not have taken a door off its hinges and then gotten a desk stuck in a doorway. I’ll let you decide when you get home.
him: ?? seriously? better not be the front door. Read the rest of this entry
My four-year-old saw a bird through the window screen. Somehow this elicited from her a very loud, very off-key rendition of the chorus from Frozen’s “Let it go.”
“The bird is not flying away,” she pauses to tell me.
“Maybe it likes your singing,” I suggest.
“Maybe it likes ‘Let it go,'” she tells me.
“That could be,” I say, and she keeps singing for all she’s worth. Finally, having heard enough, the bird did indeed go.
“It flew away,” my daughter tells me sadly.
“I’m sorry,” I say with a frown.
Then, looking at me, her face brightens. “Maybe it Read the rest of this entry
A few weeks ago we were visiting friends at their home near Buffalo, NY. There were some good lines worth sharing during those two days.
For instance, Jay, father of 5, asked his daughter, “Are you ready for dessert?” She responded by patting her lower stomach and saying, “I have room in my basement.”
I’ve gotta remember that line.
My nine-year-old daughter was helping Jay cook scrambled eggs one morning. “Do you like cooking?” he asked her. “Yes. I have to learn how so I can move out of the house.” Suddenly startled by her own words, she added, Read the rest of this entry