parentingisfunny

What a charmer

betsyk1 — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 17:47:21 +0000

As I was getting dressed one morning, my two-year-old daughter walked in and said, “Oh, you’re so pretty, Mommy.”

To which I replied, “Awh, thank you, Baby. Sometimes Mommy doesn’t feel so pretty.”

After a long pause she said, “Then I guess you’re right,” and walked out the door. -Trish, mother of 3

I hope you appreciate this, Lady.

betsyk1 — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 18:48:38 +0000

I sent my six-year-old daughter to deliver some lemons and oranges from our yard to the widow next door. Worried that she might rudely deliver the fruit and leave without a word, I called to her, “Don’t forget to say, ‘You’re welcome.’”

When my daughter returned, she gave me the full report: “I rang the doorbell, and when the lady opened the door, I said, ‘You’re welcome!’ and handed her the bag.”

All in a day’s work

betsyk1 — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:03:48 +0000

In the morning I discovered my 22-month-old had unrolled all the toilet paper into the toilet, thus forcing me to reach in and pull the bulk of it out by hand so as not to clog the drain when flushed.

At nap time, I heard her calling from her room. She had stripped down to the skin. Poop was on her sheets, body, crib, blankets, and wall. All she had to say for herself was, “Ew.”

You think, kid?!

Having cleaned all that up, I put her back down for a nap, only to hear her calling again several minutes later. Once more, she was completely naked, this time wiping herself dry with her blanket after having peed in the crib. I gave up on the nap.

To end the day, I found her in the bathroom, naked. All the t.p. was unrolled into the toilet, and she had pooped on the floor: The Toddler Trifecta.

I’m calling in sick tomorrow.

How to “semi-childproof” the toilet while potty training? Talk amongst yourselves. (parenthacks.com)
Now I understand the reasoning behind toilet locks (parentingisfunny.wordpress.com)
Health Tip: Common Reasons for Potty Training ‘Accidents’ (nlm.nih.gov)

How to tell if you’re a mom, Part 1

betsyk1 — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 20:32:39 +0000

The two most hateful, fearful, and odious words in the English language are: potty training.

Even though you’re not on TV or in a movie, you sometimes hear yourself saying, “It’s quiet….Tooooo quiet.”

You own teeny tiny band-aids that would be utterly useless on any adult wound.

You are re-learning Algebra.

You hear a baby cry and your boobs leak.

When you get cold in public, you’re thankful you’re wearing nursing pads.

There are 5,000 animals in your home, many of them missing eyes and noses.

There are certain daylight hours when you dare not vacuum.

You can sing along to the themes of Dora, Thomas the Tank Engine, and Barney.

Your favorite band is The Wiggles.

You can tell someone how to get to Sesame Street.

Can you think of more ways to prove that you’re a mom? Share them in the comments below.

Better supervise the chores

betsyk1 — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 18:29:52 +0000

When I was little, I, like all little boys (okay, and big boys) hated washing dishes. When it was my turn to clean up after dinner, instead of washing the plates and silverware, I licked them clean like a dog, then put them back in the cupboard. My parents never caught on. I only stopped when I finally realized how gross it was!

Mike, former kid (sort of)

Resourcefulness

betsyk1 — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 19:43:56 +0000

My 22-month-old slurped down the last dregs from her milk bottle as I was putting her diaper on. “More milk” she said/demanded, but as my hands were occupied, she shoved the bottle down the front of my shirt instead.

Ah, kids.

Simply a matter of proper terminology

betsyk1 — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 18:50:33 +0000

I just suggested to my eight and seven-year-olds that perhaps reading at the breakfast table might be a bit anti-social. “Auntie Social, Mom?” one thinks aloud, “No, we’re Uncle Social.”

Alrighty then, where’s my library book? -Erin, mother of 4

If that’s the case, my swimsuit’s going back in the closet!

betsyk1 — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 20:18:40 +0000

While pregnant with her third child, my friend explained to her five-year-old son that the baby in her tummy has fluid all around him like he’s swimming in water. Her son pointed at her bottom and said, “So, mom, if the baby is swimming in your tummy, is that the deep end?!” -Ems, friend of a mother of 3

One expensive sticker

betsyk1 — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 23:18:21 +0000

I was productively working on the computer one day, when my two-year-old came streaking by me, a long skinny sheet of white paper trailing behind her. I thought, “Hmm. I don’t remember having any paper like that,” and went about my business. A moment later, it dawned on me where that paper had come from.I followed the trail of paper up the stairs to her bedroom, where my fearful suspicions were confirmed. She had taken a fresh roll of stamps from a drawer and had stuck them ALL, one on top of the other. I peeled as many off as I could, but for the most part, it was a bust.

I made a point to check in on her more often after that.

This one wins the “Arg!” award

betsyk1 — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 19:19:38 +0000

I had just finished two loads of the kids’ laundry and put it all neatly away, as well as organizing the soon-to-be-born’s clothes in the drawers. I hate laundry, and it was a huge accomplishment for me to have it all done and organized. Not five minutes after leaving their tidy dresser behind to work on lunch, my three-year-old told me that the two-year-old took the clothes out of the drawers. I was thinking the bottom drawer and wasn’t too concerned, but I walked into the room to find every stitch of clothing in a big heap in the middle of the room. My son had climbed up even in the higher drawers and taken everything out. I wanted to scream! -Kimberly, mother of 2