Category Archives: Kids DO the darndest things

A sticky situation. (And a tacky title.)

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At dinner one evening my sister noticed a small white glob adhered to her eight-year-old son’s cheek. She couldn’t understand how he got toothpaste on his face at dinner time.

“Wash that toothpaste off your face,” she told him.

“It’s not toothpaste,” he insisted.

“Then what the heck is it?” she asked. Read the rest of this entry

Clever or just conniving?

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In October we visited a pumpkin patch that smartly offered a pumpkin coloring sheet. If you colored it and brought it back, you got a discount on admission. Mistaking this sales gimmick as a bona fide coloring contest, my eight-year-old colored a Read the rest of this entry

This is a story about poop

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If you are still reading, then you can’t say I didn’t warn you. (Forgive me that there will be no pictures to illustrate this post.)

Ever since our youngest started using the potty many moons ago, her bowels have become a family affair. The older sisters love to see her creations, often assigning a shape and/or name. “Look, it’s an ‘L’!” Or “a snake!” Or “a G!” Once it was even called the great euphemism of “moonlight.” Your guess is as good as mine on that one.

But this one really took the … Well, you’ll see. Read the rest of this entry

Stories from a Sunday School teacher

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Special thanks to contributor Lena for these stories!

Injections are one of many ways to administer ...

Injections are one of many ways to administer psychiatric medication. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) That’s the actual caption that came with the picture!

1) One girl found a play doctor’s kit and started to give me “shots” with the play syringe. The other kids soon joined in, and I was being repeatedly beaten with plastic syringes. Finally, one of our boys threw his hands in the air and cried “Stop! In the name of Love!” The other kids immediately stopped. Then he came over to me and put his arm around me, saying, “I am very sorry for the inconvenience.” Read the rest of this entry

It might be time to vacuum your carpet if…

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Cover of "You Might Be a Redneck If"

Cover of You Might Be a Redneck If

Have you all… Pardon me, y’all. Or better yet, yins, heard that Jeff Foxworthy joke: “You might be a redneck if you mow your lawn and find your car”? (Now you have. You’re welcome.)

Well, it might be time to vacuum your carpet if in it you find six bodies, a hatchet, and a piece of pie. Read the rest of this entry

Now that’s good advertising

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It’s kind of a shame that our seven-year-old can read so well. When I’m at the computer reading some sordid article or having a private conversation through I.M. on gmail, I have to be sure she isn’t anywhere in eyeshot if I don’t want the inquisitive little bugger to read something inappropriate, scary, or just none of her beeswax.

I never thought I’d have to be concerned about her reading junk mail. When my husband came home and plunked the mail on the counter, G. meandered over and soon started crying. More specifically, she was weeping. She wasn’t sobbing and shaking uncontrollably, she just couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down her face. Why? Because: Read the rest of this entry

You can keep the change.

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Purse

Purse, pre-disaster (Photo credit: pit pitoca)

 

I was babysitting five little kids. Their mom came home and we were talking for a bit. She then went to get her purse and couldn’t find it. As she was going down the hall to her bedroom, I heard her yell. Seems she looked in the bathroom door on her way by and there Read the rest of this entry

What’s that SMELL?!

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English: (Re)construction of a dinosaur from t...

(Re)construction of a dinosaur from the bones of a rabbit. Perhaps Eddie should have tried rabbit bones?

Since my mother forbid me to continue digging in the yard for dinosaur bones, I hatched a plan to construct my own dinosaur skeleton.

After weeks of saving and hoarding, my mother followed her nose to my bottom dresser drawer where she discovered my collection of Read the rest of this entry

Is that another term for a “tramp stamp”?

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English: ("tramp stamp").

English: (“tramp stamp”). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Another of my husband’s darling students (see previous story), on a geography test, wrote that the capital of North Dakota was not Bismarck, but Read the rest of this entry

Toilet troubles

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White Toilet Bowl in Malaysia

White Toilet Bowl in Malaysia (Photo credit: epSos.de)

 

When our two boys were about three and seven, we never had more than one working toilet at a time. I don’t know why they felt the need to put foreign objects in them. One day the plumber was “snaking” the toilet and out popped a Read the rest of this entry