Category Archives: Kids DO the darndest things

This is how we solve problems in our household

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Observe:

“MOMMY! Paul won’t give me the big sticker!”

“Well, John, why don’t you suggest a solution? Maybe find out why he’s saving the big sticker, or maybe see if there’s another sticker he *would* give you, or maybe trade two of your little stickers for his big sticker. Could you try to work something out?”

“Ok…I will…
…PAUL!!! MOMMY SAYS YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME THE BIG STICKER!”

-from one of my favorite FB friends (Names have been changed.)

And there was great rejoicing in the land!

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When one of the children loses a tooth, it is a very big deal. Not because they think, “Yea, I’m becoming a big girl!” or even “Cha-ching! Come on, Tooth Fairy!” But because it means a whole lot less whining going on around here.

Initially the loose tooth is an exciting topic of conversation, meriting daily, if not more frequent,  updates as in, “My tooth is a little wiggly!… I can move it back and forth!… Now I can move it left to right! See!” (open mouth shoved in face.) “Now I can touch the bottom of it with my tongue!…It’s hanging by a thread!”

You would think by the time we’ve reached that last level of development we’re sitting pretty, but no, that stage lasts about a week. These children will keep that tooth in there as though their lives depend on it. Why? Clearly they aren’t motivated by greed. They don’t worry they’ll have nothing to talk about once the tooth is gone. They’re not even concerned about diminished chewing quality when one tooth down. Nope. It’s the simple fear of pain.

Here’s where I go from being World’s Greatest Mom to, uh, something a little closer to the opposite extreme.

Let me explain. Read the rest of this entry

A sticky situation. (And a tacky title.)

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At dinner one evening my sister noticed a small white glob adhered to her eight-year-old son’s cheek. She couldn’t understand how he got toothpaste on his face at dinner time.

“Wash that toothpaste off your face,” she told him.

“It’s not toothpaste,” he insisted.

“Then what the heck is it?” she asked. Read the rest of this entry

Clever or just conniving?

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In October we visited a pumpkin patch that smartly offered a pumpkin coloring sheet. If you colored it and brought it back, you got a discount on admission. Mistaking this sales gimmick as a bona fide coloring contest, my eight-year-old colored a Read the rest of this entry

This is a story about poop

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If you are still reading, then you can’t say I didn’t warn you. (Forgive me that there will be no pictures to illustrate this post.)

Ever since our youngest started using the potty many moons ago, her bowels have become a family affair. The older sisters love to see her creations, often assigning a shape and/or name. “Look, it’s an ‘L’!” Or “a snake!” Or “a G!” Once it was even called the great euphemism of “moonlight.” Your guess is as good as mine on that one.

But this one really took the … Well, you’ll see. Read the rest of this entry

Stories from a Sunday School teacher

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Special thanks to contributor Lena for these stories!

Injections are one of many ways to administer ...

Injections are one of many ways to administer psychiatric medication. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) That’s the actual caption that came with the picture!

1) One girl found a play doctor’s kit and started to give me “shots” with the play syringe. The other kids soon joined in, and I was being repeatedly beaten with plastic syringes. Finally, one of our boys threw his hands in the air and cried “Stop! In the name of Love!” The other kids immediately stopped. Then he came over to me and put his arm around me, saying, “I am very sorry for the inconvenience.” Read the rest of this entry

It might be time to vacuum your carpet if…

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Cover of "You Might Be a Redneck If"

Cover of You Might Be a Redneck If

Have you all… Pardon me, y’all. Or better yet, yins, heard that Jeff Foxworthy joke: “You might be a redneck if you mow your lawn and find your car”? (Now you have. You’re welcome.)

Well, it might be time to vacuum your carpet if in it you find six bodies, a hatchet, and a piece of pie. Read the rest of this entry