In October we visited a pumpkin patch that smartly offered a pumpkin coloring sheet. If you colored it and brought it back, you got a discount on admission. Mistaking this sales gimmick as a bona fide coloring contest, my eight-year-old colored a Read the rest of this entry
If you are still reading, then you can’t say I didn’t warn you. (Forgive me that there will be no pictures to illustrate this post.)
Ever since our youngest started using the potty many moons ago, her bowels have become a family affair. The older sisters love to see her creations, often assigning a shape and/or name. “Look, it’s an ‘L’!” Or “a snake!” Or “a G!” Once it was even called the great euphemism of “moonlight.” Your guess is as good as mine on that one.
But this one really took the … Well, you’ll see. Read the rest of this entry
Special thanks to contributor Lena for these stories!
1) One girl found a play doctor’s kit and started to give me “shots” with the play syringe. The other kids soon joined in, and I was being repeatedly beaten with plastic syringes. Finally, one of our boys threw his hands in the air and cried “Stop! In the name of Love!” The other kids immediately stopped. Then he came over to me and put his arm around me, saying, “I am very sorry for the inconvenience.” Read the rest of this entry
Have you all… Pardon me, y’all. Or better yet, yins, heard that Jeff Foxworthy joke: “You might be a redneck if you mow your lawn and find your car”? (Now you have. You’re welcome.)
Well, it might be time to vacuum your carpet if in it you find six bodies, a hatchet, and a piece of pie. Read the rest of this entry
It’s kind of a shame that our seven-year-old can read so well. When I’m at the computer reading some sordid article or having a private conversation through I.M. on gmail, I have to be sure she isn’t anywhere in eyeshot if I don’t want the inquisitive little bugger to read something inappropriate, scary, or just none of her beeswax.
I never thought I’d have to be concerned about her reading junk mail. When my husband came home and plunked the mail on the counter, G. meandered over and soon started crying. More specifically, she was weeping. She wasn’t sobbing and shaking uncontrollably, she just couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down her face. Why? Because: Read the rest of this entry
I was babysitting five little kids. Their mom came home and we were talking for a bit. She then went to get her purse and couldn’t find it. As she was going down the hall to her bedroom, I heard her yell. Seems she looked in the bathroom door on her way by and there Read the rest of this entry
Since my mother forbid me to continue digging in the yard for dinosaur bones, I hatched a plan to construct my own dinosaur skeleton.
After weeks of saving and hoarding, my mother followed her nose to my bottom dresser drawer where she discovered my collection of Read the rest of this entry
When our two boys were about three and seven, we never had more than one working toilet at a time. I don’t know why they felt the need to put foreign objects in them. One day the plumber was “snaking” the toilet and out popped a Read the rest of this entry
When I was a little girl, my mother tells me, I emptied a gallon of molasses over myself and followed it with Read the rest of this entry