The bathroom is now off-limits!

I hope those towels have been washed!

My two-year-old was quiet in the bathroom for far too long. When I went in to investigate, the first thing I saw was

Hide the scissors!

You don’t want to see the other side of me.

When my two youngest were two and three-years-old, I walked in from doing something in the other room for only five minutes! I opened the trash can to throw something in and saw lots and lots and lots of

I should at least teach her how to apply it properly

I lay down for ten minutes. That was my first mistake.

When I hauled myself out of bed, not nearly refreshed, I was soon greeted by a very red face. No, it wasn’t that my two-year-old daughter was embarrassed, though she should have been. It wasn’t that she’d been hitting the wine bottle, not that I would have preferred that. It was

One expensive sticker

I was productively working on the computer one day, when my two-year-old came streaking by me, a long skinny sheet of white paper trailing behind her. I thought, “Hmm. I don’t remember having any paper like that,” and went about my business. A moment later, it dawned on me where that paper had come from.

This one wins the “Arg!” award

I had just finished two loads of the kids’ laundry and put it all neatly away, as well as organizing the soon-to-be-born’s clothes in the drawers. I hate laundry, and it was a huge accomplishment for me to have it all done and organized. Not five minutes after leaving their tidy dresser behind to work on lunch,

Definitely monkey business

When I was raising children in the ’40s, back before the invention of children’s carseats, it was okay to leave your kids in the car unattended. In the middle of a lengthy road trip, my wife and I decided to let the kids eat the road rations; we were going to stop at a restaurant for dinner. So we found a nice place, and watched the kids play in the station wagon from the restaurant window.

We couldn’t believe our luck. The children appeared to be very happy and having a great time together in the car. No fighting, no biting, and not once did one of us need to go outside to discipline. We enjoyed our meal leisurely.

If you don’t hear your children for more than two minutes, you’d better go check on them, or you’ll be sorry.

“The other day I found my 15 month old sitting IN THE TOILET as if it were his personal jacuzzi!” Melinda, mother of 4

“Five minutes of silence cost me about 600 puzzle pieces dumped in a foot deep pile last night…accompanied, of course with the proud declaration: ‘Mommy, I made a biiiiiig MESS!’” Anne, mother of 3

“Golden moments of silence are extremely costly. Stuffed animals, shoes and even lotion bottles have been flushed down my toilets causing major water damage.” Sandra, mother of 2